Veteran of the Psychic Wars

( Okay, you ppl know I don't do reviews or anything as a general rule, but I just gotta *squee* a bit... )

So as a result of yesterday's blow-up the childer have been on a mad dash of house cleaning... it's scary. But hells, maybe once everythings caught up they'll actually be able to help me keep up with all their mess. Okay so I know it's about as likely as Misha or Colin or Benedict or even James showing up on my doorstep, but a girl can dream can't she, lol.
I have also modified my "Reluctant Heroes" playlist for the first time in like five years. I may subject you ppl to it later, again something I seldom do, but it kinda feels right for this, ya know. Sometimes I think I should just send anybody who wants to 'friend' me a copy so they know what they're getting into with me, lol.

And I just wanna say again thank you ALL for the hugs last night, I so needed them... *hugs her f-list* You guys are awesome. :)

*squeaks* ‘m going to a con tomorrow! …or later today, whatever, lol.
Nah, Pup’s sitting at the comp when she says, outta nowhere, ‘there’s a science fiction convention this weekend’ Fanboy and I automatically perk up. ‘Yeah, wha… Shanks is gonna be there and some others’ Of course she barely gets the ‘Shanks’ out before Fanboy and I are sitting straight up and racing for Cas to look up this con, lol.
Turns out Pup had already looked it up… *shakes head* silly woman. Then she gets all uppity ‘cause Fanboy half teasing says he knows what he and I are doing tomorrow. Anyway, next thing I know Pup’s on the phone arranging to change her shift tomorrow and suddenly me, Fanboy, HRH, MM, and Pup are all going to this con. ‘m a bit worried since ‘m not at all sure it’s gonna be what Pup expects and ‘ve never been to this kind of con, so… but still ‘m hoping for good things. (of all the times for my meds to be… and my head, yeah, but still, con and Pup and Fanboy I should feel pretty safe, yeah *keeps repeating until she believes it*)

I’m horrible, ‘ve got less than a day to write a fic and I just don’t know if I can do it… it’s so fucking hard to think around here with all the trash HRH insists on watching and the noise and not being allowed to go hide in the kitchen and just write and block the rest of the world out. (Btb, MM called Pup on that the other day when HRH and Fanboy came back, it felt good to have someone ‘not on my side’ bring it up.)

Yesterday, I realized I had another exchange that I’d been so sick I’d missed the announcements for- thank the gods I was able to beg an extension.

‘ve decided to start leaving stray bunnies here on my journal- don’t worry they’ll be locked so you won’t be tortured with them just probably the whole meds thing making me babble more than usual.

Yeah, and my bloody SSDI review has come up. *is scared* I mean, I knew it was coming; was actually expecting it last year, still doesn’t make it any better, esp considering that whole not in the US thing and it’s not helping my psyche (such as it is) the whole shit with my shrink here and not having so much as spoken with the new one, :( DNW. *sighs*

Right now all I want is to curl up with some nice telly and some hot cocoa and let the world wash away… not happening, though. Mainly because I don’t have any nice telly (that I can get away with watching with Pup home) or enough hot cocoa to sneak off with.


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So it’s official, I dropped out of the BB… ‘m trying not to feel like a, I don’t know, not exactly a loser ‘cause I know there’s no reason to feel that way. I’m still doing my fic, hells, finally worked my way around a mini scene that was giving me trouble. So it’s not like it’s dead, if anything it feels more alive than it has recently, like now that I’m not under the time constraints all those little bits that were fighting and straining to fit in, or to get out in a rush are just letting themselves flow and not worrying about when it gets in or that it has to fit perfectly NOW. *sighs* The pauldron!fic is definitely still alive, it’s just no longer a BB fic.
Oh, and for those who don’t know “the pauldron!fic” was the moniker for my BB before I started referring to it as “my BB”- don’t ask, it’s a bit odd to explain, not difficult just odd; you know, the kind of odd that once you explain it ppl start backing away from you slowly or giving you that ‘I’m gonna stick around if only so I can keep one eye on you and your weirdness’.

And hugs to everyone who sent me kisses (and a bit extra for the freaky demonic kiss); they came at a good time. :-)

I can also say that YES I have finished my meltdown, no more aftershocks or anything, the world is safe as it ever was from psychotic!fandom!Mys. Only downside to any of it, and I really think this is more a “sadly confused in the head” issue than a fandom issue, is that I’m feeling more subdued than normal, but it’s also that time of year, so…

In news of the ‘no one really cares, but it’s my LJ so ‘m allowed to’, ‘ve spent way too much of the past week and a half dealing with Shithead (for those who have not been exposed, Shithead is HS’s ‘father’- and I use the term loosely trying abusive, racist bastard, who can’t even admit he’s done anything wrong when the fucking COURTS have declared him an abusive SOB). Somehow, I have gone from being useless and computer/fandom obsessed on one hand (Pup’s), and an insane laughing hyena on the other (Shithead’s) to being the one who can talk to Shithead/the one Shithead will talk to. I never wanted either job, really. I hate trying to be civil to ppl ‘d rather castrate and feed their own intestines. It doesn’t help that he’s an idiot. ‘ve been fighting with him trying to get him to pay the damages the court declared and he’s been jerking us around- I shall spare you the gory details. Anyway, now he’s fucking FLYING out here tomorrow to give us (me) the payment in cash. Don’t ask, just don’t. Yeah, and he refuses to understand the concept of ‘it’s Saturday.’ He wants us to go down to the courthouse or the police station or the solicitor’s or the bank and we keep telling him none of these places are open on Saturdays, least ‘round here they’re not (yes, I live in BFE, actually, BFE is an upgrade). *head desk* So yeah, fun day for Mys tomorrow. Grrrrrr.

Ohh, fandom obsessing… you know how I read Island t’other day, well, I keep having bloody scenes randomly playing out in my head (like literally ‘ll be watching something else and my mind wanders for two seconds and there, boom, snapshot from scene X) and it’s BLOODY ARSE DISTURBING!!!!!! I know I have what could be considered by some to be an absolutely, undeniably unhealthy obsession, but still- do not want! ‘m gonna get enough once it actually gets here, I don’t need my brain throwing possible interpretations into my mind in full Technicolor! It wasn’t even that good!!!!!!! *rolls eyes*

Random- I find way too much amusement in ancient “Man on the Mountain” assassin!vamp teasing almost as ancient vamp!Lance and calling him Lance-baby. It’s cute, I want to pinch his cheeks, lol.

Anyway, I need to actually get back to doing this beta that I kept being too emo meltdown girl erm, distracted to work on properly and making myself go work on the merlin_land challenges ‘ve been avoiding though I think I will continue to play avoidy with them until tomorrow- see subdued, since when is it hard for me to rant over there, really, since when!?!?!?! *considers having head examined... again*

And I saw this over at silkmoth101’s journal and well, book memes, film memes, and psych memes are weaknesses, lol.

( Further proof that Mys is an antisocial, esoteric weirdo… )


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So, at the risk of offending, I really have issues with The Lovely Bones. MM had it on while we were eating dinner (said it was the best thing on, and she was probably right), and once again I was struck by just how much it annoys me. Don’t get me wrong, cinematically it was very well done, and the performances were fine, some more than fine, really good in fact, but it's the ending, not how it ends per se, but when they’re going through his victims. I always get so angry! Why do you ruin a perfectly good drama by buggering up something as simple as serial killer psychology 101? And I realize this is not the movie’s fault, it’s the book's, and I could forgive that if it wasn't a 2002 novel- they can't even claim that it was a lack of 'common' knowledge about serial killers and psycho/sociopaths. I just think you can rework it so that it isn’t GLARIINGLY obvious when you do the film. I know some ppl would take it as an insult to the book and its author, but I also think that to make a film, esp one like that, stay true and real in the way a good drama should things like that should be taken into consideration. I mean for me it took a film from being this deep emotional, almost psychological, thing to being a, well, farce is a bit harsh, but it stripped its credibility.
On another note, I saw Priest Friday, and can I just say ‘m a little more in love with Paul Bettany. :) Seriously, that man is awesome, the things he can pull off- by that I mean the range of characters, and he does them all so very well. *sigh* That said, I don’t think the Clan was as impressed, of course they just look at me when I go ,‘OMGs that’s Paul Bettany,’ instead of, ‘oh that looks awesome/cool/fun/interesting,’ so… Anyway, good movie, I enjoyed it, a rarity in these parts, most of the movies the Clan want to watch leave me kinda going, ‘oh’ or more often ‘gods, it’s finally over!’ That doesn’t mean it was great cinema, but it was fun and exactly what it was supposed to be a nice bit of intense, fast paced, escapism, so yeah, good stuff.
AND! Last night. OH MY GODS last night, we FINALLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY got to watch Paul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think ‘m in love! I mean, I love those boys already, I mean, seriously, Shaun of the Dead owns my soul. But THAT was bloody BRILLIANT! Of course Pup and MM looked at me scarily for most of it, probably ‘cause I started out going wide eyed and dreamy, whispering “Comic Con” and making little mrphle noises and squeaking at everything, lol. And then understanding the geek speak and everything… and I am torn between being very grateful and somewhat horrified that I didn’t understand the Klingon, yet recognized it as such. *shivers* I feel like I have a huge gaping hole in my geekhood… I mean, I know a few words of Elvish, and a bit of Minbari, does that count!?!?!?! I would really love to know more Minbari, but most of my odd language skills are limited to written languages like Enochian and most of the “wiccan/pagan” alphabets and ‘m currently working on my Ogham. *makes pleading eyes to the gods of geekdom that they won’t take her geek card away* Anyway, Paul, wonderful, beautiful, want more NOW! I could seriously watch that on repeat for a very long time, lol!

See, ‘m trying not to rant more about SPN, be pleased… at least if it lasts, lol.

So, I gave in and ordered Island, the book, should be here by the end of the week… hopefully I can sit down and finish Keeper of the King before then, and yes, ‘ve been reading that for, like, ever, but ‘ve been busy and fic and dresses and shite and I know how it ends, so not on the priority list even if I am trying to get back up to Siege Perilous- I hate reading multiple books at once, unless it’s my travel books, I make a point of not reading those unless ’m travelling, but that’s like Science of Discworld (do I get geek points for that!?!?!?) and stuff.

My BB is killing me, or maybe my brain is… I just can’t settle. I sit down to work on it and I get distracted… and not even by the shiny, quite often by the dull and somewhat annoying. :( ‘m a little worried about that. Just like ‘m a little worried about the hypomania yesterday. I mean, I know it was because I forgot my meds for a whole day, but still it shoulda been a depression I was fighting off not a mania; unless the meds are fucking with my cycles, which they could and probably should be doing, ‘m just not used to it so it’s kinda freaky… Anyway BB… I think I hit a turning point t’other day going over it. I actually think as in know I can do this, it’s not a matter of, ugh, 30k never. More of a ugh in general, lol. Seriously, though, the pieces that seemed so scattered are coming together and I can see where they fit, there’s still a couple large holes that need to be sorted and the entire last 1/3 to half of the fic needs to be written, but I truly believe once I get there it’ll be ‘easy’ in comparison, lol. So, yeah, the BB isn’t good, but ‘m calm and actually confident about it now. In other words, good things. :D

So now, I shall leave you of an explanation as to where my poor scattered brain is…
I keep putting on these songs out of the 6 hrs of music on this particular playlist:

Weekend Irish
Almost Irish
Get Your Irish On
A Walk in the Irish Rain
Celtic Girl (a song for my Arthur)
Kiss Me I’m Irish (yes, those who are exposed to my random Twits Tweets, I am still squeaking at the line for no apparent reason…I mean it’s one bloody word! The first time I understood, but still? The term “stalker” comes to mind.)
Galway Girl
And just to mess with the selection- End of the World and Ghost Train… of course, they’re by Mr. Irish Bastard *rolls eyes head desk*
with a side of hysterical giggling over Skinhead on the MBTA- "Charlie" is rolling in his proverbial grave and ‘m loving it- Oi! Oi! Oi! :P~


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So, I get this e-mail last night about the reworking of the LAS comms and… and… and… angry? pissed? FUMING? Yes, I think all of those apply. Ohhh, seething, that’s a good all-round word for me right now. I mean, gods! I understand the logic, but damn-it! I signed up for one comm, one!!!! I know I’m not gonna get anywhere with it, so ‘s not that. I just… if I wanted to play in the other fandoms, I woulda signed on for them, I didn’t. I don’t want to play there. I want to play where I know what I’m working with. I chose THAT comm because it had the most to offer for me. I wanted to play around in some old never really played in fandoms of mine and I was gonna get to and not be put up with all those other more mainstream/American shows. I was LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! Not like I expected ppl to know some of them, the shows, even in that setting, but it sure as hells improved the odds of acceptance- not to be confused with appreciation or anyone actually liking my fic, but at least accepting and possibly even being aware of the fandoms!
I was so good last night. I was calm and nice and didn’t completely go off. But today, well, today, I’M FUCKING PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah.

In between bouts of utter fury, I had to decide if I was gonna do the header challenge at merlin_land, or rather if I was gonna turn in my pathetic excuse for a header… anyway, in a fit of ‘oh, fuck it, today already sucks’ I submitted it… umm, ‘Yay, me’???????
I also wound up making icons, not related to the challenge just ohhh, pretty must make icon. ‘m not sure what if anything I will be doing with them ‘cause well it’s not like I want to use them all or anything, though I did add a couple new ones :) I still want iconage for my OT3, lol. One day, it’ll happen. *nods sagely*

Anyway, after all that I needed to calm down or try to reach something resembling calm, soooooo I went looking for fic. I even read some. Got blindsided by a modern!AU, read some truly meagre offerings- they weren’t bad, they just weren’t good, and the one that woulda been good got detracted from because it was unrequited which, yeah way to go on the cheering up/calming down front- NOT. Then in a last ditch attempt, as in the last of the recent fic I hadn’t read, I start this thing that even though it’s premise is so-so the author actually put some thought into authenticity and such and we all know how much that does it for me, lol, so I had if not high then slightly above average hopes… well, it wasn’t slash, wasn’t even pre-slash really, and I see through slash-coloured glasses, so yeah… anyway, it gets to the end and you think it just might save itself and, well it doesn’t, but even before I got there they… this author… they go to the trouble of trying for some level of authenticity and then they SAY MERLIN’S OLDER THAN ARTHUR!!!!!!!!! *head desk* I mean, seriously!!!! As if it wasn’t assumed beforehand, 2x13 proves it! I mean how much brains does it take to say Balinor escaped to Ealdor during the Great Purge, the Great Purge started after Arthur was born, therefore Balinor arrived in Ealdor AFTER Arthur was born, therefore his SON (ie Merlin) born of a woman he MET in Ealdor cannot possibly be older than Arthur!!!!! *screams and yanks hair*
What is it with ppl making these obvious mistakes?!?!?! *grumbles about Reid remembering everything he hears- idiots*
I mean, I try to forgive the breeches thing ‘cause well, it’s a common enough misconception, and an understandable one, it grates on my nerves and sometimes it does just ruin a fic, but I try damn-it. But simple facts, facts that you don’t have to research or check references for simple ‘hello, the show said…’ facts- how do you get those wrong?!?!?!

I also realized I’ve all but stopped readin Dean/Cas fic, which really sucks because I could really do with a Dean/Cas fix… I just don’t seem to have the patience for all the Fallen/human!Cas or the HAUs or the other AUs- Hunter/angel is it that complicated? And Spike has fucking FANGS! *grrrrrrr*

Yes, well, the day got worse (and has yet to truly improve)… grocery stores and forgotten items and misunderstood shopping lists- and ‘m still paying for that…
Oh and I realized I forgot to take my meds last night, so yeah, extra shitty...
headache-check
eyes popping out of head/floating like bloody fishing bobs-check
memory totally switched off-huh, oh, umm, check?
nausea-check
shivers-check
jitters and general nervy-ness-check, check, and double check
times like this I really feel the whole "cure worse than the disease" thing *glowers*


On a lighter, slightly psychotic note, I’ve discovered I can no longer watch Merlin without my brain, and on occasion hand, rushing off to make note of ‘ohhh, that would make a great gif’ scenes, lol.
And I know I’ve said it before, I just can’t believe it and I find it kinda disturbingly adorable, but HS has the BIGGGGGGGGGGEST crush on Muerhlen, lol. She’s so cute sometimes, yes, you heard right I said the Evil One was cute- she came running into the kitchen t’other day ‘cause “Muerhlin’s on barnkanalen!!!” (and yes, ‘m well aware that I butchered the Swedish language :p~) at which point she half drags me into the living room to prove this, lololol.

And gods, I wrote fic… I wrote pauldron!fic (not to be confused with the pauldron!fic)… I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut, lol. Merlin Wankfest- I wound up filling my own damn prompt! *head desk* Yes, ‘m going to be going on about this for the foreseeable future, lol. Yeah, and I kinda sorta not exactly agreed to, but well the seed was planted and it’s currently festering and trying to keep root, it’s already taken root, I just keep trying to dislodge it, lol. Yeah, well, seed- teeth… Bradley’s teeth… Colin… yeah, do the math- I’m so going to hells if I actually let this fic come to fruition… I already wrote bloody modern!AU what are you ppl trying to do to me!?!?!?!?!?!
And gods, the pauldron!fic, I've decided to change a rather integral part of it which means I need to basically write a story within the fic to be told as a performance by a minstrel/troubadour... practical upshot- 'm now reading Beowulf and The Canterbury Tales after taking a crash course in Welsh and Gaelic bardic verse and giving up and settling for iambic verse and vaguely appropriate wordage, hence the Beowulf and Chaucer... on an unrelated note, I've also found and begun reading Le Morte d'Arthur on-line... I find it strangely relaxing, esp consideriing my opinion of Legend or more specifically Legend characters.


Okay, calmer now, sorry ‘bout that. Now, it seems the next challenge is up at merlin_land (ohhh, beware incoming gifs, lol), and I have fic to beta, so I shall go attempt to channel what’s left of this angry energy into something more productive.

Oh gods, where to start!!!!!!

Expect random Mys to be random, she’s not feeling the organizational side of herself today AT ALL, lol.

( On Christmas and Fanboy )

( On MIs, mine and other ppls- including Aspie rant! )

( On my fic- short for once, lol )

( On other ppl's fic and how to annoy Mys with buggered info  )

There’s other r/l stuff, but it’s a little to close to home as it were and yeah, if I dump, I’ll dump in a nice locked post later. :P

So, where to start...
Hi, my name is Mys and I'm nuts.
I'm also going through some major self-hateage. Is that the reason I've been so quiet, probably not. That probably has more to do with my head being weird and my spending too much time blurting my randomness on Twitter. Anyway, today we are playing catch-up, sorta, lol.

First off, so far lowering the Seroquel and uppiing the Lyrica seems to be working, I know strange thing to say considering the above statements, but most of that stuff I think has roots in reality and therefore not the Mi's, hence I think the change in cocktail is working nicely. :P We'll see what happens when the doc checks iin tomorrow though... :/
Well, I survived Mom's visit- barely, but that was more the running all over hells' half acre than Mom, so yeah. :) On the not-so-upside, Pup is being all wiggy about Mom's visit and her leaving (don't ask, I'm still trying to sort it).
Got my Dean/Cas Big Bang posted, in and out of the comm, though it's going over rather lukewarmish. :((
Finished a 13k Merlin fic that didn't even involve sex! I think I scared ppl, or possibly scarred them because of the other two, lol. This however is alternately going over surprisingly well and like a lead balloon. I say this because here on LJ total lead balloon I've had over 4000 hits on my fic journal since I posted it and three whole comments wtf?????? But on ffnet it's lacking in reviews but it's soaring in the favourites department, again wtf????
Yeah, really feeling my icon these days, lol.
Let's see, I went off and signed up for not one but TWO Merlin fic exchanges *head desk* on top of already having DCxmas, which my gods what the HELLS were they thinking okay the likes and dislikes I can see but the prompts??? three prompts three squicks, WHAT?!?!?!?! Anyway, I'm taking the good ol' throw the prompts out the window strategy 'cause I don't care I'm NOT writing my squicks, I told them I wouldn't write this shite, so I'm not and it's their bloody fault if they or the giftee has a problem with it! Sorry, it just pisses me off.
I feel weird with my fic atm, I just did Secret Angels so that one's still under wraps, the next is DCxmas, which will be under wraps for however long, the two Merlin comms- again under wraps... it's gonna look like I stopped writing altogether! Only thing that will hopefully come out is Arcana and that's like middle/end of December. Though I do have a vague hint of what might, possibly, eventually grow into a fullfledged idea for a Merlin fic, so we'll see. And my Dean/Cas muses seem to have returned, so that's something. All hope is not lost, yet.

I'm totally jonesing for my SPN and Merlin, I haven't been able to watch either for WEEKS!!!!!!! I'm kinda hoping to do some of that today and maybe it'll make me feel better. I wanna sew some, too, but that means finding a big enough space AND enduring the mocking. And I'm really not up for the mockiing. See this is what I mean, maybe it's just the PMS, but just the thought of that has me crying! *sniffles*

Ah, well, gotta go, dishes to do, ungrateful mouths to feed and at least two separate dinners to make (which they would probably preferred to have had an hour ago). Yes, I am considering changing my name to Merlin. :P

ETA- Oh yeah adding to the Mys feels like shite or maybe shat on, got in one of those loverly lose/lose situations with Pup where I asked her something and then "made her feel stupid and small', this is one of those English vs non-English speaking. It usually comes up when I've been writing a lot so my language changes and I use words or phrases she doesn't know, then when I apologize and try to explain I'm makiing her feel stupid, blah, blah, blah and when I apologize for that... *throws up arms in confusion* This time it was a question and turns out SHE was the one trying to make me feel stupid... *rolls eyes* PMSing Swedes are NOT nice, esp when you're PMSing, too. *sighs and runs back to make sure she didn't burn the chicken*

ETA2- *bounces happily* I got my copy of Keeper of the King Mom ordered for me! *hugs her bordering on cheesy vampire book* Now, I just need to find the third one, Siege Perilous! I haven't read that one yet... what is it with me and vamps and Camelot, it's not like I MEAN too, half the time it's an 'oh, yeah' moment it just HAPPENS. *shakes head and returns to fic cleaning*

Ugh, where to start?
Well, I'm still exhausted, but getting up at 6AM will do that to a person, lol. Childer. *shrugs* Of course it gives me more time in peace... sorta, at least when Pup's at work. I don't know I'm kinda worried about my head; I've had a pretty good Summer all things considered, which just DOES NOT happen. I mean my cycles have been the same for decades. I know I'm not outta the woods yet, and I guess I should feel better that I can feel the edges of the Black Dog hanging about. It's been worse lately, not bad, at least not by my standards but it's there. I'm getting kinda homesick only not. I mean, it's not so much "home" more like I miss things, like being able to sew and as always this time of year I miss Faire, they don't really have them here, and the one they do have is might as well be off in the Nevernever.

The thing with HS and her bastard father is going slowly and he's started threatening us, well, Pup in particular. I think he needs to remember that his description of me as a hyena could be very accurate right now. I might have issues with HS and probably always will, be I'll be damned if anybody, especially him, hurts her!

Now on to happier subjects! ie Fandom! What, you didn't actually expect to have a post from me that DIDN'T have fandom in, did you?

I should have S5 in like 2 weeks!!!!! *dances* And I am NOT watching Point of No Return when it comes on tonight! Though I'm more worried about next week, bloody Kripke making me cry. I do not cry. 3 times, 3 ever, then bloody Kripke comes along and has me in tears 3 times in 4 weeks. *mutters* I think I'm gonna refuse to watch most of S5 with out mass quantities of ice cream. *nods sagely*
Anyway, much to my surprise Kimi convinced me to rp with her and as scared as I was (am) it's fun, well, when I don't get writer's block or Sammy doesn't start screaming at me, lol. I'm a little worried about my SA fic, I know I can get something out, just what I want to do is having hiccups, ya know it starts then all of a sudden nothing- brain dead. See that's what I mean about the Black Dog lingering around, 'm kinda hoping it's just something like the fact that I finally used up the last of my Lamictal- they give me so much I think half of it is expired by the time I get around to taking it. I think it's the most annoy part of meds here, they give you SOOOOO much at a time and then let you get MORE. Pup has this thing that I need to get my meds as often and as soon as I can, I find that only serves to make me have boxes and boxes of meds that are past their use by dates. *grumbles* Anyway she's coming home with a shiny new prescription so if I'm right I should start feeling better soon. If not my p-doc actually talks to me so... *sighs*

Oops, sorry for going all tangenty.

Ohhhh, ya remember how I said I was falling for Merlin/Arthur and wanted fic? Yeah, I've spent the past week reading every bit of first time and schmoop fic I can find, I swear I've read like 200+ fics, lol. I really don't need another pairing to be writing, but I'm actually considering it, just a little to test the waters and see if I can catch it right *chews lip thoughtfully* ...maybe like for some of my bingo prompts just little in the moment type things. I don't know, I confuse myself so much between what I know of Legend, what I know from various shows and movies (come on you can guess- I've squeeing about one of those all over Twitter, lol, and no, Disney does not come into it *rolls eyes*), and the show's blatant disregard for the aforementioned Legend.
Oh and I'm gonna kill HS soon. She's decided she likes Merlin, like really likes, like the way she likes SPN, so Pup has decided we can't watch it unless HS is around and she's like 8 and is the one I have to get up at 6AM so yeah, there is no joy in Mudville and I'm about to steal the DVDs and camp out in the kitchen and watch them all secret like. It's so funny that HS and I can't get along to save our lives, but give us SPN or Merlin and we're sharing the couch happy as clams, lol. She's even a Dean!girl, I'm so proud, lol. Now to just find out about the Merlin boys. :)

I'm really not trying to go off on tangents... maybe I'm not doing as good as I thought. *adds to list*

One last super awesome thing about Merlin fic, pplp use words that I'm used to being the only one to know, let alone use! That makes me insensibly happy, lol. :D

I'm thinking about revamping my layout, I want the same themes and colours but different graphics with the lyrics. Just feel like a change. And some new icons with the theme and then some more Merlin ones. Now to just find someone to do that, lol.

Okay, FINALLY I have time to actually watch Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid! Of course this means you lovely peeps get to suffer my play by play babble- aren’t you lucky, lol!

( Here Lies 5x15 Episode Babble )

More fandom, then R/L- promise.

The Clan watched Percy Jackson Friday, not bad for a teenage version of Clash of the Titans (and it was more than a little depressing that none of the Clan knew what I was talking about when I said that)… and of course, come on, you guys can guess what the one thing I noticed was- “Dude, it’s Adam!” I don’t even like Adam (no offense to my Adam-lovin’ f-listies) and I notice these things. *head desk*

Oh, gods know what possessed me, but I signed up for spring_with_xan again this year. Only took one date though, the way my muses are acting that’s gonna be enough trouble, lol. I’m thinking about finishing/refurbing this one Jesse fic I was working on. It was originally a project for you know who, but she wanted some stuff I was having a hard time working into the fic so it kinda, not exactly died, more like went into a deep hybernation, but I was thinking it would be good for that maybe…

On a side note- I HATE MY SPANDER MUSE! It’s evil and schizophrenic and totally off it’s meds! Seriously, I’ve been trying to work on something short and simple for Briana and one minute there’s nothing coming out and the next it’s all over the place, like two or three ficlets trying to escape at once! *glares at muse*

You know I really hate this time of year… it’s when I get all introspective-y. I always figured it was the BP, so until they official change my dx I’m gonna keep going with that theory. Anyway, I had one of those icky realizations t’other day- ya know one of those where that little part of you that you try to keep well hidden and buried that reminds you that in all probability and honesty you’ll never get to do ANY of the things you dream of. I really don’t need that right now… I hit it over the head with a nice stone club… it cracked the club and only stunned the thought. *grrrrr* Oh well, I’m trying to ignore it and it’s friends (and why they are insisting on looking like the dancing chickens from Sledgehammer I’ll never know).

Anyway, gonna try to abuse the muses into behaving or at least talking in turn instead of all at once, lol. (and gods help me I’ve already got coda stuff rolling around up there)

( Welcome to your Weekly (ie whenever I feel like it) SPN Episode Babble )

Now for the report you've all been waiting for... the doc gave me new meds! *dances* Lyrica, sounds kinda creepy like some street drug or something, lol, but it's for GAD so it doesn't run the risk of messing with the other mood stabilizers I'm on, and it's reallllllllllllllllllllllllly low on the addictive scale, so, happy.
You wanna hear about the t-doc visit? To bad. I'm all revved up and ready to rant, lol. It's fairly short as my rants go so... Yeah, went to see her still all crouched and scared rabbit like, and I tell her what happened and that I'm having uber issues with the PTSD/anxiety part of the program. And instead of saying something useful or even not useful but supportive she starts with this whole "Let it go" thing. I'm sitting there going (in my head) 'I've been seeing varying forms of therapists since I was 16, and you think NONE of them made with the 'let it go' speech? Hello!?! Been there, done that, next pls.' *head desk* Seriously, wtf, she think this was my first rodeo. If it was THAT easy to deal with I wouldn't have spent almost 15yrs MEDICATED for ANXIETY. Like I told Pup, it was like telling a drowning man to just swim, instead of throwing him a damn rope. Get the bugger on shore, THEN you can give him swimming lessons. Grrrrrrrrr.
Anyway, Pup's gonna try and find out exactly what this t-doc is (you know the initials behind her name) 'cause she's starting to think the t-doc isn't really qualified to be what I need her to be (they have weird breakdowns of the psych ppl here).

There all done with that, now for today's random treat of spam:
A whole 11 seconds, of Dresden audio!spam, just 'cause it makes me smile a cheese eatin' smile, lol.


Oh and on a final happy fandomy note I FINALLY got all the graphics done for my dc_fireplace fanmix(es), yeah me! Now to just beat the crap out of Arcana and we can move to the next weirdo fic project, which I only have loosely thought out, but hey, it'll come... eventually, lol.