Veteran of the Psychic Wars

Okay, now that I’m calmer, I’m gonna try to look at this whole mess objectively. We’re gonna start with some of the stuff I’ve already discussed with Mia about Sign of Three and hopefully go from there.

( ***SPOILERS*** for S03E02-03 )



Okay, I’m going to go stealthily slit ppls throats on Uto, take out some of this lovely aggression. Still, hate them, still pissed, but more rational, so, it’ll get there.

*sighs* She did it again. Hit me. Twice. She missed that spot on my arm, but she came close. I haven't totally freaked out. She locked herself in the bathroom with the phone... Pup didn't call or text, so I don't know what happened with that and part of me doesn't care...

Good(ish) news, I got an e-mail from my bank and they've offered to send me a new card with a new number and expedite it at no charge. They verified AGAIN the address, so we'll see. *crosses fingers*

Their doing the big surgery on my teeth next week and 'm starting to get nervous, not too bad or anything, just you know "oh, gods, they're filing my teeth... then they're putting in implants- IMPLANTS," so you know, the usual, lol.

...in completely random and silly/disturbing babbling- A few weeks ago Pup was looking at one of her movie ordering websites and they were pushing "The Seven Percent Solution" and apparently Pup hadn't seen or heard of it, and how she can say she's a Sherlockian hasn't heard or seen that I can't fathom. Anyway, that, erm, silly?, strange?, whatever, Sherlock Holmes with Matt Frewer (it was "The Whitechapel Vampire" in case you're interested) was on at the time and I was watching it waiting for my game to come on. It takes a while, but she finally notices, and starts talking about this Sherlock Holmes movie she wants to find- she gets as far as Sherlock Holmes in present day and I roll my eyes ('cause I know she's not talking about Sherlock) and say, ""The Return of Sherlock Holmes", he's in the States right, defrosted?"And we all know how I feel about that one, right? Anyway she says, "Yeah. I love that one." At which point I'm glad I wasn't drinking or else it would have been spewed all over my comp, lol. I mean seriously THAT? She loves THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am torn between trying to find it for her and burying the conversation somewhere deep where I won't have to look at it ever again, lol. *shakes head* I mean, really... is she serious????????? *sighs* Oh, well.
Speaking of, anybody know when Elementary is starting? I want to know when to try to hide it from Pup, lol.

AAAAANNNNNDDDDDDDD.................. This is one of the stranger things I will ever say- but Arthur and I met John Barrowman yesterday. :P Not a terribly odd statement in general, until you consider the fact that I'm in BFE Sweden and she was in Glasgow. *hugs her Arthur* She went to a book signing thing with John Barrowman yesterday and not only did she get him to autograph it to me, but she got me on a Skype vid call and basically introduced my to him and his sister, he said hi to me and everything. It was one of the sweetest things anybody's ever done. I was grinning like an idiot as much over Arthur doing that as "meeting" him. :D *grins like an idiot*

And now, Pup's home and with any luck we will be watching "The Avengers" in a few. *crosses fingers*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it, or we did it. Battle Hymns is up and I am now squeezing ppls hands and hiding behind them. (yes, Mia, this means you... and Arthur, and I promise I won't cut off the circulation this time)
So yeah, if ppl are interested...
Title: Battle Hymns- on LJ; on DW; on AO3 (coming soon)
Author: heavenlyxbodies
Pairing: John/Sherlock (mostly pre-slash)
Rating: R (for disturbing imagery)
Spoilers: general S2
Feedback: Makes me happy, just play nice
Disclaimer(s) can be found here
Beta: phnx_reader, any remaining mistakes are mine, and probably me ignore her advice.
Warnings/Squicks (nota bene- some of these warnings are for things only mentioned in passing, but as the entire work may contain triggers I wanted to try to cover everything): may contain triggers, disturbing imagery, torture, PTSD, flashbacks, mentions/description of death of non-canon characters
Summary: Sherlock returns, whole, but battered and not just on the outside. There are things he's done, things he's discovered that he can't tell John. But the signs are there and it's only a matter of time before those secrets come out. Deals with Sherlock and what happened in those three years and how he copes with it now (mainly the latter), and how John copes with him.
Written for johnlockbigbang 2012 with absolutely awesome and incredible art by tinnny, go see for yourself, it's truly amazing art!


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Good news-

It looks like they finally fixed my SSD! Yay, I'm crazy again!!!! Seriously, all it took was sending the paperwork in three times to two different offices, getting ignored by my caseworker and have her refuse to arrange to talk to me (or to my mom who has my POA for just such occasions *head desk*) and tell me I need to talk to another office, but not give me the contact info, and a nasty note sent in with the last set of paperwork saying just that... but I still haven't received any notification, just a magically appearing deposit in my bank account from Soc Sec. *sighs* One day I will figure it out, but not today; today I am just accepting something good happening and not looking at it too closely.
On a related note, Mys went shopping! And yes, this is Mys' idea of a shopping spree. I bought a new backpack, I've had my other one for 8 or 9 years and it was secondhand when I got it, lol. I bought new shoelaces from the place that has the shoelaces that I don't kill within a month, and insoles for my boots. A new writing pad, the other one only had about 5 blank pages left and considering it's gotten me through 3 big bang fics over the course of two years and a handful of other smaller fics I needed to take notes on, I didn't feel too guilty about it. I also bought a pen! I finally found a fine point blue Pilot, not the kind I wanted, but considering how hard it is to find a fine point pen of any kind around here, I'll take it, lol. Oh, and socks! I was down to my last two pair from the ones I got winter before last. We're planning to go up to Stockholm this week and I thoroughly plan to buy books at the Sci-Fi Bookstore, now whether or not I actually find anything I haven't read or have is another matter entirely, lol. And there is an outside chance I may see about getting new boots, the ones I have I got two years ago and after two Swedish winters they're showing their age, and some new jeans, I'm down to one pair and they're, uhh, whatdya call the ones that only come to your calf? Whatever, it's a pair of those that I've had to patch up twice already, of course, I've had them since before I moved here, so they're doing pretty good for being about 6 or 7 years old, lol. See, I'm really good at this spending spree thing, *tongue firmly planted in cheek* lol. It's the one cliché thing about BP I don't really suffer from; don't get me wrong, I can go on a binge just like anyone else, but that's the thing it's like anyone else, not like someone in the throes of a mania, or maybe it is... it's the one of the only times I'll actually say I want something, of course, most ppl just take that as me getting past my other dx's... so few docs understand the difference, but that's another tale.

I've gotten previews of some of the art for Battle Hymns!!!! It's brilliant! *hugs art* And she's trying to do something from the scene(s) Mia and I asked for (nearly impossible in my opinion, so I'm just soaring on the fact that she's trying to do it :D ).

Not so good news-

My blood sugar is all over the place, so the doc is running all sorts of tests, which is good I guess, at least this guy's taking me seriously. I'll know more Monday. *crosses fingers*

I hate my shrink. I've calmed down about the therapy thing, Pup keeps telling me I over-reacted and that he really does want to get me a therapist- nothing I heard said that, but I was already freaking out so I'm trying to at least tell myself I believe her. *sigh* I'm managing to get a 'list' thing together for him- slowly- I just don't see how to make these things "measurable", but I'm trying.

Oh, and I finally started watching S7... only four eps in... and not exactly a happy camper, but I have yet to attack the tv, so it's a start- I'm making Fanboy sit through it with me, which helps, gives me someone to rant at, lol.

Bad news-

I'm 99% sure I'm dropping out of the JLBB, well, the blog!fic one... it's just killing me. Every time I think I'm getting somewhere I go over it and realize it's either utter garbage or taking the story in a direction I don't want to go... I swear I've deleted enough for at least three 10k+ fics. And now I'm trying something a bit different that involves writing blog entries for John, so I went and read over all the entries on the BBC page... my gods, they are AWFUL! I mean seriously, if I was reading that, guh... if it were a fic I would actually stop reading and put the author on my mental 'Do Not Read' list. And do you have any idea how hard it is to mimic that kind of awful writing?!?!?!?! *rocks head in hands* Kill me now, pls...

I have two other birthday fics I'm supposed to be writing and that one *points angrily upwards* is totally fic-blocking me. Grrrr.
Brianna, one of those is yours, and I will get it done if I have to stab the blog!fic through the heart with a nice sharp stake to keep it pinned down and out of my way!

Back to the shrink. He was getting on me about not getting out and walking and stuff like that. Which, I know, walking and exercise are supposed to help with endorphins or whatever it's supposed to release, so to humour him and Pup I've been walking to the store and taking the bus home (I always walk to and from the close store, this is the big one), and walking downtown and back (when I'm coming back and not going to the store)... it's only making me feel worse. I told Pup I was being good and walking places, she was all upset because I wasn't telling her how much better I felt... I told her the truth- I feel worse; drained and stressed out and not so much tired as just uber lethargic with no energy or interest in doing anything. She just glared at me and went back to her writing. *sigh* It's not my fault the 'magic' cure (or aid rather) isn't working and it's not my fault that it's just exacerbating the down I'm already on... Now, I just wonder if the doc'll believe me. :/


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The road so far... (in which Mys' life feels too much like S3 of SPN, if only in my head)

• finally get a call back from the psych ward and they give me appt with someone I've never heard of on the 31st


• get the paper with the doc's name and exact time for the appt and, unless I'm completely off, they book me with a psychologist not a psychiatrist. *head desk* This is useless for me wanting/needing my cocktail messed with.


• I can barely be bothered with anything, even tumblr


• when I am over there I wind up all angsty and upset (more than is called for) over three generations of Reichenbach and random acts of Jeremy Brett.


• I've been working through my Who, and am at, well, the change over from Ten to Eleven... just thinking about it makes me disturbingly weepy


• it was the SPN finale last night, and damn it, I kinda want to watch it, even though I hear it's big


• and just now, one of the other players in my game (the only thing I am really being any good at being bothered with 'cause, hey, casting spells and stealing things from ppl makes me happy) has sent what is either a badly worded encouragement or, to my way of thinking right now, insults under a flimsy veil of half-arsed sarcasm.


• I think I'll just go to bed and cry now.

So, I did something my shrink might be proud of... I opened a side blog on tumblr and put up a bunch of my gifs, mostly (like 99%) my Sherlock ones, and my 221B. I'm thinking of trying to use it as a dump site for my gifs (obviously) and maybe some of my strange half fics/drabbles that have no real place in other fic or much of a chance of becoming fic in their own right. We'll see. It's locked down atm to spare ppl having to witness my butchery, or more likely to spare me from their butchery, but it's hard to tell...

I've started to get scared about the dental thing... it's like this low hum of anxiety that every now and then pops it's head up and screams THEY'RE TAKING YOUR TEETH then drops back down to just lying there snickering at me. And it didn't help the panic attack I had today. Some damnable thing event dooha downtown had ppl and children everywhere, and I had been sent to the sweets store... you couldn't move for the damn things they were everywhere under foot over foot slamming into you and just... yeah, it was a small miracle I made it out of there, and a full blown second coming type miracle I didn't blow up or start screaming and hitting ppl. I would've been proud if I could even catch my breath. So, yeah...

For the record, my fic is being weird. I wrote the same scene no less than three times- two of them on the same day. I thought I'd fixed it when I managed to merge those two, then I found the third which I'd forgotten I'd written. *head desk* That and the fact that my John muse is so not being helpful in one of them and my Sherlock muse is being well, erm, troubled in the other... I think I may have broke him. :(

Okay, going back to my fic and obsessing over tumblr, writing good.


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OMGs I was looking for something else and just found out (like a year after the fact) that Edward Hardwicke died last year. *wibbles* I was actually fighting back tears when I saw that... I don't do that. :/
Of course, on the upside I found the name of that damn play he and Jeremy Brett did... the one that, literally tears on the pages, made me cry when heard about it 'cause it was basically my, not head canon, but head 'what if' (if I'd known then what I know now I would say it was my first fully formed plot bunny- now, remember this was some two decades ago, so I think I can be forgiven what is now a common concept). And really come to think on it Gatiss and Moffat probably took a page from there... hmm, I hadn't thought about that before, but it would explain why my brain became obsessed with finding proof of it's existence right after the Fall (most ppl have no idea what 'm on about, hence the need for proof, lol)...now I feel the need to poke at my own brain. I wonder how hard it'll be to track down a script for this thing? (item 264 of the to do list)

Woot! I also found the damn rip-off movie CBS did back in '87. Hmm, now, that was what, a year after Granada's Holmes came out... do I detect a trend??????? Not only can they not have an original idea, they recycle a flopped one from 25yrs ago. Okay so that one involved cryogenics, which just instantly screams BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD, but still...

Pup's having surgery Friday when 'm at the dentist. It's kinda a big deal- nerve stuff. Now, here's the thing, and don't get me wrong 'm not belittling this AT ALL, I'm worried about the surgery, too. Anyway, she says to me today that she's going to not be sleeping much between now and Friday, so she'll be snappier and all because of it. Okay, fair enough, wouldn't expect anything less. What got me was the 'ppl take things too seriously and I can't go around watching what I say worrying about offending someone'... it was all I could do not to scream. I mean, really? You, who takes great pleasure in saying cruel things for fun, who makes fun of my writing, who constantly gives me shit about being on-line, who, and this is the kicker, goes off if I so much as voice a contradictory opinion, or say even the slightest thing, even if it's in jest, about any of her shows or food, let's not forget food- I hate sausage, not like brats and kielbasa and proper sausage, or even like sausage patties or links, but like well, it's more like a huge arsed hot dog, which I only like beef hot dogs for all that's worth- anyway, a few weeks ago I finally got tired of the sausage and told her, she hit the roof and is still being uber-bitch saying I don't like her cooking. I just mean how dare she say she 'watches what she says so not to offend ppl' when she sure as hells doesn't do it now, at least with me. And let's not even talk about the part where she said "ppl", meaning me are, "over sensitive". *head desk and repeat*

Ohhh, and in the realm of completely useless and of zero interest to anyone- I now have a Sherlock Heavenly Bodies icon, yay, me! It also seems that in my head Sherlock is green... well, I mean, Spander is red, Dean/Cas is blue, Arthur/Merlin is kinda an amalgam of blue and red (I blame the neckerchiefs... and Arthur's blue sex shirt), and apparently Sherlock is green... I should probably examine that more closely, but right now I'm just gonna go with it, lol.


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So, I was checking to see what time/who was in the Melodifestivalen tonight and whose beautiful grey eyes do I see staring out of the tv mag at me (manhandling the violin, I might add)... and I thus I realize...

HOLY FUCK, SHERLOCK PREMIERES TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*squeals and runs around in circles as if she hadn't already seen it multiple times in the past month*

Erm, sorry, just I hadn't realized and the last time it took us two YEARS to get it. *flails*


---And a question for those handful of you who I showed that 221B to... is it gen or slash or pre-slash or ???
...just I was actually getting the nerve up to post it somewhere and realized I couldn't tell what category my own fic fell into. *head desk*


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*glomps all over Mia and Arthur* I wrote 1000 words of the damn reverseBB! See, I took your advice and pushing. ♥ (now to just do that another 4 times over, lol)

So, I got six stitches above my tooth, and it bleeds a lot, and hurts like all hells, but it's done and hopefully this'll stop the random infection things I get when I get sick, too. :) And no I didn't put on Reichenbach... I put on TGG, lol. Almost fell asleep twice 'cause I was just you know going that far away. And it should probably bother someone out there that I find multiple murders terribly calming when being drilled on... there's got to be some law against that. What was best was me trying to get to the pharmacy... I kept running into walls, I was tilting to the right, hehe. Fanboy says when I got home I was "tripping over things before I got to them," lol.

I banished everyone from the telly when my games are on today (and hopefully tomorrow), unfortunately what I thought would happen in the afternoon match happened. :( Trump beat O'Sulivan, rather soundly... I would've felt better if Ronnie had been playing his A game or even his B game, this was like B- game. Anyway, the Selby/Murphy game starts in a few minutes and that should be interesting... What 'm really worried about game-wise is that whoever wins the Robertson/Williams game tomorrow will be going up against Trump and they both can have bad days... so it could be messy. Yes, I know you all were dying to hear me babble about snooker didn't you. Hey, at least 'm not on about Sherlock or Merlin or Pup being all SHE, lesser of evils I think. :P

ETA 2: FUCK OFF I have a right to watch telly, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I spend EVERY day watchcing your banal shite, but when one of my tourneys is on I'm being unreasonable and mean... wtf, and I even tried to explain it and according to HER 'm being illogical.
Oh, and it doesn't help that while 'm sitting here crying, all I can see is "the Fall" replaying behind my eyes.
FML

ETA: I must still be a bit wonky... read the schedule wrong it's Dott/Higgins tonight, lol.


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Guh! I tried to go to sleep last night and my brain would not stop playing and replaying out how to fix it or the return at least... and it was always the same and it was always slashy... slashy, slashy, slashy!!!!! Argh! I don't even really, I mean occasionally, but not really go there with the heavy stuff... 'm much more on the ACE end of things there, and I guess my brain could have been there, but there was KISSING! Do you hear me, they were kissing.
And worse, 'm still trying to resist the urge to write it down. *ugh*
I mean, at this point 'm not even sure the blog!fic is going that way, well, this is me, so even if I don't mean it to, it will wind up having slashy undertones and there will be some pre-slash going on, but well, watching the show gives you that. *head in hands* I hate my brain. I really hate it.


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