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heavenlyxbodiesSo, yes, as horrifying a concept as it may be, Mys is still alive and kicking, slightly more with the kicking than before, if truth be told.
Lots of stuff going on, sorta, in an abstract weird way. Told my p-doc I wanted my cocktail changed and I think he over compensated, but he at least FINALLY listened to me about something. Lowered one of my meds and, well, between February 22nd of 2012 and February 22nd of 2013 I wrote 3 fics (granted one was the JLBB, but still), between February 23rd 2013 and March 23rd 2013 I have written 5… do the math. I know ppl ‘round here probably aren’t terribly happy about my state atm- aloof, indifferent, uncaring, just some of the terms bantered about when I’m like this, but fuck it, I’m not numb anymore, I can write again, and I’m not constantly battling to keep my ass conscious! Hypomanic or mixed-state I may be, but for fuck’s sake at least I don’t feel DEAD!
I have written 3 SPN fics, Briana’s birthday Spander fic, and, don’t anyone die of shock, a NCIS fic. Started another Dean/Cas fic and put polishing touches (I hope) on 4 other fics that had been in varying stages of completion since sometime last year (or before), but those I need to send to Arthur for approval, esp since a couple I don’t even remember writing.
And I am trying not to get discouraged by the fact that my lone little fluke of a NCIS fic has gotten more and better attention across the boards than my last 3 SPN fics combined. Really, I’m trying… hard (no pun intended).
I have also developed or rekindled exponentially my lost love of TS, even forced Arthur to read one that particularly had me. Now if I could just get the bloody search engine over at Prospect to like me. *grumbles and kicks futilely at cyber-machine* I am currently going through some 1400 ‘first time’ entries- I either get numbers like that or 0 returned results… I’ve made it to the L’s as of a few hours ago, lol. My biggest issue? I refuse to accept the existence of TSbyBS. We’re talking full on fingers in the ears screaming “This Is the Song That Never Ends” or maybe “Yellow Submarine” to hells with simple ‘lalalalalalalala’ing, but somehow… somehow ALL DAY today every fic I pull up is set during or post TSbyBS… the really shitty part, I’ve read the last couple (hence the shooting and going 'round the U). Not a bad thing when you consider I kinda like the author, but a really bad thing when you consider how violently my gut twists and I feel like either crying or regurgitating my stomach contents over cop!Blair. And I know, I know… I’m just transferring or some such (you want details you’ll have to ask), but it still hurts. And damn it fic isn’t supposed to hurt, least not like that!
On a slightly stranger note, I really should have more trouble randomly going from reading really questionable Jim/Blair sex scenes to putting on whatever misc TS ep is in the VLC queue, but… nope; it’s like “OMGs scented oil AGAIN!!!!!!!!!” *chucks fic and goes for the real thing* “Oh, psycho of the week attacking Blair, all is right with my world, now” *head desk* Somewhere, somehow there has to be something fundamentally wrong with this concept- sex versus psychos and the psychos are winning- but damn if I can find it.
Oh, yeah, and Fuckboy is trying to make nice with me. He tried to pull me in with one of our old conversations about language and word meanings the other day. And today he was all trying to get me to talk about what movies/tv shows the Clan was gonna watch tonight. At least he’s moved on to actual words rather than trying to tempt me (and really he should know me better than this) by making sure I know he’s watching NCIS or CSI or CM or SPN ‘cause really that was just fucking cruel. But I guess he finally realized it wasn’t going to work when I kept walking in to turn the aquarium light off and darted a look at the telly rattling off the show and ep absently as I walked back out. Ass wants to see if I’m paying attention, damn right, I’m paying attention and I’ll slap his damn face with said attention if he wants to keep tormenting me like that. Honestly, though I think it was the three nights in a row of SPN, when he knew they were some of my fav eps. I’m also thinking he’s realizing how serious I am about this whole shit since I have yet to breakdown and natter with him about Misha coming back for S9 and he knows I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this stuff.
On a slightly less fanish note, I finally got to watch the Les Mis movie. It was pretty good. Pup even liked it, which considering she is of the Phantom side of the street was more than I was expecting. :) Still, it was annoying as hells to have to sit there and not even hum… every time I so much as let a single note of hummage seep out I got verbally bitchslapped. Anyway, I was… not disappointed, but I had expected to be more shaken than I was. I mean, I’ve been in tears every time I saw it in the theatre and even the big 25th Anniversary performance thing had me crying. Anyway, I want to watch it again when I don’t have to be on my guard so much and can actually enjoy it more. Though, Arthur was telling me there was some big negative hubbub over Russell Crowe’s Javert, and, well, WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Are ppl stupid? Wait, don’t answer that… Let me rephrase- are ppl blind and deaf? Not saying he’s the best Javert out there or anything, but damn, what ARE these ppl on about? I keep wondering if she meant Jackman’s Valjean, but this is Arthur, and a) she’s damn near as particular as me when it comes to picking out stuff like that and conveying it and b) you have never seen someone fangrrl over a character the way she does over Valjean (and I mean the character not the character as portrayed by… though she does have some choice words about, well, never mind, point is I can’t see her saying one and meaning the other). I thought it was kinda interesting how they decided to weave in more of the plot, but then there’s some stuff I just don’t get why they changed. Like Eponine’s death scene, I mean… it’s so much more heart-rending and powerful for her to die returning to Marius after taking the letter to Cosette, the shear poetry of it makes you want to cry, then you add the whammy of “A Little Fall of Rain” and it’s just heart combustion time, even for someone who’s supposedly as cold-hearted as me. And I think this was the first time I didn’t cry when they killed Gavroche.
Anywho, I have fic to read, shows to watch, fic to WRITE (lookit, I can say that without wanting to cry or rip my hair out, much, lol), and the Great Fandom Repost to work on, so I am shutting up now and going to poke this TS fic with a stick and make sure an anthropologist falls out from under it and not a cop then maybe finish up the little drabble I’m working on for Arthur
Lots of stuff going on, sorta, in an abstract weird way. Told my p-doc I wanted my cocktail changed and I think he over compensated, but he at least FINALLY listened to me about something. Lowered one of my meds and, well, between February 22nd of 2012 and February 22nd of 2013 I wrote 3 fics (granted one was the JLBB, but still), between February 23rd 2013 and March 23rd 2013 I have written 5… do the math. I know ppl ‘round here probably aren’t terribly happy about my state atm- aloof, indifferent, uncaring, just some of the terms bantered about when I’m like this, but fuck it, I’m not numb anymore, I can write again, and I’m not constantly battling to keep my ass conscious! Hypomanic or mixed-state I may be, but for fuck’s sake at least I don’t feel DEAD!
I have written 3 SPN fics, Briana’s birthday Spander fic, and, don’t anyone die of shock, a NCIS fic. Started another Dean/Cas fic and put polishing touches (I hope) on 4 other fics that had been in varying stages of completion since sometime last year (or before), but those I need to send to Arthur for approval, esp since a couple I don’t even remember writing.
And I am trying not to get discouraged by the fact that my lone little fluke of a NCIS fic has gotten more and better attention across the boards than my last 3 SPN fics combined. Really, I’m trying… hard (no pun intended).
I have also developed or rekindled exponentially my lost love of TS, even forced Arthur to read one that particularly had me. Now if I could just get the bloody search engine over at Prospect to like me. *grumbles and kicks futilely at cyber-machine* I am currently going through some 1400 ‘first time’ entries- I either get numbers like that or 0 returned results… I’ve made it to the L’s as of a few hours ago, lol. My biggest issue? I refuse to accept the existence of TSbyBS. We’re talking full on fingers in the ears screaming “This Is the Song That Never Ends” or maybe “Yellow Submarine” to hells with simple ‘lalalalalalalala’ing, but somehow… somehow ALL DAY today every fic I pull up is set during or post TSbyBS… the really shitty part, I’ve read the last couple (hence the shooting and going 'round the U). Not a bad thing when you consider I kinda like the author, but a really bad thing when you consider how violently my gut twists and I feel like either crying or regurgitating my stomach contents over cop!Blair. And I know, I know… I’m just transferring or some such (you want details you’ll have to ask), but it still hurts. And damn it fic isn’t supposed to hurt, least not like that!
On a slightly stranger note, I really should have more trouble randomly going from reading really questionable Jim/Blair sex scenes to putting on whatever misc TS ep is in the VLC queue, but… nope; it’s like “OMGs scented oil AGAIN!!!!!!!!!” *chucks fic and goes for the real thing* “Oh, psycho of the week attacking Blair, all is right with my world, now” *head desk* Somewhere, somehow there has to be something fundamentally wrong with this concept- sex versus psychos and the psychos are winning- but damn if I can find it.
Oh, yeah, and Fuckboy is trying to make nice with me. He tried to pull me in with one of our old conversations about language and word meanings the other day. And today he was all trying to get me to talk about what movies/tv shows the Clan was gonna watch tonight. At least he’s moved on to actual words rather than trying to tempt me (and really he should know me better than this) by making sure I know he’s watching NCIS or CSI or CM or SPN ‘cause really that was just fucking cruel. But I guess he finally realized it wasn’t going to work when I kept walking in to turn the aquarium light off and darted a look at the telly rattling off the show and ep absently as I walked back out. Ass wants to see if I’m paying attention, damn right, I’m paying attention and I’ll slap his damn face with said attention if he wants to keep tormenting me like that. Honestly, though I think it was the three nights in a row of SPN, when he knew they were some of my fav eps. I’m also thinking he’s realizing how serious I am about this whole shit since I have yet to breakdown and natter with him about Misha coming back for S9 and he knows I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this stuff.
On a slightly less fanish note, I finally got to watch the Les Mis movie. It was pretty good. Pup even liked it, which considering she is of the Phantom side of the street was more than I was expecting. :) Still, it was annoying as hells to have to sit there and not even hum… every time I so much as let a single note of hummage seep out I got verbally bitchslapped. Anyway, I was… not disappointed, but I had expected to be more shaken than I was. I mean, I’ve been in tears every time I saw it in the theatre and even the big 25th Anniversary performance thing had me crying. Anyway, I want to watch it again when I don’t have to be on my guard so much and can actually enjoy it more. Though, Arthur was telling me there was some big negative hubbub over Russell Crowe’s Javert, and, well, WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Are ppl stupid? Wait, don’t answer that… Let me rephrase- are ppl blind and deaf? Not saying he’s the best Javert out there or anything, but damn, what ARE these ppl on about? I keep wondering if she meant Jackman’s Valjean, but this is Arthur, and a) she’s damn near as particular as me when it comes to picking out stuff like that and conveying it and b) you have never seen someone fangrrl over a character the way she does over Valjean (and I mean the character not the character as portrayed by… though she does have some choice words about, well, never mind, point is I can’t see her saying one and meaning the other). I thought it was kinda interesting how they decided to weave in more of the plot, but then there’s some stuff I just don’t get why they changed. Like Eponine’s death scene, I mean… it’s so much more heart-rending and powerful for her to die returning to Marius after taking the letter to Cosette, the shear poetry of it makes you want to cry, then you add the whammy of “A Little Fall of Rain” and it’s just heart combustion time, even for someone who’s supposedly as cold-hearted as me. And I think this was the first time I didn’t cry when they killed Gavroche.
Anywho, I have fic to read, shows to watch, fic to WRITE (lookit, I can say that without wanting to cry or rip my hair out, much, lol), and the Great Fandom Repost to work on, so I am shutting up now and going to poke this TS fic with a stick and make sure an anthropologist falls out from under it and not a cop then maybe finish up the little drabble I’m working on for Arthur
