And more of Mys’ movie rantings…
Dec. 14th, 2012 06:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
heavenlyxbodiesYou know, I was just gonna include this on my next post... then I realized how bloody long it was and figured I wouldn't subject ppl to it unless they wanted it, lol.
(movie synopses/descriptions from movieweb.com and/or IMDB with occasional edits by me 'cause quite frankly it's a long list and sometimes I can't even remember the plot, and you guys have seen my summaries, lol)
2012
Rosewood Lane- When radio talk show psychiatrist, Dr. Sonny Blake, moves back to her hometown, she takes notice of her neighborhood paper boy's unusual behavior.- blasé, not bad, but not good, either. It was a bit different, not quite cookie-cutter, more of a psychological horror than anything, and quite frankly I think they missed a huge opportunity wth their endgame set-up- not enough foreshadowing for to have as good an effect as it should’ve. If they’dplayed on that a tiny bit more it could’ve made a huge difference imo
The Awakening- not nearly as bad as I was thinking it would be. It was actually pretty good. Good story, a few things that weren’t explained satisfactorily, but they were few and far between, overall a nice little movie.
2011
Scream 4- Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell), now the author of a self-help book, returns home to Woodsboro on the last stop of her book tour. There she reconnects with Sheriff Dewey (David Arquette) and Gale (Courteney Cox), who are now married, as well as her cousin Jill (Emma Roberts) and her Aunt Kate (Mary McDonnell). Unfortunately Sidney's appearance also brings about the return of Ghostface, putting Sidney, Gale, and Dewey, along with Jill, her friends, and the whole town of Woodsboro in danger.- Okay, I LOVE the Scream movies, absolutely love them, but I was sooooooo very hesitant about this thing… I shouldn’t have been, though it is the weakest film in the series, it was still fun and interesting and a good mix of fun and blood.
11/11/11 (not to be confused with 11-11-11)- Jack and Melissa are frightened by their son's bizarre and violent behavior; they soon learn that he is the gateway to the Apocalypse, and it will happen on his birthday, 11-11-11.- blech, just blech. It wasn’t that t was badly done, or acted, or the story wasn’t there, it was just… it kept starting to go someplace then it would taper off and then it would start to go someplace which may have been the same place, but taking a different road, but then it would taper off… and repeat. Then it just ended- Omen style. So I say again blech
2009
Amusement- Tabitha. Shelby. Lisa. They’re longtime friends on separate life paths. But they share a horrific destination when a seemingly innocent incident from their school days comes back to terrify them. Something someone wants payback: warped vengeance…mind-games vengeance…taunting, shredding, slashing vengeance. Inside a stonewalled chamber of prison cells and mechanisms of doom, the three women and other victims face a fierce fight to survive. Who lives? Who dies? Its all for someones Amusement - Doesn’t really live up to its name/description. It’s more standard psycho killer fare than psycho killer fair. I wouldn’t waste my time.
The Thaw- At a remote Arctic research station, four ecology students discover the real horror of global warming is not the melting ice, but what's frozen within it. A prehistoric parasite is released from the carcass of a Woolly Mammoth upon the unsuspecting students who are forced to quarantine and make necessary sacrifices, or risk infecting the rest of the world.- Uh, yeah… can we say boring. I mean boring, with a side order of predictable and pointless, and did I mention boring. To be cliche- it should have stayed frozen.
2008
House (not to be confused or associated in anyway with the 1986 House with William Katt- “Welcome to my house. House rules: 1. God came into my house and i killed him. 2. I will kill anyone who comes into my house as i killed God. 3. Give me one dead body and i might let rule two slide. GAME OVER AT DAWN.”- surprisingly good for what it seemed like. Not gonna be among my favourites, but then again we all know how picky I am. Still, I would throw it out there if someone asked me for a decent horror flick. Good story (better than the description would let on), nice pace, good ‘twists’, all and all a pretty good movie, definitely one of the better ones I’ve seen of late.
2007
The Mist- Following a violent thunderstorm, artist David Drayton and a small town community come under vicious attack from creatures prowling in a thick and unnatural mist. Local rumors point to an experiment called the 'The Arrowhead Project' conducted at a nearby top-secret military base, but questions as to the origins of the deadly vapor are secondary to the group's overall chances for survival. Retreating to a local supermarket, Drayton and the survivors must face-off against each other before taking a united stand against an enemy they cannot even see! - ugh, if I’d realized it was Stephen King I wouldn’t have bothered. It’s dark and a bit predictable (very predictable if you know it’s a Stephen King story). And there’s seeming inconsistencies in parts of it, always a bad thing for me.
Vacancy- A late night detour leads to an unimaginable nightmare when an estranged couple's car breaks down on a remote country road. Finding themselves stranded on a dark and deserted two-lane highway, David Fox (Luke Wilson) and his soon-to-be ex-wife Amy (Kate Beckinsale) are forced to spend the night at a seedy motel run by an odd but seemingly harmless proprietor (Frank Whaley). In their filthy, threadbare room, the bickering couple finds a cache of homemade slasher films that look disturbingly real. Once they realize the blood-soaked videos were shot in the very room in which they're staying, David and Amy know they will be the sadistic filmmakers' next victims unless they put aside their differences and work together to escape.- Hmm, a bit on the cheesy side in that it has a standard overall premise, but the execution of it isn’t bad, isn’t bad at all. I can actually say I liked this one.
Severance- A team-building weekend in the mountains of Eastern Europe goes horribly wrong for the sales division of the multi-national weapons company Palisade Defence when they become the victims of a group of crazed killers who will stop at nothing to see them dead.- I was hoping for something more. It was a bit gross, but mostly boring. I mean it tried, but it never really explained anything and was just a bunch of running around watching ppl get killed in various ways by secret assassins.
Return to House on Haunted Hill- 8 years have passed since Sara Wolfe and Eddie Baker escaped the House on Haunted Hill. Now the kidnapped Ariel, Sara's sister, goes inside the house with a group of treasure hunters to find the statue of Baphomet, worth millions and believed to be the cause of the House's evil.- blah, disappointing, not bad per se, just not what one would expect from a Dark Castle film. As far as plot, etc… goes it was actually okay for a sequel, but it just never grabbed me, even a little. :/ (It had some major tinges of Ghost Ship going on imo, which probably did more harm than good since I adore that movie, lol.)
These are either not horror (suspense/thriller +/- action) or are things that I don’t know and can’t be bothered to look up the release dates on:
Cube 2: Hypercube- Eight strangers awaken with no memory and find themselves in a puzzling cube shaped room where the laws of physics do not always apply. (isn’t that the same description as the first one?)- I’d actually seen most of this before, I hadn’t realized how much until I was watching it this time, actually from the beginning... It’s okay, not great. Falls into the mind numbing, background, don’t have to think or pay much attention type horror. To me it’s more the kind of thing you watch to kill time before what you really wanna watch comes on. Though I will allow some points to it for watching Geraint Wyn Davies be uber creepy and eventually psychotic.
Cube Zero (Cube 3)- A young man whose job is to watch over the Cube endeavours to rescue an innocent woman trapped in one of its rooms. - Well, now, just when you think you’ve gotten the franchise figured out they throw you a curveball. This one was fun, though it had one major point that I didn’t understand- if our ‘hero’ is such a prodigy what’s he doing working that job? If they could’ve explained that or used his particular way of thinking more, then it would have been really, really good. As it stands it’s surprisingly good, it takes the series from standard formulae to actual plot.
Contagion- A thriller centered on the threat posed by a deadly disease and an international team of doctors contracted by the CDC to deal with the outbreak.- it is very, very seldom that I will actually stop watching a movie, at least not a movie I set out to watch, but this was just… tiring. It never actually went anywhere, at least not anywhere a movie should go, it was more like watching an ‘in case of emergency’ video. I stopped about 2/3 of the way through… I just couldn’t stand to lose another hour of my life to it.
The Expendables- Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) is a man with nothing to lose. Fearless and void of emotion, he is the leader, the sage and the strategist of this tight-knit band of men who live on the fringe. His only attachment is to his pickup truck, his seaplane and his team of loyal modern-day warriors. His is a true cynic who describes what he does as removing those hard to get at stains. The team behind him is made up of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), former SAS and a savant with anything that has a blade; Yin Yang (Jet Li), a master at close-quarter combat; Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), who has known Barney for ten years and is a long-barrel weapons specialist; Toll Road (Randy Couture), a skilled demolitions expert and considered the intellect of the group; and Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), a combat veteran and an expert in precision sniping who struggles with his own demons.
When the mysterious Church offers Barney a job no one else would take, Barney and his team embark on what appears to be a routine mission: overthrow General Gaza (David Zayas), the murderous dictator of the small island country of Vilena and end the years of death and destruction inflicted on its people. On a reconnaissance mission to Vilena, Barney and Christmas meet their contact Sandra (Giselle Itie), a local freedom-fighter with a dark secret. They also come to learn who their true enemy is: rogue ex-CIA operative James Monroe (Eric Roberts) and his henchman Paine (Steve Austin). When things go terribly wrong, Barney and Christmas are forced to leave Sandra behind, essentially giving her a death sentence. Haunted by this failure, Barney convinces the team to return to Vilena to rescue the hostage and finish the job he started. And to perhaps save a soul: his own.- Oh, my, I ran across this (and a bunch of the others in this round of ‘reviews’) on a torrent website and my, oh, my… you know those moments in your life when you just wanna watch something with ppl kicking ass and explosions (gunfire optional, but welcome), yes, well this is a movie absolutely curtailed to those moments. And the cast is… yeah, it’s Stallone’s baby and he got damn near every action hero known to mankind to at least cameo, and the ones he didn’t get for this one, he got for #2, lol. Yes, this made me embarrassingly happy, lol.
NB for gamer geeks- a lot of those lines in WoW from the 'famous' hirelings or whatever WoW calls them can be found in here or the second one (from what little I've seen of it)
The Tournament- Every seven years in an unsuspecting town, The Tournament takes place. A battle royale between 30 of the world's deadliest assassins. The last man standing receiving the $10,000,000 cash prize and the title of Worlds No 1, which itself carries the legendary million dollar a bullet price tag.- Honestly, I can barely remember it. It was all a bit surreal, when it shouldn’t and didn’t mean to be. I can’t even give it my usual nice background/mindless movie okay. It wasn’t even that, which was a real pity ‘cause it could’ve been a lot of mindless violence type fun. As it was, it couldn’t even pull that off.
Eagle Eye- Jerry and Rachel are two strangers thrown together by a mysterious phone call from a woman they have never met. Threatening their lives and family, she pushes Jerry and Rachel into a series of increasingly dangerous situations, using the technology of everyday life to track and control their every move.- Well, now, I was interested, but not really expecting to enjoy this as much as I did. Very nice ‘ghost in the machine’ coupled with ‘Big Brother is watching you’ film. All the bits that make conspiracy theorists and cyber paranoid ppl seem almost vaguely sane. If you want a good old school suspense thriller then absolutely go for this one.
Source Code- When decorated soldier Captain Colter Stevens (Jake Gyllenhaal) wakes up in the body of an unknown man, he discovers he’s part of a mission to find the bomber of a Chicago commuter train. In an assignment unlike any he’s ever known, he learns he’s part of a government experiment called the “Source Code,” a program that enables him to cross over into another man's identity in the last 8 minutes of his life. With a second, much larger target threatening to kill millions in downtown Chicago, Colter re-lives the incident over and over again, gathering clues each time, until he can solve the mystery of who is behind the bombs and prevent the next attack.- Oh, it started out so well, and okay, it was fine. Nice premise and Jake Gyllenhaal, which is always a plus in my book, and it went in a nice direction, BUT I have a rather large problem with one of the plot points, a major plot point, and it’s hard for me to get over such glaring oversights. All in all, it was a fun ride, and if you aren’t disturbed by plot holes or unresolved major plot points then definitely worth watching.
Witchville- In the Middle Ages, Erik and Jason seek out his compatriot Malachy and force him to return to his homeland. When they arrive, they find that Malachy's father, the King, is dead and their lands are completely devastated. Soon, witch hunter Kramer meets Malachy and tells him that a coven of witches led by the evil Red Queen is responsible for the destruction of the crops. Malachi teams-up with Erik, Jake, Kramer and four warrior-thieves to find the Red Queen. But the witch is very powerful and the skilled warrior Jozefa protects her. (for the record, I don’t like parts of this summary, but it’s the best one around)- why did I waste my time on this again? Oh, yeah, boredom, plus self-imposed exile, plus well, bugger I dl’d it, I might as well watch it. I think this was one of those SyFy (is that how they’re spelling it these days) blips of horror (not the genre). It was about what you’d expect from an old school cheap USA Original Movie, one of the ones they made for filler, not because they thought it would actually be any good at all, ever, in any way. Not terribly interesting, bordering on offensive for any of those hardcore “witches” out there, horribly choreographed fight scenes, almost as bad costuming, need I go on- and guys, I don’t care how low-budget you are, when your hero is supposed to be the sword half of sword and sorcery you do not let the camera slip to the perfect and completely unmarred hard sole of his boots- seriously, not even a scratch like he’d had them on for more than 5 minutes, let alone been supposed to have just gone several rounds with things that wanted to kill him.
The Reaping- A former Christian missionary, who specializes in debunking religious phenomena, investigates a small town which seems to be suffering from the 10 biblical plagues. (minor note, I believe she was actually an Ordained Minister, not only a missionary)- This one was good. I’m even planning on trying to get Pup to watch it, and she loves Hilary Swank, so I might actually have a shot, lol. Anyway, good plot, fun ride, just generally all over well done. Definitely the kind of thing I was looking for when I started this little sojourn.
The Hills Run Red- The story centers on a film fanatic whose obsession with finding a complete print of an infamous slasher movie leads him and two friends into the backwoods where the film was shot. They realize too late that filming never ended -- and now they must survive a nightmarish onslaught or become part of the movie forever.- Well, then… it sounds pretty cheesy and a bit on the ‘been done’ side kids/teens/college students go in search of mythical item/beastie/place and wind up getting caught up in/by said item/beastie/place, but it was fun, and they didn’t really overdo the gore. And thank the gods they didn’t do it in that, damn what do they call it,
How to Be a Serial Killer- the story of Mike Wilson, a charismatic, educated, and articulate young man who has found his life's purpose in exterminating people. Mike is determined to spread his message about the joy of serial killing and recruits a lost soul named Bart to be his pupil. Mike leads Bart through the ethics of serial killing as well as teaching him various lessons in disposing corpses, balancing work and play, methods of killing, and many many more.- Matthew Gray Gubbler as an apprentice serial killer- that sentence alone should be enough to get you to watch it! ♥ But if you need more, yes, it is fun, actually I love how they did it, parts of it are done as if it were a motivational seminar and they’re just beautiful. Really a LOT of fun just made that much better by MGG. :D
Psychic Experiment- An idyllic, small, self-sufficient community. On the surface, it seems like the perfect neighborhood. Everything you could possibly need is within walking distance. But the pastoral exterior conceals a dark past and an even darker secret. As a group of individuals (each with their own ties and agendas with the town and each other) converge on the enclave, strange things begin to happen. Very strange things. Strange enough to test (and then break) the very fabric of reality itself.- blah, just blah, I’m not even sure it would make good background noise since I kept falling asleep and having to rewind it… and some aspects of it were kinda triggery, not for me, but they screamed out at me that they could very easily be for other ppl.
(on a side note movieweb.com lists Stonehenge Apocalypse under the horror section… bawahahahahahahaha)
I was talking to MM about horror movies and somehow wound up asking her about Phantasm and Puppet Master… I got frighteningly blank stares at both and slanty, cock-eyed looks upon trying to explain the Phantasm orbs. This set me about trying to get ahold of said films. I did (and since when are there 11 Puppet Master movies, and how come I hadn’t seen the last 4, though really 8? Should that even be counted as a movie… it was more like a really long set of visual cliff notes that tried to line up all the storylines from all the films, even though there are at least 3 separate timelines/verses/versions that are contradictory to each other… but I digress) and have spent the last few days gorging myself on them. Phantasm 2 and 3 and Puppet Master 3 are still my favourites… they make me happy; I’m gonna try to get MM to watch them with me one day.
I’ve also decided I want a Phantasm orb. :P~
(movie synopses/descriptions from movieweb.com and/or IMDB with occasional edits by me 'cause quite frankly it's a long list and sometimes I can't even remember the plot, and you guys have seen my summaries, lol)
2012
Rosewood Lane- When radio talk show psychiatrist, Dr. Sonny Blake, moves back to her hometown, she takes notice of her neighborhood paper boy's unusual behavior.- blasé, not bad, but not good, either. It was a bit different, not quite cookie-cutter, more of a psychological horror than anything, and quite frankly I think they missed a huge opportunity wth their endgame set-up- not enough foreshadowing for to have as good an effect as it should’ve. If they’dplayed on that a tiny bit more it could’ve made a huge difference imo
The Awakening- not nearly as bad as I was thinking it would be. It was actually pretty good. Good story, a few things that weren’t explained satisfactorily, but they were few and far between, overall a nice little movie.
2011
Scream 4- Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell), now the author of a self-help book, returns home to Woodsboro on the last stop of her book tour. There she reconnects with Sheriff Dewey (David Arquette) and Gale (Courteney Cox), who are now married, as well as her cousin Jill (Emma Roberts) and her Aunt Kate (Mary McDonnell). Unfortunately Sidney's appearance also brings about the return of Ghostface, putting Sidney, Gale, and Dewey, along with Jill, her friends, and the whole town of Woodsboro in danger.- Okay, I LOVE the Scream movies, absolutely love them, but I was sooooooo very hesitant about this thing… I shouldn’t have been, though it is the weakest film in the series, it was still fun and interesting and a good mix of fun and blood.
11/11/11 (not to be confused with 11-11-11)- Jack and Melissa are frightened by their son's bizarre and violent behavior; they soon learn that he is the gateway to the Apocalypse, and it will happen on his birthday, 11-11-11.- blech, just blech. It wasn’t that t was badly done, or acted, or the story wasn’t there, it was just… it kept starting to go someplace then it would taper off and then it would start to go someplace which may have been the same place, but taking a different road, but then it would taper off… and repeat. Then it just ended- Omen style. So I say again blech
2009
Amusement- Tabitha. Shelby. Lisa. They’re longtime friends on separate life paths. But they share a horrific destination when a seemingly innocent incident from their school days comes back to terrify them. Something someone wants payback: warped vengeance…mind-games vengeance…taunting, shredding, slashing vengeance. Inside a stonewalled chamber of prison cells and mechanisms of doom, the three women and other victims face a fierce fight to survive. Who lives? Who dies? Its all for someones Amusement - Doesn’t really live up to its name/description. It’s more standard psycho killer fare than psycho killer fair. I wouldn’t waste my time.
The Thaw- At a remote Arctic research station, four ecology students discover the real horror of global warming is not the melting ice, but what's frozen within it. A prehistoric parasite is released from the carcass of a Woolly Mammoth upon the unsuspecting students who are forced to quarantine and make necessary sacrifices, or risk infecting the rest of the world.- Uh, yeah… can we say boring. I mean boring, with a side order of predictable and pointless, and did I mention boring. To be cliche- it should have stayed frozen.
2008
House (not to be confused or associated in anyway with the 1986 House with William Katt- “Welcome to my house. House rules: 1. God came into my house and i killed him. 2. I will kill anyone who comes into my house as i killed God. 3. Give me one dead body and i might let rule two slide. GAME OVER AT DAWN.”- surprisingly good for what it seemed like. Not gonna be among my favourites, but then again we all know how picky I am. Still, I would throw it out there if someone asked me for a decent horror flick. Good story (better than the description would let on), nice pace, good ‘twists’, all and all a pretty good movie, definitely one of the better ones I’ve seen of late.
2007
The Mist- Following a violent thunderstorm, artist David Drayton and a small town community come under vicious attack from creatures prowling in a thick and unnatural mist. Local rumors point to an experiment called the 'The Arrowhead Project' conducted at a nearby top-secret military base, but questions as to the origins of the deadly vapor are secondary to the group's overall chances for survival. Retreating to a local supermarket, Drayton and the survivors must face-off against each other before taking a united stand against an enemy they cannot even see! - ugh, if I’d realized it was Stephen King I wouldn’t have bothered. It’s dark and a bit predictable (very predictable if you know it’s a Stephen King story). And there’s seeming inconsistencies in parts of it, always a bad thing for me.
Vacancy- A late night detour leads to an unimaginable nightmare when an estranged couple's car breaks down on a remote country road. Finding themselves stranded on a dark and deserted two-lane highway, David Fox (Luke Wilson) and his soon-to-be ex-wife Amy (Kate Beckinsale) are forced to spend the night at a seedy motel run by an odd but seemingly harmless proprietor (Frank Whaley). In their filthy, threadbare room, the bickering couple finds a cache of homemade slasher films that look disturbingly real. Once they realize the blood-soaked videos were shot in the very room in which they're staying, David and Amy know they will be the sadistic filmmakers' next victims unless they put aside their differences and work together to escape.- Hmm, a bit on the cheesy side in that it has a standard overall premise, but the execution of it isn’t bad, isn’t bad at all. I can actually say I liked this one.
Severance- A team-building weekend in the mountains of Eastern Europe goes horribly wrong for the sales division of the multi-national weapons company Palisade Defence when they become the victims of a group of crazed killers who will stop at nothing to see them dead.- I was hoping for something more. It was a bit gross, but mostly boring. I mean it tried, but it never really explained anything and was just a bunch of running around watching ppl get killed in various ways by secret assassins.
Return to House on Haunted Hill- 8 years have passed since Sara Wolfe and Eddie Baker escaped the House on Haunted Hill. Now the kidnapped Ariel, Sara's sister, goes inside the house with a group of treasure hunters to find the statue of Baphomet, worth millions and believed to be the cause of the House's evil.- blah, disappointing, not bad per se, just not what one would expect from a Dark Castle film. As far as plot, etc… goes it was actually okay for a sequel, but it just never grabbed me, even a little. :/ (It had some major tinges of Ghost Ship going on imo, which probably did more harm than good since I adore that movie, lol.)
These are either not horror (suspense/thriller +/- action) or are things that I don’t know and can’t be bothered to look up the release dates on:
Cube 2: Hypercube- Eight strangers awaken with no memory and find themselves in a puzzling cube shaped room where the laws of physics do not always apply. (isn’t that the same description as the first one?)- I’d actually seen most of this before, I hadn’t realized how much until I was watching it this time, actually from the beginning... It’s okay, not great. Falls into the mind numbing, background, don’t have to think or pay much attention type horror. To me it’s more the kind of thing you watch to kill time before what you really wanna watch comes on. Though I will allow some points to it for watching Geraint Wyn Davies be uber creepy and eventually psychotic.
Cube Zero (Cube 3)- A young man whose job is to watch over the Cube endeavours to rescue an innocent woman trapped in one of its rooms. - Well, now, just when you think you’ve gotten the franchise figured out they throw you a curveball. This one was fun, though it had one major point that I didn’t understand- if our ‘hero’ is such a prodigy what’s he doing working that job? If they could’ve explained that or used his particular way of thinking more, then it would have been really, really good. As it stands it’s surprisingly good, it takes the series from standard formulae to actual plot.
Contagion- A thriller centered on the threat posed by a deadly disease and an international team of doctors contracted by the CDC to deal with the outbreak.- it is very, very seldom that I will actually stop watching a movie, at least not a movie I set out to watch, but this was just… tiring. It never actually went anywhere, at least not anywhere a movie should go, it was more like watching an ‘in case of emergency’ video. I stopped about 2/3 of the way through… I just couldn’t stand to lose another hour of my life to it.
The Expendables- Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) is a man with nothing to lose. Fearless and void of emotion, he is the leader, the sage and the strategist of this tight-knit band of men who live on the fringe. His only attachment is to his pickup truck, his seaplane and his team of loyal modern-day warriors. His is a true cynic who describes what he does as removing those hard to get at stains. The team behind him is made up of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), former SAS and a savant with anything that has a blade; Yin Yang (Jet Li), a master at close-quarter combat; Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), who has known Barney for ten years and is a long-barrel weapons specialist; Toll Road (Randy Couture), a skilled demolitions expert and considered the intellect of the group; and Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), a combat veteran and an expert in precision sniping who struggles with his own demons.
When the mysterious Church offers Barney a job no one else would take, Barney and his team embark on what appears to be a routine mission: overthrow General Gaza (David Zayas), the murderous dictator of the small island country of Vilena and end the years of death and destruction inflicted on its people. On a reconnaissance mission to Vilena, Barney and Christmas meet their contact Sandra (Giselle Itie), a local freedom-fighter with a dark secret. They also come to learn who their true enemy is: rogue ex-CIA operative James Monroe (Eric Roberts) and his henchman Paine (Steve Austin). When things go terribly wrong, Barney and Christmas are forced to leave Sandra behind, essentially giving her a death sentence. Haunted by this failure, Barney convinces the team to return to Vilena to rescue the hostage and finish the job he started. And to perhaps save a soul: his own.- Oh, my, I ran across this (and a bunch of the others in this round of ‘reviews’) on a torrent website and my, oh, my… you know those moments in your life when you just wanna watch something with ppl kicking ass and explosions (gunfire optional, but welcome), yes, well this is a movie absolutely curtailed to those moments. And the cast is… yeah, it’s Stallone’s baby and he got damn near every action hero known to mankind to at least cameo, and the ones he didn’t get for this one, he got for #2, lol. Yes, this made me embarrassingly happy, lol.
NB for gamer geeks- a lot of those lines in WoW from the 'famous' hirelings or whatever WoW calls them can be found in here or the second one (from what little I've seen of it)
The Tournament- Every seven years in an unsuspecting town, The Tournament takes place. A battle royale between 30 of the world's deadliest assassins. The last man standing receiving the $10,000,000 cash prize and the title of Worlds No 1, which itself carries the legendary million dollar a bullet price tag.- Honestly, I can barely remember it. It was all a bit surreal, when it shouldn’t and didn’t mean to be. I can’t even give it my usual nice background/mindless movie okay. It wasn’t even that, which was a real pity ‘cause it could’ve been a lot of mindless violence type fun. As it was, it couldn’t even pull that off.
Eagle Eye- Jerry and Rachel are two strangers thrown together by a mysterious phone call from a woman they have never met. Threatening their lives and family, she pushes Jerry and Rachel into a series of increasingly dangerous situations, using the technology of everyday life to track and control their every move.- Well, now, I was interested, but not really expecting to enjoy this as much as I did. Very nice ‘ghost in the machine’ coupled with ‘Big Brother is watching you’ film. All the bits that make conspiracy theorists and cyber paranoid ppl seem almost vaguely sane. If you want a good old school suspense thriller then absolutely go for this one.
Source Code- When decorated soldier Captain Colter Stevens (Jake Gyllenhaal) wakes up in the body of an unknown man, he discovers he’s part of a mission to find the bomber of a Chicago commuter train. In an assignment unlike any he’s ever known, he learns he’s part of a government experiment called the “Source Code,” a program that enables him to cross over into another man's identity in the last 8 minutes of his life. With a second, much larger target threatening to kill millions in downtown Chicago, Colter re-lives the incident over and over again, gathering clues each time, until he can solve the mystery of who is behind the bombs and prevent the next attack.- Oh, it started out so well, and okay, it was fine. Nice premise and Jake Gyllenhaal, which is always a plus in my book, and it went in a nice direction, BUT I have a rather large problem with one of the plot points, a major plot point, and it’s hard for me to get over such glaring oversights. All in all, it was a fun ride, and if you aren’t disturbed by plot holes or unresolved major plot points then definitely worth watching.
Witchville- In the Middle Ages, Erik and Jason seek out his compatriot Malachy and force him to return to his homeland. When they arrive, they find that Malachy's father, the King, is dead and their lands are completely devastated. Soon, witch hunter Kramer meets Malachy and tells him that a coven of witches led by the evil Red Queen is responsible for the destruction of the crops. Malachi teams-up with Erik, Jake, Kramer and four warrior-thieves to find the Red Queen. But the witch is very powerful and the skilled warrior Jozefa protects her. (for the record, I don’t like parts of this summary, but it’s the best one around)- why did I waste my time on this again? Oh, yeah, boredom, plus self-imposed exile, plus well, bugger I dl’d it, I might as well watch it. I think this was one of those SyFy (is that how they’re spelling it these days) blips of horror (not the genre). It was about what you’d expect from an old school cheap USA Original Movie, one of the ones they made for filler, not because they thought it would actually be any good at all, ever, in any way. Not terribly interesting, bordering on offensive for any of those hardcore “witches” out there, horribly choreographed fight scenes, almost as bad costuming, need I go on- and guys, I don’t care how low-budget you are, when your hero is supposed to be the sword half of sword and sorcery you do not let the camera slip to the perfect and completely unmarred hard sole of his boots- seriously, not even a scratch like he’d had them on for more than 5 minutes, let alone been supposed to have just gone several rounds with things that wanted to kill him.
The Reaping- A former Christian missionary, who specializes in debunking religious phenomena, investigates a small town which seems to be suffering from the 10 biblical plagues. (minor note, I believe she was actually an Ordained Minister, not only a missionary)- This one was good. I’m even planning on trying to get Pup to watch it, and she loves Hilary Swank, so I might actually have a shot, lol. Anyway, good plot, fun ride, just generally all over well done. Definitely the kind of thing I was looking for when I started this little sojourn.
The Hills Run Red- The story centers on a film fanatic whose obsession with finding a complete print of an infamous slasher movie leads him and two friends into the backwoods where the film was shot. They realize too late that filming never ended -- and now they must survive a nightmarish onslaught or become part of the movie forever.- Well, then… it sounds pretty cheesy and a bit on the ‘been done’ side kids/teens/college students go in search of mythical item/beastie/place and wind up getting caught up in/by said item/beastie/place, but it was fun, and they didn’t really overdo the gore. And thank the gods they didn’t do it in that, damn what do they call it,
How to Be a Serial Killer- the story of Mike Wilson, a charismatic, educated, and articulate young man who has found his life's purpose in exterminating people. Mike is determined to spread his message about the joy of serial killing and recruits a lost soul named Bart to be his pupil. Mike leads Bart through the ethics of serial killing as well as teaching him various lessons in disposing corpses, balancing work and play, methods of killing, and many many more.- Matthew Gray Gubbler as an apprentice serial killer- that sentence alone should be enough to get you to watch it! ♥ But if you need more, yes, it is fun, actually I love how they did it, parts of it are done as if it were a motivational seminar and they’re just beautiful. Really a LOT of fun just made that much better by MGG. :D
Psychic Experiment- An idyllic, small, self-sufficient community. On the surface, it seems like the perfect neighborhood. Everything you could possibly need is within walking distance. But the pastoral exterior conceals a dark past and an even darker secret. As a group of individuals (each with their own ties and agendas with the town and each other) converge on the enclave, strange things begin to happen. Very strange things. Strange enough to test (and then break) the very fabric of reality itself.- blah, just blah, I’m not even sure it would make good background noise since I kept falling asleep and having to rewind it… and some aspects of it were kinda triggery, not for me, but they screamed out at me that they could very easily be for other ppl.
(on a side note movieweb.com lists Stonehenge Apocalypse under the horror section… bawahahahahahahaha)
I was talking to MM about horror movies and somehow wound up asking her about Phantasm and Puppet Master… I got frighteningly blank stares at both and slanty, cock-eyed looks upon trying to explain the Phantasm orbs. This set me about trying to get ahold of said films. I did (and since when are there 11 Puppet Master movies, and how come I hadn’t seen the last 4, though really 8? Should that even be counted as a movie… it was more like a really long set of visual cliff notes that tried to line up all the storylines from all the films, even though there are at least 3 separate timelines/verses/versions that are contradictory to each other… but I digress) and have spent the last few days gorging myself on them. Phantasm 2 and 3 and Puppet Master 3 are still my favourites… they make me happy; I’m gonna try to get MM to watch them with me one day.
I’ve also decided I want a Phantasm orb. :P~
