(no subject)

[heavenlyxbodies]

Well, then... My shrink appt was absolutely horrific on sooooooo many levels it's not even funny. He got a translator for us. A nice idea... if the translator had been any good. Okay that's unfair, he was a very good conversational translator. I could see him working just fine for normal hospitally stuff, but for a psych appt, not so much. My shrink and I understood each other quicker sometimes than the translator, and both of us had to correct him in his translating more than once, and (and this is what i mean about him being a perfectly good conversational/general translator) the doc had to stop him and tell him to translate exactly what I said word for word, not what I was implying or what the translator thought or interpreted as what I said. But that was normal bad, not even bad pr se just annoying. What was bad was it seemed like he hadn't gotten the letter I left him the week before, or more specifically he hadn't read- I don't know for sure if he got it or not. So yeah, when I realized that things really started to go downhill. I told him what happened and how I was feeling and just EVERYTHING... he acted like he'd never heard it before. 's why I think he didn't get/read the letter. Not only that, I'm sitting there in hysterics, literally, not figuratively, and he says there's nothing he can do for me. I think I kinda went numb after that. I mean, I know he's a shrink, a proper shrink who specifically does medicine, but since when do they not have at least basic t-doc skills? I mean in theory you can have a p-doc (which he is) and not have a t-doc because the p-doc does the t-doc-ing, that's normal, I mean they're qualified to do that, so the very idea that he just says he can't help, not even a small hint of giving a shit, pretty much made me crash. I don't and didn't expect him to start doing major therapy, but gods, some basic coping skills would be good! And he didn't want to change my meds, even temporarily to help get me through this. *sigh* And when he asked when I wanted to see him again, I really wasn't in the mood for one of his 'it's up to you' things... I mean I would have expected him to want to see me in no longer than a month considering the state I was in and had been in, but I also knew they don't like seeing patients that often ayt this hospital, so I said sometime in early January, at which point he starts in on the eval the were supposed to be starting "soon" and how he didn\t want to see me until after he got the report on the eval so February would be better (they like to see patients once every three months, so I wasn't surprised, I had said January 'cause I didn't think waiting 3 months or more was a good idea (and I wanted to see if he'd stick to the company line of 3 months or actually give a shit how I was doing). *sigh* Funny thing was when I got home there was a letter from the place my eval had been referred to and it was gonna start on the 20th (yesterday).

And that's a good segue into the eval stuff yesterday. Well, I spent over 7hrs having my head well and goodly shrunk! The good news is I made it through ALL of the tests. They just wanna talk to a couple ppl in my life before making a decision. Though it was funny on one of the forms about halfway through the day, after a bunch of the memory and puzzle stuff, she was having to translate the questions for me to answer and there were an abnormal amt of 'yes'es and every time I added a yes, she'd go "autism", lol. There were some funny things, like the word lists you're supposed to remember she said i was one of the only ppl she'd ever had who got all the words on the second go through... and then a couple hours later when she asked me to recite them again I got all of them. She was impressed, lol. Anyway, they actually gave me another appt on Dec 6th wherein they are supposed to have the results. I can't wait to see Pup's reaction, she has major issues with if I get the dx- she doesn't like the idea that I have a reason for being the way I am, she wants it to be something I'm doing. *sigh* Which to some point I understand, it's easier if something can be changed, rather than having to alter your world to accommodate their's, esp if it's something like Aspergher or Autism Spectrum.
Yeah, and I got a hiding for not being home to cook dinner yesterday. Then I got a hiding for not telling/calling/texting anyone about it. The I got more flack because I had told HRH and MM that I didn't know if I'd be home so one of them might need to cook dinner. Then I got more for not telling Pup the I had told HRH and MM that. Then it turned out that HRH was gone and MM apparently only fixed food for herself. *head desk* And I don't get so much as a 'damn that must've been exhausting' or anything sympathetic, I mean really 7 hrs of tests and questionnaires and just everything.

And now it's my fault MB has stopped eating... maybe. And my fault that there is so much tension in the house. I found this out because Sunday night Pup said HRH wanted to know if, if Fanboy tried to talk to me I would. I told her 'no' and dropped it. But today I told her that I meant it, but that maybe once I could be in the same room with him I would. That's when I got blamed for all the tension and everything. Sometimes I reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly wonder if she gets that, yes, I am mad, but that's not what's stopping me and keeping me away, it's the fear. The anger will calm down, it won't go away, this was too big, but you know... But what's keeping me away is the fear. And really, I'm the one who has taken myself out of the equation, how come I am still the one causing tension? Ppl suck.

And my Arthur... my poor Arthur, as if either of us needed even a little more on our plates, it seems she may have some form of AVM, which mean CT scans and MRIs and praying to every god I know including some I don't really believe in that it's treatable. I don't know what I'd do without Arthur. She's my best-friend, she gets me, there's more than one reason she's the Arthur to my Merlin, not just the saving each other and stuff, but we really are (in the platonic sense) "two sides of the same coin". *snuggles up to Arthur to watch questionable telly*

I've taken a small break from my horror movie fest to make room for a new found guilty pleasure... 2 full seasons in less than a week, obsessive much? Lol. And since I'm almost caught up with that I bit the bullett and started watching the rest of S7 of SPN... it's pretty bad. I mean, it's like... you know those baaaaaaad filler eps that would sometimes sneak in during Kripke's reign? It's like episode upon episode of that. It's tripe, and ooc. OOC! How the hells do you go OOC in canon!?!?!?!?! *head desk* I so hope Carver is salvaging my show. Gods know I have more faith in him that Gamble (and that was true before she utterly destroyed it her reign). *grumblemrphlegrumble*

And for a bit of good silliness, Steve McGarrett and Castiel are currently in a no holds barred cage fight for my soul!
The betting windows are still open, place your bets while you can. :P