(no subject)
May. 10th, 2012 01:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
heavenlyxbodiesWhat the ever flying FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I'm not doing good, yeah, and haven't been for a while now. And I FINALLY get the nerve up, or maybe just realized how bad I was doing, to call my p-doc. Not easy when you've got my DXs. And I get told that my doc doesn't work there anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, AND apparently I'm on a waiting list for a new doc. Thing is my doc was NEW he'd just started. You guys know what hells I went through with the doc change this winter, how fucking terrified I was. And how much I really liked this guy. He didn't treat me like an idiot AND he actually understood my PTSD, how it was a build up and not just a single pinpointable thing. He was even talking about getting me into proper therapy for it. Now, they're telling me he's gone... I torn between crying like a baby and angry and terrified. Yeah, and I was supposed to have an appointment in, like, July, so the guy I was talking to wasn't exactly in a hurry to find me someone. I'm already totally on edge, trying not to just scream and cry constantly... and now this. Lst time they put me on a waiting list, well, it's been almost three years and I'm still on that waiting list, admittedly that list is to get eval'ed for Aspergher and ADHD so it's not considered 'sensitive'. Doesn't help that my Swedish isn't that good, well, the speaking it part, I can understand most of it, every now and then I get stuck, you know words I haven't heard before or often- I got totally stuck on 'anaesthesia' at the hygienist yesterday, but really how often do you hear that in everyday conversation. Yeah, and that whole language thing has been another problem, it's hard to talk psych stuff even if I was fluent, and because of where I live there aren't very many translators that speak English, and there's another waiting list for them.
Seriously though, what's the world got against me right now. I'm not doing good, my only friends are doing even worse, and now my doc's disappeared!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Oh, and the guy told me he'd forward a msg to 'the team'. There is NO team! That's why I could only see the one doc. There's only one doc on staff that treats BP. And this guy, he tries to tell me Dr. Eriksson is on file as my doc- Dr. Eriksson transferred to the emergency psychward that was the entire reason I had to go through the hell of getting a new doc! I'm so confused. I really don't want some filler doc, esp if they're not used to treating my DXs...
I think I will go look for chocolate and my aardvark, maybe Jack, and my blanky... what, so I'm thirtysomething and still have teddies and my old baby blanket, I'm also nuts and not doing okay, you really expect normal from me?
.
So, I'm not doing good, yeah, and haven't been for a while now. And I FINALLY get the nerve up, or maybe just realized how bad I was doing, to call my p-doc. Not easy when you've got my DXs. And I get told that my doc doesn't work there anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, AND apparently I'm on a waiting list for a new doc. Thing is my doc was NEW he'd just started. You guys know what hells I went through with the doc change this winter, how fucking terrified I was. And how much I really liked this guy. He didn't treat me like an idiot AND he actually understood my PTSD, how it was a build up and not just a single pinpointable thing. He was even talking about getting me into proper therapy for it. Now, they're telling me he's gone... I torn between crying like a baby and angry and terrified. Yeah, and I was supposed to have an appointment in, like, July, so the guy I was talking to wasn't exactly in a hurry to find me someone. I'm already totally on edge, trying not to just scream and cry constantly... and now this. Lst time they put me on a waiting list, well, it's been almost three years and I'm still on that waiting list, admittedly that list is to get eval'ed for Aspergher and ADHD so it's not considered 'sensitive'. Doesn't help that my Swedish isn't that good, well, the speaking it part, I can understand most of it, every now and then I get stuck, you know words I haven't heard before or often- I got totally stuck on 'anaesthesia' at the hygienist yesterday, but really how often do you hear that in everyday conversation. Yeah, and that whole language thing has been another problem, it's hard to talk psych stuff even if I was fluent, and because of where I live there aren't very many translators that speak English, and there's another waiting list for them.
Seriously though, what's the world got against me right now. I'm not doing good, my only friends are doing even worse, and now my doc's disappeared!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Oh, and the guy told me he'd forward a msg to 'the team'. There is NO team! That's why I could only see the one doc. There's only one doc on staff that treats BP. And this guy, he tries to tell me Dr. Eriksson is on file as my doc- Dr. Eriksson transferred to the emergency psychward that was the entire reason I had to go through the hell of getting a new doc! I'm so confused. I really don't want some filler doc, esp if they're not used to treating my DXs...
I think I will go look for chocolate and my aardvark, maybe Jack, and my blanky... what, so I'm thirtysomething and still have teddies and my old baby blanket, I'm also nuts and not doing okay, you really expect normal from me?
.
