heavenlyxbodies: (Merlin donkey!Arthur invalid)
Well,I was planning on doing a nice dumping post in the next few days, but this little tidbit could not be contained...

IT'S FUCKING OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*dances madly*

That was one of the most horrible and excruciating things I have ever suffered through. I mean, seriously awful. We're talking driving you out of fandom awful. I have a WIP I plan to finish, a colab with Arthur for a comm, and I plan to finish out the Silence!verse, but that's it, no more. At least, that's the plan.
Now, don't get me wrong my Merlin muses haven't been truly inspired lately, so I was thinking of putting it on the back burner as it were. But this horrible experience just killed what I had left. If that is the state of the fandom these days then I don't want to be part of it. Note, I am talking about the ppl, not the fic. I mean, 99% of it wasn't anything I would normally read, but you write or do art and have the guts to put it out there I'm not gonna call you to the carpet unless you specifically ask my opinion (though honestly overall if that was an accurate set of exemplars for the fandom then I grieve for it), but no, it was the ppl, the experience. Yeah, the challenges were crap and mundane and nothing really inspiring, but... the ppl... UGH! Rude, clique-ish, and unwelcoming. And sometimes just plain spiteful. I don't wanna be active in a fandom like that. I prefer my fandoms to be supportive and friendly.

And I'm sorry to any of you (ie Cheeky) who might be reading this who actually tried- thank you.

And Mr. [personal profile] neuroticnick, not like I expect you to see this, but I have held my tongue for 2 weeks and now it must be said, you are a total douche! Seriously, fine if a fic doesn't float your boat, tickle your fancy, or in any other way 'do it' for you, but you don't, you just don't go out of your way to diss it in the fucking results post!!!!! That's just wrong... and cruel. And in response from #6, I'm sorry if writing fic that was more complicated than a "Dick and Jane" book is above your comprehension levels. I would suggest enrolling in some adult education classes, perhaps.

Okay, I feel better now. Now off to find some nice violence and homicide!
heavenlyxbodies: (Default)
Alrighty, I think I promised you lot a more positive post over last weekend and ya didn’t get it (not that any of you are actually chomping at the bit for my odd posts anyway, lol), so here’s a bit of everything. :)

Arthur and I joined the [community profile] summerpornathon and I am failing in a spectacular fashion, lol. Yeah, yeah, I know, I have no self-esteem and am being too hard on myself, yadayadayada. Don’t worry Arthur is giving me the requisite talks and prods. And I haven’t runoff, so that’s something. (carefully omits this it’s only the second week into the challenge and plenty of time left for Mys to freak out and run) Of course, we kinda feel like odd men, erm, women out, so there’s a bit of solidarity involved, too.

The lovely tooth they started the root canal on got infected, got an emergency appt and antibiotics, but my new doc was going on vacation and couldn’t see me until late August, and because of stupid, stupid rules none of the other docs could see me as anything but a same day emergency appt. *head desk* But like I said I got antibiotics and thankfully my doc got a cancellation and the doc that saw me threw such a stink that she pretty much HAD to call and offer it to me. Now, if I could just stop having a reaction to the antibiotics, lol. In related dental news, I was eating an Oreo and the tooth directly above the infected one broke off, right at the gum line and just shy of straight through the middle. I’m hoping she’ll fix both of them Wednesday… otherwise I may have to hurt someone.

Apparently my brain has decided it wants to revert to the mid 90’s. I dl’d yet another of the series I used to watch, though this one much less, but that was a timing thing. I also named HRH’s guppies… yes, yes, I did. And I am leaving it at that.

Writing! There is writing being done. :D I figured out how to get around the damn tentacles on my bingo card! It’s h/c so it doesn’t have to be sexual, doesn’t even have to be shippy, but come on… anyway, tentacles, non-sexual tentacles… CTHULHU!!!!!!!! And I already have Wings Over Innsmouth out there, I could do a sequel to that, I even have a cheese worthy title- Shadows Over Sioux Falls. *makes happy Drusilla-esque noises*
And the big One, it’s definitely on. Got a couple thou already written and I haven’t even gotten past the first part. I’m seriously thinking about looking to see if there’s a Big Bang out there for this, I mean I seldom have ideas that I know are gonna be big ones, so I might oughta try to take advantage. Actually, I think I will do that… if you’ll excuse me. *scurries off*

*runs back in* I’ll try to update more, might actually manage it with the pornathon going. :D
Laters *goes in search of big bang comms*
heavenlyxbodies: (Default)
Pup and I went to the couples counseling the other day… it went okay, mostly background stuff, so hard to tell how it’s gonna go, but it had all good signs, so we’ll see.
I also got the results from the psych eval… and yes, I have yet another dx I am now known as Princess BiPolar, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Banana Fanna Asperger the Third, but you can call me Dot. (I know bad joke, but it’s always what I think of when I start rattling off my dx’s, and even there I couldn’t fit in the social and agoraphobia, lol). So yeah, lots of fun there.

I also did something I just don’t do, no matter how badly the muses and life are behaving- I dropped out of not just one, but both of my Christmas exchanges, incl [profile] deancas_xmas, which I’ve completed every year it’s been around, even the two years they gave me squick city prompts/likes/dislikes. Seriously have you ppl seen how many times I use the words “happy endings” and “I don’t write fallen/human!Cas”… I repeat the later a minimum of 5 times in my ‘dislikes’ and ‘what I won’t write’ sections, each, you would think they’d take the hint, lol. Anyway, I’m trying (and failing) not to get uber depressed about that. Doesn’t help that I’ve barely written more than a sentence or two in something like five or six months. :/
It also doesn’t help that I started to get a bunch of favourites on some of my old Dean/Cas fic (usually happens when the season starts and during hellatus) and I wound up going back over some of them and came to the very depressing conclusion that they sucked; which is extra depressing ‘cause I really enjoy(ed) writing Dean/Cas and those fics… right now I have the urge to delete them all from existence.
*sighs* Sometimes, esp lately, I think maybe I should just give up fandom altogether; I mean, seriously thinking about it, not just those bouts of self-doubt that I think all writers (and everyone else) go through from time to time (we just seem to do it more often, lol).
On the upside someone fav’d a story of mine on WWOMB that I couldn’t remember, so I went to look and I actually liked it. On the downside, it was a fic written for a friend, who isn’t a friend anymore, almost an enemy you could say, I usually settle for backstabbing bitch, though, in a matter of a couple hours, in a fandom I don’t write in, for a pairing that I have major misgivings about. *sighs* And the damn thing was actually pretty good. :/
I still feel like deleting everything or at least denying the existence of it all, remove any trace of my existence, change my penname to anon or something and erase all my details and put my fic comm on lockdown.

All the movie reminiscing lead to my deciding to follow a whim and see if I could actually find all 4 seasons of PtL. I’ve tried on occasion with little to no luck… but this time… this time I found all 4. :D By the time I actually post this they will be in my grubby little hands and the Clan may not see me for many, many days… or at least they wouldn’t if I had my way, lol.
NB- Since I started rewatching Legacy, I am having the subtle strings of an urge to find SPN/PtL crossovers, even though I sincerely doubt that any exist… and before you start suggesting it, no, I do not feel the urge/motivation/inspiration or otherwise to rectify this grievous oversight. Btb, if anyone knows of any said crossovers, even gen… maybe even het if it’s Derek/Rachel, I can stomach Derek/Rachel… let me know, PPPPPPLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSS.

Right now, I’m supposed to be fixing this blasted dress for HRH. I don’t mind really. I just hate it when she asks me to take something up and it winds up with me doing things like add sleeves. I hate sleeves. Sleeves are the spawn of the devil. Esp putting sleeves on a dress not meant to have sleeves without the arm of the person said sleeve is supposed to go on, after having had to do rather large adjustments of both the breastline and the shoulders. *sighs* But I’ll get it done. I found an old pattern with a basic sleeve that I’m altering to hopefully fit the bill. Yay-rah.
Oh, and Fanboy thinks I’m talking to him again. I fed him the other day and now he thinks we’re back on speaking terms ‘cause I said like three words to him ("take," "here," and "yes" I believe). Thing is about a week ago I thought I might actually be there, but then I started having nightmares again. So far no nightmares, and I’ve stopped tensing so hard I hurt every time he comes in the room. To his credit he’s not pushing, just being rather obvious with the talking. We’ll see.

You guys know how I admit to liking weird music, and not necessarily weird in its nature, but weird in the hide-it-under-the-bed-in-an-old-shoebox-so-nobody-knows-you-actually-like-that way. I try very hard to let my guard slip here, since I can’t hear the ridicule or see the horrified condescending looks (did I mention they said I had marked levels of paranoia during the eval?). Anyway, every now and then I actually get in a Christmasy mood, music-wise, and I’ve been slowly, moreso the last couple years, but still pretty slowly working on gathering a collection of Christmas music- and really trying to locate songs that you never knew who they were by or rarely heard when they weren’t being sung by your family is a pain in the ass. But anyway, some of the stuff is just, you know, standard generic holiday, snow frolicking, well-wishing, blah, blah, blah stuff and some of it’s more uh, religious, for lack of a better word; not because I’m religious in that sense, hello, pagan, but it’s just the stuff you grew up with and just because something is ‘religious’ in nature doesn’t mean it’s not pretty or enjoyable. Well, like I said I’ve been working on getting a collection together and have finally managed a small selection of stuff I grew up with, and a lot of it I’ve even managed to identify the artist involved- I am unabashedly proud of this accomplishment, lol. And well, the other day I was cooking, baking actually, and was playing my music… it took all of about five minutes before Pup was ragging on me about it being all “hallelujah this and hallelujah that”- not my fault she doesn’t like Handel. Yeah, well, she’s not letting me live it down either… ‘s hard enough to get me to admit what stuff I like, esp when it’s something I feel self-conscious about, I really don’t need her of all ppl making me feel like shit for it. *sighs*
heavenlyxbodies: (Default)
So, I've been on a movie watching kick the last few days (figured I needed a break from all the angsty/heavy drama stuff I've been watching) and since I've been pretty much ignoring everyone (nothing personal just were the brain is), I thought maybe I'd share y unsolicited and most like unpopular opinions. :P

I was looking for suspense/horror...
this is what I got... (pls forgive my short not-so-good summaries, I have a hard enough time writing my fic summaries, so...)

Oh, the horror!!! (or not) )

The dental nightmare is being nightmarish. The stitches came out last Thursday and promptly on Friday I started having horrible, horrible pain in one of the teeth next to the pins. It felt like someone had gripped the tooth in a pair of pliers and was twisting it... I'm having to take as much or more painkillers than after the surgery to make it stop hurting. And yes, I went back for an emergency appt on Monday and they don't know what's wrong. There may be the beginnings of an infection, but it wasn't big enough on the x-ray to be sure, the tooth that's hurting had a cap put on it a couple months ago and it was/is a lot bigger than the original tooth ever was and they said I was biting on it too hard... it's actively loose. :( Anyway, they filed it down so hopefully I won't bite so hard and want me to follow up with my regular dentist, unfortunately his next available appt isn't until early November, but they did tell me not to hesitate to call if the pain keeps up. Yay-rah! :/

HRH and I are going at it most of the time these days. She's constantly whining about not getting to watch telly every single time she wants, and complaining about me watching my baseball and forensic shows. *sighs* I really do not understand. Pup got ESPN America for the sole purpose of allowing me to watch my baseball- I say she got it because I hadn't so much as asked for it, but she'd seen how much I was watching it when we first moved in and they hadn't set up all the cable blocks for the channels we weren't supposed to get- yet I'm not allowed to actually watch it. And all of them are all like "didn't you watch this game yesterday/the other day" and don't seem to understand the concept of 'series'. *head desk* Anyway, now that it's the post-season I'm being much bitchier about it, which is not going over well at all. So many fights... Top it off with HRH's continued refusal to help out around the house- and she's constantly blaming it on things like not having this or that fancy cleaner or not being able to watch telly or, and this is my favourite, not being up to it because she's been out with her friends all day/night... this does not make me empathize with her. *sighs*

I'm still getting better at this attacking business in Utopia. :D I actually came out really well from our last war. Hehe. And sensei introduced me to plunder attacks >:) it's like thief ops with your army, lol. I like stealing other ppls things. Yes, I am evil, but it's soooooooo much fun.

I haven't written anything in ages. I was just taking a break... and now I have all these half formed ideas niggling at me and the [community profile] merlin_holidays exchange to do, but nothing wants to actually start. :/ But once I get the teeth pain under control I plan to try to actually focus on that.

Oh, yes... I got a call today from the ppl doing my Aspie eval, and they asked if they could bump me over to Stockholm, since it will be a lot quicker, like before the end of the year type quicker. :D Still haven't heard about the therapist, and still not doing good on the whole... too close to the edge among other things. About lost it when some pushy bint started tapping my arm- not my shoulder, my arm... there... at least I didn't round on her, but still spent most of the day uber on edge. *sigh* I really am not doing good, well, not as good as I was, still, hella better than it used to be.

In a random sports note- the Cards made the post-season!!! Of course, so did the Nats, the O's, and the Braves, if only in a fight for the wildcard spot. I'm routing for the Cards as you might expect... it kinda sucks that the three teams I like in the NL are all up against each other in the first wave of post-season games, lol. Although, at least I'll know early on who I've got to choose between. :)

ETA- Well, that was fun. I stuck to my guns and told HRH I wasn't feeding her since she wasn't helping out- it's been over two weeks since I made the declaration. This led to a huge blow up with much yelling and calling me names and did I mention the yelling? Screeching would be more accurate. Anyway... she finally did some of her dishes- slamming and clashing and leaving stuff in the sink rather than putting it up; I'm surprised she managed to do it without breaking anything. Pup even went off about the mess in the living room and how she just spreads her shit all over the place... *sighs* I hold no illusions that this will be the end of things, more likely the beginning, but at least she knows I mean what I say now.

And now that I am nicely stressed out by that screaming fit HRH just had, I think I am going to curl up with my sore tooth and my warm cuddly cardigan and watch some bad movies until the Cards-Nats game comes on.
heavenlyxbodies: (JM Burundi)
Good news-

It looks like they finally fixed my SSD! Yay, I'm crazy again!!!! Seriously, all it took was sending the paperwork in three times to two different offices, getting ignored by my caseworker and have her refuse to arrange to talk to me (or to my mom who has my POA for just such occasions *head desk*) and tell me I need to talk to another office, but not give me the contact info, and a nasty note sent in with the last set of paperwork saying just that... but I still haven't received any notification, just a magically appearing deposit in my bank account from Soc Sec. *sighs* One day I will figure it out, but not today; today I am just accepting something good happening and not looking at it too closely.
On a related note, Mys went shopping! And yes, this is Mys' idea of a shopping spree. I bought a new backpack, I've had my other one for 8 or 9 years and it was secondhand when I got it, lol. I bought new shoelaces from the place that has the shoelaces that I don't kill within a month, and insoles for my boots. A new writing pad, the other one only had about 5 blank pages left and considering it's gotten me through 3 big bang fics over the course of two years and a handful of other smaller fics I needed to take notes on, I didn't feel too guilty about it. I also bought a pen! I finally found a fine point blue Pilot, not the kind I wanted, but considering how hard it is to find a fine point pen of any kind around here, I'll take it, lol. Oh, and socks! I was down to my last two pair from the ones I got winter before last. We're planning to go up to Stockholm this week and I thoroughly plan to buy books at the Sci-Fi Bookstore, now whether or not I actually find anything I haven't read or have is another matter entirely, lol. And there is an outside chance I may see about getting new boots, the ones I have I got two years ago and after two Swedish winters they're showing their age, and some new jeans, I'm down to one pair and they're, uhh, whatdya call the ones that only come to your calf? Whatever, it's a pair of those that I've had to patch up twice already, of course, I've had them since before I moved here, so they're doing pretty good for being about 6 or 7 years old, lol. See, I'm really good at this spending spree thing, *tongue firmly planted in cheek* lol. It's the one cliché thing about BP I don't really suffer from; don't get me wrong, I can go on a binge just like anyone else, but that's the thing it's like anyone else, not like someone in the throes of a mania, or maybe it is... it's the one of the only times I'll actually say I want something, of course, most ppl just take that as me getting past my other dx's... so few docs understand the difference, but that's another tale.

I've gotten previews of some of the art for Battle Hymns!!!! It's brilliant! *hugs art* And she's trying to do something from the scene(s) Mia and I asked for (nearly impossible in my opinion, so I'm just soaring on the fact that she's trying to do it :D ).

Not so good news-

My blood sugar is all over the place, so the doc is running all sorts of tests, which is good I guess, at least this guy's taking me seriously. I'll know more Monday. *crosses fingers*

I hate my shrink. I've calmed down about the therapy thing, Pup keeps telling me I over-reacted and that he really does want to get me a therapist- nothing I heard said that, but I was already freaking out so I'm trying to at least tell myself I believe her. *sigh* I'm managing to get a 'list' thing together for him- slowly- I just don't see how to make these things "measurable", but I'm trying.

Oh, and I finally started watching S7... only four eps in... and not exactly a happy camper, but I have yet to attack the tv, so it's a start- I'm making Fanboy sit through it with me, which helps, gives me someone to rant at, lol.

Bad news-

I'm 99% sure I'm dropping out of the JLBB, well, the blog!fic one... it's just killing me. Every time I think I'm getting somewhere I go over it and realize it's either utter garbage or taking the story in a direction I don't want to go... I swear I've deleted enough for at least three 10k+ fics. And now I'm trying something a bit different that involves writing blog entries for John, so I went and read over all the entries on the BBC page... my gods, they are AWFUL! I mean seriously, if I was reading that, guh... if it were a fic I would actually stop reading and put the author on my mental 'Do Not Read' list. And do you have any idea how hard it is to mimic that kind of awful writing?!?!?!?! *rocks head in hands* Kill me now, pls...

I have two other birthday fics I'm supposed to be writing and that one *points angrily upwards* is totally fic-blocking me. Grrrr.
Brianna, one of those is yours, and I will get it done if I have to stab the blog!fic through the heart with a nice sharp stake to keep it pinned down and out of my way!

Back to the shrink. He was getting on me about not getting out and walking and stuff like that. Which, I know, walking and exercise are supposed to help with endorphins or whatever it's supposed to release, so to humour him and Pup I've been walking to the store and taking the bus home (I always walk to and from the close store, this is the big one), and walking downtown and back (when I'm coming back and not going to the store)... it's only making me feel worse. I told Pup I was being good and walking places, she was all upset because I wasn't telling her how much better I felt... I told her the truth- I feel worse; drained and stressed out and not so much tired as just uber lethargic with no energy or interest in doing anything. She just glared at me and went back to her writing. *sigh* It's not my fault the 'magic' cure (or aid rather) isn't working and it's not my fault that it's just exacerbating the down I'm already on... Now, I just wonder if the doc'll believe me. :/

heavenlyxbodies: (r/l)
UGH! 'm trying to work on a Merlin fic and my Arthur muse keeps starting to sound like Benedict Cumberbatch reading those damned Ngaio Marsh books *head desk*
The man is like a bloody worm in my brain! And this is why I avoid hearing Colin talk as much as possible, I start hearing him in my head instead of Merlin, but at least that I understand!

*wanders off to beat head against wall*

heavenlyxbodies: (Bradley wibble)
*glomps all over Mia and Arthur* I wrote 1000 words of the damn reverseBB! See, I took your advice and pushing. ♥ (now to just do that another 4 times over, lol)

So, I got six stitches above my tooth, and it bleeds a lot, and hurts like all hells, but it's done and hopefully this'll stop the random infection things I get when I get sick, too. :) And no I didn't put on Reichenbach... I put on TGG, lol. Almost fell asleep twice 'cause I was just you know going that far away. And it should probably bother someone out there that I find multiple murders terribly calming when being drilled on... there's got to be some law against that. What was best was me trying to get to the pharmacy... I kept running into walls, I was tilting to the right, hehe. Fanboy says when I got home I was "tripping over things before I got to them," lol.

I banished everyone from the telly when my games are on today (and hopefully tomorrow), unfortunately what I thought would happen in the afternoon match happened. :( Trump beat O'Sulivan, rather soundly... I would've felt better if Ronnie had been playing his A game or even his B game, this was like B- game. Anyway, the Selby/Murphy game starts in a few minutes and that should be interesting... What 'm really worried about game-wise is that whoever wins the Robertson/Williams game tomorrow will be going up against Trump and they both can have bad days... so it could be messy. Yes, I know you all were dying to hear me babble about snooker didn't you. Hey, at least 'm not on about Sherlock or Merlin or Pup being all SHE, lesser of evils I think. :P

ETA 2: FUCK OFF I have a right to watch telly, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I spend EVERY day watchcing your banal shite, but when one of my tourneys is on I'm being unreasonable and mean... wtf, and I even tried to explain it and according to HER 'm being illogical.
Oh, and it doesn't help that while 'm sitting here crying, all I can see is "the Fall" replaying behind my eyes.

ETA: I must still be a bit wonky... read the schedule wrong it's Dott/Higgins tonight, lol.

heavenlyxbodies: (B/C think tank)
So I have this "minor" dental surgery thing tomorrow- they're removing a pocket of infection or something and then chopping off part of the root so they can block it off or somesuch- and I usually take Col with me for distraction purposes... so I come up with the ingenious idea that I just HAVE to put Reichenbach on him... someone explain the logic of that to me, pls?
Anyway, so yeah evil dentist tomorrow. :( I could use some hand-holding, lol. Not that Mys has a fear of dentists or anything (yes, there's a story there, no I won't bother you with it- see I can be totally awesome sometimes :P~), lol. Truth be told this guy's pretty good, he does those important things like tell me what he's doing/going to do before he does it and stops when I ask him to, both of these carry ridiculously high marks. *nods*

I finished sorting out the hodge-podge of notes I had for the blog!fic (and really I need a better name to refer to it as), seven pages in my minuscule henscratch of character psychology and vague plot points/history, that doesn't include the thousand or so words/dialogue I had scratched out. Still, now I just have to convince myself to actually put it together with words and all, well, that and come up with short/basic history for some minor yet pivotal characters... why do I do this to myself? I can't start slow with a couple codas or something nice and simple and schmangsty like I normally would and, no, you don't get to throw Merlin in my face, no, I have ideas. *head desk* And no I don't know if 'm head desking because of the ideas or because I have succumb to the call.

And because I need to say it before I scream, I rrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy HATE my reverseBB... I've tried taking Arthur's advice and saying bugger it and write what I want to write, but I go to type and start second and third and fourth and fifth and you get the idea guessing myself. *sighs* It's not even like I can get Arthur or anybody to look over it, it's all still in my head. Thing is I know exactly where I want it to go and exactly what happened and most of the more general inbetween stuff, I don't think it'll be my best work because it's rather outside my comfort zone, but I think it could be good, maybe even really good, but that all hinges on convincing the words that neither my artist, nor the rest of the world are going to flame me to a fried and darkened pile of ash for it.

And then there's Silence... no real progress on that front, but 've been a bit pre-occupied. 'm still thinking about doing it in small fics instead of one large one, sometimes I just think too much time passes and there's no good, non-mind-numbing way to get that across. *sighs*

I folded and wrote down that scene (or two) that wouldn't get outta my head night before last... it actually made me feel better, lol. I think, until something better comes along, *hint hint* it's going to be my personal fanon (even in all its slashy goodness, lol- but in fairness it wasn't a big kiss just a powerful one, yeah carefully omits the one after that).

Can we tell Mys is avoiding thinking about her dentist appt? But seriously, I'm going to have the scary, scary, scary tooth hacker cut into me and play with my roots and nerve endings and the first thing I think is 'oooh, let's make sure we have Reichenbach to watch/listen to' *head desk* I couldn't be satisfied with TGG on there... or my DCFC which always works miracles on zoning off when they're drilling or the goth/industrial I recently flooded the thing with which would drown out anything they were doing if it was loud enough.

Oh! The Masters started, so far my boys are doing good, just first round and, well, most of them are my boys, but four of my top five are still in and tomorrow I get both O'Sullivan and Roberston matches. *bounces* 've already told the childer that esp when my painkillers wear off anyone who gets between me and my games tomorrow will suffer a very loud and violent death... if they are lucky.

And in a random 'ohh, lookit SPN's on' S3 definitely had the best opening sequence. :) OHHHHHHHHH, it's "Long Distance Call"!!!!!!! Bow at the feet of Rami, lol. :D

Okay, I will stop being random and actually post this... besides, SPN's on! :P~

heavenlyxbodies: (SPN fangrrls)
WAH! I finished S3 of Cabin Pressure this evening... *grabby hands* More, pls, now, pls.

I'm writing the worst thing 've ever written... I hate it, my voices sound off and the pace is too fast and it's just so not my cuppa, but I was supposed to have something done a week ago at the latest, so... 'm just glad I don't have to claim it when it's all said and done. Hopefully, I can do this, finish it off and try to do something for the Pic Spam Challenge at [profile] merlin_land (erm, that's an LJ comm, not a DW one, just saying since it converts it automatically) before the time runs out.

*sighs* I feel like my muses are on strike and I don't know why. Just nothing feels right... 'm debating posting some of Silence as individual fics rather than continuing to try to put them in a cohesive unit. I just don't know... maybe I'll put them here for the time being, I just don't know. *Mys, have security and self-confidence issues? Never.*

I love how if it's something that messes with her routine there's no way in hells it'll get done, but if it messes with mine then I can go fuck myself!

heavenlyxbodies: (B/C think tank)
It's disturbing to be listening to "Home for Christmas" (not to be confused with "I'll be Home for Christmas") and realize the "home" you want to be at for Christmas isn't the "home" you're at. And it's not exactly like I can tell Pup that, she'd freak and read all sorts of stuff into it. It's just that the Christmas here... isn't. :/

*bounces* I made cheesy graphics for the [livejournal.com profile] merlin_games Christmas thing, they’re here if anyone’s interested. My person wanted the boys and/or knights with Christmas stuff photoshop’ed in. I figured even my meagre skills could manage that. Best part she actually likedl them! *squeaks*

So, I spent most of yesterday listening to Cabin Pressure (‘cause, yes, apparently I have become that much of a git, lol) and for some reason S01E06 had me rolling, literally! Okay, so maybe not literally but I was doubled over in the beating snow getting strange looks from all the other idiots out in the mush of weather. :P Anyway I decided it would be a crime against the laws of nature not to make a sound byte of them singing, so I did. :P~

In other news, I did sing up for that Five Things Bang, *face palm* but just the 5-10k option, so it shouldn't be too much of a headache. And well, I don't write Five Times/Things fic so I thought it might be a change. I just wish the idea I have would LEAVE… I Do Not Want It!!!! ‘m hoping that by the time I actually start it I’ll have another much saner idea, which, seriously, a saner idea wouldn’t be that hard to come up with, hells, I have half of one already sitting on my laptop waiting for me to either finish it or throw it to the wolves. Just want this other idea to get its teeth and claws outta my skin. *grrrrrrr*

heavenlyxbodies: (fandom)
Fangrrl moment!!!!!!!!
I met Michael Shanks. :) He's sweet, and gorgeous, and just a little twisted...
And this is why Mys should not be allowed to meet ppl, lol )

Other wise it was pretty much what I expected for their version of a con, mainly dealer space and stuff, none of the really fun stuff, but it was still fun and a trip...


possible spoilers (SPN) )


To two certain special ppl on my f-list- I hate you. I'm having bunnies! *GRR* Well, one real bunny and a couple bits of short angstiliciousness that keep trying to write themselves in my head. I have a feeling I will be e-mailing one of you, you know who you are, about this in the next few weeks (hopefully you will talk some sense into me *head desk*).

In a related note, Benedict Cumberbatch has the most beautiful voice... it makes makes me all warm and fuzzy- I have added him to my list of ppl I'd listen to read a phone book, lol.

Speaking of I really need to put Dead Beat on Colin to listen to... just wish I had a copy that was chaptered :( and not well, not in two 7 hour blocks, but still, James' voice is worth it (and I love the books anyway, though really WHY did he have to make Thomas and Harry brothers? I mean, my head was all ready to go there, then he does that *piffle* waste of a good pairing that was, lol).


I think 'm gonna have to withdraw from one of my exchanges... don't wanna, but the words won't come and I don't think my heart is in it :( I even have an idea and it should be easy to bang something out, but every time I open the file it just sits there and taunts me. Not of the good. 'm gonna give it until morning, if nothing comes I'll do the horrible and withdraw... I feel like 'm doing that a lot lately, DNW :((

And now I am going to go fight with printing out these SSDI papers, so I can have a nice panic attack or 50 over that... yes, lovely way to spend my time- 's no wonder the muses are being fickle. *humphs*

heavenlyxbodies: (Colin Christmas)
*squeaks* ‘m going to a con tomorrow! …or later today, whatever, lol.
Nah, Pup’s sitting at the comp when she says, outta nowhere, ‘there’s a science fiction convention this weekend’ Fanboy and I automatically perk up. ‘Yeah, wha… Shanks is gonna be there and some others’ Of course she barely gets the ‘Shanks’ out before Fanboy and I are sitting straight up and racing for Cas to look up this con, lol.
Turns out Pup had already looked it up… *shakes head* silly woman. Then she gets all uppity ‘cause Fanboy half teasing says he knows what he and I are doing tomorrow. Anyway, next thing I know Pup’s on the phone arranging to change her shift tomorrow and suddenly me, Fanboy, HRH, MM, and Pup are all going to this con. ‘m a bit worried since ‘m not at all sure it’s gonna be what Pup expects and ‘ve never been to this kind of con, so… but still ‘m hoping for good things. (of all the times for my meds to be… and my head, yeah, but still, con and Pup and Fanboy I should feel pretty safe, yeah *keeps repeating until she believes it*)

I’m horrible, ‘ve got less than a day to write a fic and I just don’t know if I can do it… it’s so fucking hard to think around here with all the trash HRH insists on watching and the noise and not being allowed to go hide in the kitchen and just write and block the rest of the world out. (Btb, MM called Pup on that the other day when HRH and Fanboy came back, it felt good to have someone ‘not on my side’ bring it up.)

Yesterday, I realized I had another exchange that I’d been so sick I’d missed the announcements for- thank the gods I was able to beg an extension.

‘ve decided to start leaving stray bunnies here on my journal- don’t worry they’ll be locked so you won’t be tortured with them just probably the whole meds thing making me babble more than usual.

Yeah, and my bloody SSDI review has come up. *is scared* I mean, I knew it was coming; was actually expecting it last year, still doesn’t make it any better, esp considering that whole not in the US thing and it’s not helping my psyche (such as it is) the whole shit with my shrink here and not having so much as spoken with the new one, :( DNW. *sighs*

Right now all I want is to curl up with some nice telly and some hot cocoa and let the world wash away… not happening, though. Mainly because I don’t have any nice telly (that I can get away with watching with Pup home) or enough hot cocoa to sneak off with.

heavenlyxbodies: (Merlin A/M HB)
*deep breath* Okay, it's up! Now, I shall go hide in the depths of 'OMGs I fucking posted it'!hell for a while...
If anyone's interested it's here on LJ and here on AO3. :)

heavenlyxbodies: (B/C think tank)
WAH!!!!! Just got back from the dentist... okay, not just got back, but just calmed down enough to think straight after the dentist, lol. I hate dentists (yes, there's a story there). I think they worked on 4 or 5 teeth; I still can't feel my right eyelid. *whimpers* I want h/c fic... yes, I know, I always want h/c fic, but right now I REALLLLLLLLLLLLLY want it, esp anything that involves actual pain/comfort and not just emotional hurt (which is totally weird, since 'm usually the other way around). Maybe it's the anaesthesia, it's affecting my brain?
FYI- DCFC is great for dentists. :) Very relaxing... and good for focusing. A bit better than Clannad, only because I don't know all that much Gaelic (Irish or otherwise- am I git for knowing that?) so it's harder to focus on some things. Yes, I know you really needed to know that, lol.

I watched the last half of 1x02 this morning, and cooed about just how slashy that ep is, I mean, I don't technically ship them, but that was slashy on so many levels (oh maybe I should say it was Sherlock I was watching, I forget ppl aren't in my head, lol)... sometimes I wish I didn't look at the world through slash-coloured glasses, lol. It was a good way to spend the morning before having to go get drilled and not in the good way. *hangs head in shame* I made gifs... okay, like two maybe three (can't remember if I finished one of them, lol), but still, I made gifs.

I still haven't watch the latest Merlin, 'm bad, I keep sitting down to and getting distracted by Fanboy talking movies and stuff with me- 'm not used to having someone to talk that stuff with... and he totally gets it when I finish lines or songs he's saying. Why does he get that it's just being silly over knowing the same stuff, while Pup gets mad and tells me 'm trying to make her feel stupid? Sometimes I really don't understand ppl, esp females, guys make sense, they might be jackasses a lot of the time but I understand them. *head desk*
Anyway, I will watch it before Saturday... Pup's working and Fanboy has plans so I should be able to get it done come hells or high water! I don't think it's a spoiler at this point, but just in case someone has managed to live that deep in a cave 'll hide it )*nodnodnod*

Serious(ish) question:
Okay, anybody else doing the [livejournal.com profile] merlinreversebb having trouble contacting the mods?

'k bloody store is calling, must go so I can feed ppl and all that unimportant stuff (I mean really, if the muses are calling they really hate being interrupted... pesky things).

heavenlyxbodies: (Bradley mrphle)
You ppl are evil... you know who you are. *eyes evilly* I even went so far as to make a tag for it. Happy now! :P

'm rewatching 1x01 tonight (at 2 in the morning I might add, when I really should be in bed, since I have to get up in 4 hours) and smiling like the anti-social geek I am, lol. *sighs and shakes head* At least, 'm not planning to start shipping anytime soon. Don't worry, I do seem to be reading the stray piece, but I'm showing no signs of going on insane reading sprees like I generally do, lol. Although the urge to gif and actually make myself a fandom appropriate icon or two may be more than my little brain can handle.
The truly annoying thing? It's cutting into my ficcing time and I really want to make some more headway on the next part of Silence before I get bogged down with my [livejournal.com profile] merlinreversebb fic (though I kinda want to talk to my artist to determine which of the two paths I'm thinking they'd prefer me go with, so that's not really such a rush atm, still...). But, seriously, if anybody sees me getting too sucked in by Sherlock, please hit me over the head with something or wave Colin's cheekbones in my face or Bradley's tooth, either will do nicely, thank you.

heavenlyxbodies: (6 fingers)
*snickers* That's brilliant; I use my Christmas gift card to pre-order the mid-summer release of Island and now my birthday (June) gift card to pre-order Parked. I told ppl there was a reason I wasn't spending them, lol. Colin = ♥

I think ‘m developing a long coat fetish… ‘m sitting here rewatching Sherlock and am suddenly struck with the knowledge that I really wanna hump his coat. This is disturbing on several levels, not the least of which is the fact that ‘m severely allergic to wool… ‘elp.
Also that scarfy thing, does it remind anyone else of the scarf Reid went around wearing in S2, I think it was, of CM? I bet you lot thought I was gonna make some Merlin reference didn’t you, well, surprise! sometimes my brain does go other places than fathomless blue eyes and cheekbones you could carve wood with. Sometimes they stick with superior intellect and possible psychosis. :P~

I think I may be creating some cohesion within Silence… possibly, maybe… lol.

Oh, and Fanboy has finally convinced me to watch S7… we’ll see how that goes :/

I need a tag for this!I has tag now *points* :)

heavenlyxbodies: (Merlin links)

heavenlyxbodies: (JM rum)
The Cards WON!!!!!!
Rally Squirrel FTW!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I know it's late, but I wanted to watch the game with Pup and she didn't get home till late and 've been avoiding the interwebs and ESPN like the plague alllllllllll day [I even missed recording Merlin (S3 for the Clan, and why they won't let me DL it with SweSubs is beyond me) 'cause I was watching DVDs to keep me from seeing the telly accidentally, lol].

And equally important, but with far fewer exclamation marks, is this ep gonna do a number on me? I worry about it. ...okay, so right now, I'm worrying about ALL of S4, but some eps more than others- tonight's ep would fall into the "more than others" portion of the program. So yes, do I need chocolate and tissues? *has grown extra paranoid after 4x03* And yes, yes, I know strange things get to me, but I have to ask somewhere and you guys are more likely to know what would get to me than anyone else I could ask. :p~

heavenlyxbodies: (Merlin Merlin don't fuck with me)
What the fuck? "sissy-uke" (and yes, I had to fucking look it up!) Really? Dude, he just woke up to find out he couldn't hear- it's not a fucking hangnail! I think he has the right to be freaked out and not be the strong one!!! Seriously, wtf!?!?! And if you're going to insult my characterization gimme something more than that or why the fuck bother- esp when you're insulting such a sensitive matter? Tell you what asshat, you come back and e-mail me once you've been there or know someone who has; then maybe I'll listen to your blathering. Until then, be glad 'm too angry to reply to you...



heavenlyxbodies: (Default)


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