NOT DEAD

Jul. 3rd, 2014 02:27 pm
heavenlyxbodies: (SPN Gabriel)
...but someone pls kill my brain.
I've just finished the fic of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
My world is getting weird. I've started going to the gym and swimming again. I went and did the initial testing for the damn Swedish class. (Which was funny since I had to write this blurb "about yourself" in Swedish, and I ended it with "I don't think my Swedish is very good and I'm starting to have a panic attack because of it." in Swedish of course, then had to do the computer part and the lady wound up saying, "you know a lot of Swedish.") And on a more playful(?) note, I have somehow managed to become a central leader in Uto. Do not want! But it's one of those things where no one else will step up and do the job. Like Juke doesn't really want to be monarch, but no one else will do it, I don't really want to be steward, but no one else will do it, HD doesn't want to be monarch or steward, but he winds up doing the latter during wars. The fucked up bit with that is that it actually works for us, well, the KD, lol.
And let's not even touch the headachy bit (much).
But all I can think of is another fusion, a proper fusion this time and it's the most... I mean... well, on one hand I can't believe it hasn't been done yet (yes, I checked), on the other all the bits just fall into place so bloody well! Oh, and I think it's gen... maybe... probably... possibly pre-slash... definitely bonding- not BONDING bonding, just normal friendship bonding.
Here lie bits of the bunny if anyone's interested ) ...shoot me now.

In other fun news, I finally sat down and watched Dredd. I think I'm in love. I don't know what the naysayers are on about, it was gorgeous. I also finally got to watch Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit and damnit all to hells they made a Jack Ryan that feels like Jack Ryan again- thank you Ken Branagh, proving once again, what I have known since 1989, that you are totally AWESOME! I want mooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee of both. Need more. *pants*
Watched a bunch of other Urban-y stuff too, but that's not for here; just really needed to mention Dredd- it makes me happy.
heavenlyxbodies: (JM poodles)
'scuse the incoming capslock and ginormous font, but those who know me will understand and won't judge. ;)

FABRIC STORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, you heard right. After some 7+ years Mys has found a fabric store in Sweden. A real, proper fabric store. Not one of those drapery stores with a depressing selection of formal fabrics and way too much yarn. No, an honest to gods fabric store with normal everyday fabrics and notions and PATTERNS!!!!!! Real McCall's and Butterick (and Vogue *bleh*) pattern catalogues, too! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Mys is happy.
Now the only question is where to start. Mawahahahahahaha.

HS's birthday is coming up and it has been decided that I am making her birthday cake this year... she wants a bloody Spongebob cake, one of those at least partially 3D ones. *head desk* Well, guess how I'm spending my Saturday and Sunday! Yay! Not. Lol. Oh, well, I can use a challenge... okay, well, I'm trying here, yeah. :P

Speaking of challenges, I am now up to 5 BBs and 2 challenges/exchanges and 1 exchange dangling in front of me going "We have coooookkkkkkiiiiieeeeeessssssss", but for now that one at least is being put in the wait for it column. And I have already decided I'm knocking off one of the BBs, and no, I don't feel bad about it because I signed up for two in the same BB 'cause I wasn't sure which would want to get written fully expecting to cut out one of them. I am worried about the 2 challenges/exchanges. 1 is just not going, it stalled a month ago and is only giving me death spasms now. The other I just have no idea what to do with the prompts involved. My big BB has taken a turn for the headachy; it stalled out for a few days there and has been going slowly to boot, but I think that's got a lot to do with the part I'm at, there's a lot of detail or at least a lot of things I have to make sure match up or don't contradict each other or canon. But I got in early on the BBs so rough drafts aren't due until January for the earliest one.

My game is already starting with the headaches, but I expected that since Sensei wasn't gonna be around. I just hate calcs and trying to make myself heard and trying not to kill my poor thieves, while trying not to kill my KD-mates at the same time, lol. But last war went well, and I think most of my calcs have worked out right, so yay me. :p And hopefully tomorrow I can find someone who needs to be relieved of their gold so it can be used more productively in training my troops and converting my build. A plan, I has it. ;)

I've also been stealing back my tv time and getting more regular about it, too. Of course they went and stopped showing NCIS right when I was getting in a rhythm so I'm trying to suss the scheduling out again, but I think I'm getting it. Gonna test my theory today.
Yes, I'm still on my movie kick, though I have been expanding into suspense thrillers, so more toys to play with. I just finished catching up with my H5-0 and MM and I have 4 eps left of S8 of SPN and can I just say In Carver We Trust :D:D:D:D:D:D:D My show's back.

And my most recent victim has just finished making it's way into my evil little hands, so I am going to post this and go watch cheesy sci-fi/fantasy movies.
heavenlyxbodies: (Default)
Joining and more to the point getting e-mail alerts for new entries on [community profile] bigbangindex was the WORST and BEST thing I have done in ages.

I've just signed up for my 4th... and am looking longingly at a 5th. Somebody save me!
heavenlyxbodies: (Merlin donkey!Arthur invalid)
Well,I was planning on doing a nice dumping post in the next few days, but this little tidbit could not be contained...

IT'S FUCKING OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*dances madly*


That was one of the most horrible and excruciating things I have ever suffered through. I mean, seriously awful. We're talking driving you out of fandom awful. I have a WIP I plan to finish, a colab with Arthur for a comm, and I plan to finish out the Silence!verse, but that's it, no more. At least, that's the plan.
Now, don't get me wrong my Merlin muses haven't been truly inspired lately, so I was thinking of putting it on the back burner as it were. But this horrible experience just killed what I had left. If that is the state of the fandom these days then I don't want to be part of it. Note, I am talking about the ppl, not the fic. I mean, 99% of it wasn't anything I would normally read, but you write or do art and have the guts to put it out there I'm not gonna call you to the carpet unless you specifically ask my opinion (though honestly overall if that was an accurate set of exemplars for the fandom then I grieve for it), but no, it was the ppl, the experience. Yeah, the challenges were crap and mundane and nothing really inspiring, but... the ppl... UGH! Rude, clique-ish, and unwelcoming. And sometimes just plain spiteful. I don't wanna be active in a fandom like that. I prefer my fandoms to be supportive and friendly.

And I'm sorry to any of you (ie Cheeky) who might be reading this who actually tried- thank you.

And Mr. [personal profile] neuroticnick, not like I expect you to see this, but I have held my tongue for 2 weeks and now it must be said, you are a total douche! Seriously, fine if a fic doesn't float your boat, tickle your fancy, or in any other way 'do it' for you, but you don't, you just don't go out of your way to diss it in the fucking results post!!!!! That's just wrong... and cruel. And in response from #6, I'm sorry if writing fic that was more complicated than a "Dick and Jane" book is above your comprehension levels. I would suggest enrolling in some adult education classes, perhaps.

Okay, I feel better now. Now off to find some nice violence and homicide!
heavenlyxbodies: (Default)
Alrighty, I think I promised you lot a more positive post over last weekend and ya didn’t get it (not that any of you are actually chomping at the bit for my odd posts anyway, lol), so here’s a bit of everything. :)

Arthur and I joined the [community profile] summerpornathon and I am failing in a spectacular fashion, lol. Yeah, yeah, I know, I have no self-esteem and am being too hard on myself, yadayadayada. Don’t worry Arthur is giving me the requisite talks and prods. And I haven’t runoff, so that’s something. (carefully omits this it’s only the second week into the challenge and plenty of time left for Mys to freak out and run) Of course, we kinda feel like odd men, erm, women out, so there’s a bit of solidarity involved, too.

The lovely tooth they started the root canal on got infected, got an emergency appt and antibiotics, but my new doc was going on vacation and couldn’t see me until late August, and because of stupid, stupid rules none of the other docs could see me as anything but a same day emergency appt. *head desk* But like I said I got antibiotics and thankfully my doc got a cancellation and the doc that saw me threw such a stink that she pretty much HAD to call and offer it to me. Now, if I could just stop having a reaction to the antibiotics, lol. In related dental news, I was eating an Oreo and the tooth directly above the infected one broke off, right at the gum line and just shy of straight through the middle. I’m hoping she’ll fix both of them Wednesday… otherwise I may have to hurt someone.

Apparently my brain has decided it wants to revert to the mid 90’s. I dl’d yet another of the series I used to watch, though this one much less, but that was a timing thing. I also named HRH’s guppies… yes, yes, I did. And I am leaving it at that.

Writing! There is writing being done. :D I figured out how to get around the damn tentacles on my bingo card! It’s h/c so it doesn’t have to be sexual, doesn’t even have to be shippy, but come on… anyway, tentacles, non-sexual tentacles… CTHULHU!!!!!!!! And I already have Wings Over Innsmouth out there, I could do a sequel to that, I even have a cheese worthy title- Shadows Over Sioux Falls. *makes happy Drusilla-esque noises*
And the big One, it’s definitely on. Got a couple thou already written and I haven’t even gotten past the first part. I’m seriously thinking about looking to see if there’s a Big Bang out there for this, I mean I seldom have ideas that I know are gonna be big ones, so I might oughta try to take advantage. Actually, I think I will do that… if you’ll excuse me. *scurries off*

*runs back in* I’ll try to update more, might actually manage it with the pornathon going. :D
Laters *goes in search of big bang comms*
heavenlyxbodies: (fandom)
So, yes, as horrifying a concept as it may be, Mys is still alive and kicking, slightly more with the kicking than before, if truth be told.

Kitchen sink, you say? Yes, I happen to have one right here. )

Anywho, I have fic to read, shows to watch, fic to WRITE (lookit, I can say that without wanting to cry or rip my hair out, much, lol), and the Great Fandom Repost to work on, so I am shutting up now and going to poke this TS fic with a stick and make sure an anthropologist falls out from under it and not a cop then maybe finish up the little drabble I’m working on for Arthur
heavenlyxbodies: (Misha/Jensen kiss)
I got season 1 of Legacy!!! *bounces* It is currently holding a place of honour next to my SPN DVDs (the only boxed sets I have that I keep separate from the family piles). With season 1 I got chili! This may not seem a big deal, but it is my favourite chili on the planet and you can normally only find it in the South, so yeah, it's like gold, lol. I grossed out the members of the Clan that were here by making chili cheese fries for dinner. Pfft, more for me. :P~
I went off and bought myself something else- I swear I haven't spent this much money on myself in YEARS- I broke down and bought S7 of SPN... it was cheap... and I have 1-6, and I am hoping (though I haven't had the nerve to look and with me not speaking to Fanboy I don't have my usual supply of tidbits) Carver saves my show, which means I'll want S8 and I just can't have the one without the other. What, it's Mys logic, shush.

Pup has fallen in love with "Fifty Shades of Grey"... and she keeps trying to freak me out with, umm, topics... *sighs* Some ppl just never learn.

You don't want to know about the game Arthur has me playing... sometimes I don't want to know, lol. But it does bring out the old evil Mys, and I kinda miss her, lol.

My hand is buggered. The eczema was acting up and chapping because of the weather, but I was handling it. Today, I had to actually give up and fully bandage it, it's bleeding too much and I can't move it... that's why my typing is so bad (though I hope I catch everything, lol).

I have taken a break from my movie/series watching for a bit; got a bunch of beta stuff to do and that's taking priority.
On a related note (not that many of you will care), I have started to edit (catch all those grammar and spelling things that slipped through the first time) and repost my old fic over on AO3. So far, so good. I've got about a third of my Spander stuff up and nothing has incurred anybody's wrath and it's getting hits, not many, but it's Spander on AO3, not exactly the most prolific place for it. Once I finish the betaing I have I think I'll start on some of my SPN... of course that brings up the odd question of whether or not to rename Nonci, since I realized after (months after) that that was the perfect form, I mean, it means the same, but it's a less used form of the word for that... you know like something that can mean "it" or "you" but more often means one over the other. I probably won't change it, though, because I like the flow of it, still it is something to consider, lol.

Last night HRH found more of those inappropriate "friends" and convos on HS' phone. *sighs* But no, don't listen to me, don't check her phone every now and then or block her from Skype or watch her FB, no pls don't... *head desk*

Now, I am off to my other game to try and help start a war. :D



PS- Don't ask me why or exactly how, but I feel like my icon right now (at least the one on LJ). :D :D :D
heavenlyxbodies: (Default)
First off, *hugs* and Merry Christmas and/or other seasonal holiday of your choosing (with extra cocoa and marsh mellows for Silky, Mia, and Arthur)!

Second- OMGs, I wrote something!!!!!! Okay, so it's in a basically defunct fandom that I never felt the need to write in for a relatively rare pairing, but it's FIC. (It's over here if anyone's interested; it's just over 2000 words of Poltergeist: the Legacy Derek/Nick pre-slash, so mild I even rated it G and we all know how I usually rate everything one level higher, lol)

Third, I may have to kill Arthur, she knows why and that's enough. *mutters about bloody Russians and Spikey tendencies and "aroused assassin"s*

Fourth. I have paperwork to fill out (again), a decided lack of drugs (so forgive me if I'm extra un-social, 'm not exactly ignoring ppl, I'm more avoiding the world while trying to keep my brain and BP in check sans-meds... it's a full time job *mrphle*), fic to beta, books to read, telly to catch up on, and fandoms to resist... I'm swamped! Lol.
heavenlyxbodies: (Default)
Pup and I went to the couples counseling the other day… it went okay, mostly background stuff, so hard to tell how it’s gonna go, but it had all good signs, so we’ll see.
I also got the results from the psych eval… and yes, I have yet another dx I am now known as Princess BiPolar, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Banana Fanna Asperger the Third, but you can call me Dot. (I know bad joke, but it’s always what I think of when I start rattling off my dx’s, and even there I couldn’t fit in the social and agoraphobia, lol). So yeah, lots of fun there.

I also did something I just don’t do, no matter how badly the muses and life are behaving- I dropped out of not just one, but both of my Christmas exchanges, incl [profile] deancas_xmas, which I’ve completed every year it’s been around, even the two years they gave me squick city prompts/likes/dislikes. Seriously have you ppl seen how many times I use the words “happy endings” and “I don’t write fallen/human!Cas”… I repeat the later a minimum of 5 times in my ‘dislikes’ and ‘what I won’t write’ sections, each, you would think they’d take the hint, lol. Anyway, I’m trying (and failing) not to get uber depressed about that. Doesn’t help that I’ve barely written more than a sentence or two in something like five or six months. :/
It also doesn’t help that I started to get a bunch of favourites on some of my old Dean/Cas fic (usually happens when the season starts and during hellatus) and I wound up going back over some of them and came to the very depressing conclusion that they sucked; which is extra depressing ‘cause I really enjoy(ed) writing Dean/Cas and those fics… right now I have the urge to delete them all from existence.
*sighs* Sometimes, esp lately, I think maybe I should just give up fandom altogether; I mean, seriously thinking about it, not just those bouts of self-doubt that I think all writers (and everyone else) go through from time to time (we just seem to do it more often, lol).
On the upside someone fav’d a story of mine on WWOMB that I couldn’t remember, so I went to look and I actually liked it. On the downside, it was a fic written for a friend, who isn’t a friend anymore, almost an enemy you could say, I usually settle for backstabbing bitch, though, in a matter of a couple hours, in a fandom I don’t write in, for a pairing that I have major misgivings about. *sighs* And the damn thing was actually pretty good. :/
I still feel like deleting everything or at least denying the existence of it all, remove any trace of my existence, change my penname to anon or something and erase all my details and put my fic comm on lockdown.

All the movie reminiscing lead to my deciding to follow a whim and see if I could actually find all 4 seasons of PtL. I’ve tried on occasion with little to no luck… but this time… this time I found all 4. :D By the time I actually post this they will be in my grubby little hands and the Clan may not see me for many, many days… or at least they wouldn’t if I had my way, lol.
NB- Since I started rewatching Legacy, I am having the subtle strings of an urge to find SPN/PtL crossovers, even though I sincerely doubt that any exist… and before you start suggesting it, no, I do not feel the urge/motivation/inspiration or otherwise to rectify this grievous oversight. Btb, if anyone knows of any said crossovers, even gen… maybe even het if it’s Derek/Rachel, I can stomach Derek/Rachel… let me know, PPPPPPLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSS.

Right now, I’m supposed to be fixing this blasted dress for HRH. I don’t mind really. I just hate it when she asks me to take something up and it winds up with me doing things like add sleeves. I hate sleeves. Sleeves are the spawn of the devil. Esp putting sleeves on a dress not meant to have sleeves without the arm of the person said sleeve is supposed to go on, after having had to do rather large adjustments of both the breastline and the shoulders. *sighs* But I’ll get it done. I found an old pattern with a basic sleeve that I’m altering to hopefully fit the bill. Yay-rah.
Oh, and Fanboy thinks I’m talking to him again. I fed him the other day and now he thinks we’re back on speaking terms ‘cause I said like three words to him ("take," "here," and "yes" I believe). Thing is about a week ago I thought I might actually be there, but then I started having nightmares again. So far no nightmares, and I’ve stopped tensing so hard I hurt every time he comes in the room. To his credit he’s not pushing, just being rather obvious with the talking. We’ll see.

You guys know how I admit to liking weird music, and not necessarily weird in its nature, but weird in the hide-it-under-the-bed-in-an-old-shoebox-so-nobody-knows-you-actually-like-that way. I try very hard to let my guard slip here, since I can’t hear the ridicule or see the horrified condescending looks (did I mention they said I had marked levels of paranoia during the eval?). Anyway, every now and then I actually get in a Christmasy mood, music-wise, and I’ve been slowly, moreso the last couple years, but still pretty slowly working on gathering a collection of Christmas music- and really trying to locate songs that you never knew who they were by or rarely heard when they weren’t being sung by your family is a pain in the ass. But anyway, some of the stuff is just, you know, standard generic holiday, snow frolicking, well-wishing, blah, blah, blah stuff and some of it’s more uh, religious, for lack of a better word; not because I’m religious in that sense, hello, pagan, but it’s just the stuff you grew up with and just because something is ‘religious’ in nature doesn’t mean it’s not pretty or enjoyable. Well, like I said I’ve been working on getting a collection together and have finally managed a small selection of stuff I grew up with, and a lot of it I’ve even managed to identify the artist involved- I am unabashedly proud of this accomplishment, lol. And well, the other day I was cooking, baking actually, and was playing my music… it took all of about five minutes before Pup was ragging on me about it being all “hallelujah this and hallelujah that”- not my fault she doesn’t like Handel. Yeah, well, she’s not letting me live it down either… ‘s hard enough to get me to admit what stuff I like, esp when it’s something I feel self-conscious about, I really don’t need her of all ppl making me feel like shit for it. *sighs*
heavenlyxbodies: (CM hell)
You know how sometimes I just post “eskimo” when I’m not doing okay… I figure those who get it deserve to, but anyway. I have discovered in recent days that there is something beyond eskimo, something as yet unnamed. I’ve barely talked to Sensei or the rest of my gaming ppl, I haven’t really been up to facing anyone he last couple days (part of why I’m trying to make myself write this). I mean after everything the last month I think I’m finally breaking. I think the final straw has been my shrink. I mean, he KNOWS that I have no faith in ppl, as a species I think they are cruel and innately malevolent. He and Pup ganged up on me last time I saw him because of it, so I know he knows. And Monday I actually went down to his office and left him a letter… everybody (or at least most ppl) knows how hard it is for me to make calls, add that to everything that’s happened and we probably would have entered the next ice age before I managed to stay on the line long enough to talk to him. I even checked to see if he was in. And here it is Sunday and he hasn’t so much as called to say we’ll talk about it Monday (tomorrow), when I see him again… That on top of his already making me feel like shit for thinking ppl suck, giving me the “walking” speech as if that’ll cure my ills- hello, I’ve been in some form of therapy pretty much since I was 16, I think, we’ve covered ‘ways to help you depression 101’ by now- and making me fight for a therapist is not going over well. I mean really this guy is supposed to be trained in this shit and he can’t see what he’s doing? Or worse, he’s one of those whose intent is to make you feel like this; I’ve had those before… the last one almost got bitch-slapped, literally.

...continued psychodrama )

Now in other news, I have watched more horror movies in the last month than I have in the last, oh pretty much since I’ve been here. These don't contain descriptions as it's hard enough for me to do that and there's just too many, lol.

Oh, the horror (or not), Pt 2 )
heavenlyxbodies: (Default)
So, I've been on a movie watching kick the last few days (figured I needed a break from all the angsty/heavy drama stuff I've been watching) and since I've been pretty much ignoring everyone (nothing personal just were the brain is), I thought maybe I'd share y unsolicited and most like unpopular opinions. :P

I was looking for suspense/horror...
this is what I got... (pls forgive my short not-so-good summaries, I have a hard enough time writing my fic summaries, so...)

Oh, the horror!!! (or not) )

The dental nightmare is being nightmarish. The stitches came out last Thursday and promptly on Friday I started having horrible, horrible pain in one of the teeth next to the pins. It felt like someone had gripped the tooth in a pair of pliers and was twisting it... I'm having to take as much or more painkillers than after the surgery to make it stop hurting. And yes, I went back for an emergency appt on Monday and they don't know what's wrong. There may be the beginnings of an infection, but it wasn't big enough on the x-ray to be sure, the tooth that's hurting had a cap put on it a couple months ago and it was/is a lot bigger than the original tooth ever was and they said I was biting on it too hard... it's actively loose. :( Anyway, they filed it down so hopefully I won't bite so hard and want me to follow up with my regular dentist, unfortunately his next available appt isn't until early November, but they did tell me not to hesitate to call if the pain keeps up. Yay-rah! :/

HRH and I are going at it most of the time these days. She's constantly whining about not getting to watch telly every single time she wants, and complaining about me watching my baseball and forensic shows. *sighs* I really do not understand. Pup got ESPN America for the sole purpose of allowing me to watch my baseball- I say she got it because I hadn't so much as asked for it, but she'd seen how much I was watching it when we first moved in and they hadn't set up all the cable blocks for the channels we weren't supposed to get- yet I'm not allowed to actually watch it. And all of them are all like "didn't you watch this game yesterday/the other day" and don't seem to understand the concept of 'series'. *head desk* Anyway, now that it's the post-season I'm being much bitchier about it, which is not going over well at all. So many fights... Top it off with HRH's continued refusal to help out around the house- and she's constantly blaming it on things like not having this or that fancy cleaner or not being able to watch telly or, and this is my favourite, not being up to it because she's been out with her friends all day/night... this does not make me empathize with her. *sighs*

I'm still getting better at this attacking business in Utopia. :D I actually came out really well from our last war. Hehe. And sensei introduced me to plunder attacks >:) it's like thief ops with your army, lol. I like stealing other ppls things. Yes, I am evil, but it's soooooooo much fun.

I haven't written anything in ages. I was just taking a break... and now I have all these half formed ideas niggling at me and the [community profile] merlin_holidays exchange to do, but nothing wants to actually start. :/ But once I get the teeth pain under control I plan to try to actually focus on that.

Oh, yes... I got a call today from the ppl doing my Aspie eval, and they asked if they could bump me over to Stockholm, since it will be a lot quicker, like before the end of the year type quicker. :D Still haven't heard about the therapist, and still not doing good on the whole... too close to the edge among other things. About lost it when some pushy bint started tapping my arm- not my shoulder, my arm... there... at least I didn't round on her, but still spent most of the day uber on edge. *sigh* I really am not doing good, well, not as good as I was, still, hella better than it used to be.

In a random sports note- the Cards made the post-season!!! Of course, so did the Nats, the O's, and the Braves, if only in a fight for the wildcard spot. I'm routing for the Cards as you might expect... it kinda sucks that the three teams I like in the NL are all up against each other in the first wave of post-season games, lol. Although, at least I'll know early on who I've got to choose between. :)

ETA- Well, that was fun. I stuck to my guns and told HRH I wasn't feeding her since she wasn't helping out- it's been over two weeks since I made the declaration. This led to a huge blow up with much yelling and calling me names and did I mention the yelling? Screeching would be more accurate. Anyway... she finally did some of her dishes- slamming and clashing and leaving stuff in the sink rather than putting it up; I'm surprised she managed to do it without breaking anything. Pup even went off about the mess in the living room and how she just spreads her shit all over the place... *sighs* I hold no illusions that this will be the end of things, more likely the beginning, but at least she knows I mean what I say now.

And now that I am nicely stressed out by that screaming fit HRH just had, I think I am going to curl up with my sore tooth and my warm cuddly cardigan and watch some bad movies until the Cards-Nats game comes on.
heavenlyxbodies: (Merlin donkey!Arthur invalid)
Greetings from Cas m2!
So after a few days of awful- ranging from missed buses, messed up groceries, and general bad day-ness to Cas dying a slow and painful death and Fanboy and I discovering HS has been Skyping and send pics of her in her underwear to a 16yro... and he was one of the younger ones, we found one guy who was like 32. And we found out the we were right and she was really sneaking off downtown to meet a boy/boys... we just didn't know how old they were (Pup has the horrible tendency to believe her, and tell me I'm being overbearing or paranoid *sigh*). So, yeah. And Pup wonders why I keep saying we need to keep an eye on HS on-line and off. And Pup won't let me put the parental controls on to keep her from going to some of the sites she's going to- a 10yro has no business being on strangers.se and the like. Anyway, after those wonderful few days I got the money to go get a new laptop... things have been a bit more normal since then. And after some careful hunting and speaking with my parrot Cas m2 is now fully equipped. I even got Photoshop CS6 installed (still trying to figure it out, but it's installed... we'll see if it lasts, I can always go back to my trusty Gimp if needs be :D ).

...and everything else )


.
heavenlyxbodies: (Default)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it, or we did it. Battle Hymns is up and I am now squeezing ppls hands and hiding behind them. (yes, Mia, this means you... and Arthur, and I promise I won't cut off the circulation this time)
So yeah, if ppl are interested...
Title: Battle Hymns- on LJ; on DW; on AO3 (coming soon)
Author: [personal profile] heavenlyxbodies
Pairing: John/Sherlock (mostly pre-slash)
Rating: R (for disturbing imagery)
Spoilers: general S2
Feedback: Makes me happy, just play nice
Disclaimer(s) can be found here
Beta: [profile] phnx_reader, any remaining mistakes are mine, and probably me ignore her advice.
Warnings/Squicks (nota bene- some of these warnings are for things only mentioned in passing, but as the entire work may contain triggers I wanted to try to cover everything): may contain triggers, disturbing imagery, torture, PTSD, flashbacks, mentions/description of death of non-canon characters
Summary: Sherlock returns, whole, but battered and not just on the outside. There are things he's done, things he's discovered that he can't tell John. But the signs are there and it's only a matter of time before those secrets come out. Deals with Sherlock and what happened in those three years and how he copes with it now (mainly the latter), and how John copes with him.
Written for [profile] johnlockbigbang 2012 with absolutely awesome and incredible art by [profile] tinnny, go see for yourself, it's truly amazing art!


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heavenlyxbodies: (JM Burundi)
So I survived the amusement park. It was actually a lot of fun. HS didn't have any screaming sessions and HRH only got in one fight with Fanboy, lol. Somehow, I got browbeaten talked into going on the Free Fall with HS (no one else would brave it, lol)- it was fun, I didn't even burst anyone's eardrums with my screaming. And they had a couple new coasters, including a wooden one, well, partly wooden. I think it was designed to give the overall feel of a wooden coaster, which it did admirably, with the added support of a steel support structure. Whatever the idea, it was brilliant. :D I could have happily ridden that one all day, lol.

We went up to this shopping centre a couple days before that- it's the only proper 'mall' they have imo and it was actually pretty big, and... I bought stuff!!!!! I finally found my pens! And Pup promptly gave me a hard time for not buying a million of them, lol. I told her that's why I bought two and not just one. The things last me forever even with how much I hand write fic and research notes and stuff, my last one lasted me over six months, so two is plenty. I also bought new leggings, a tank top, and a light weight 'cardigan'- big spending there, lol. I also got the nerve up to ask Pup to help me order new jeans and a top from this one catalogue, haven't done it yet, but I actually spoke up about something I need/want. *is proud*

This walking thing is still only making me feel worse. :/ Sometimes I wonder if it'd actually make me feel better if I went at night. Night's always better for me, so maybe it'd work then. I don't know, just something else to think about and deal with.

Doc said I'm alive and all my tests were within normal range for a type 2 diabetic- he even took me off one of my diabetes meds (not that big a deal when you consider that the pharmacies 'round here have a problem getting it in so I haven't been properly on it for almost a year, still I'm diabetic and almost a decade ago they said I'd be on insulin within the year- I wasn't, and now they've taken off two of my three diabetes meds, so it's all good; and ohhhhhh, look at this run-on sentence, a parenthetical one even :P ) and said they could increase the dosage of the one I'm on if needs be, another oddity, since I was told I was on the max dosage, hence the other two diabetes meds. Whatever, it's a good thing. :D

I'm going slightly nuts with Utopia. My KD's leadership is not what it should be, but he's been the monarch there for YEARS, so it's not like I can call him out on any of it. *grr* And compared to a lot of KDs he's good. I have a friend who's moving to another KD with a friend of his and he wants me to go with him. Me and two others, basically those of us who actually planned and tried to run proper wars and kept us from getting thoroughly wasted in the ones we were in. But I don't think his friend likes me... I'm a thief and she mainly wants attackers. :/ And she totally verbally bitch-slapped me when I asked what she thought about doing a T/A. My friend says he'll help me go attacker, I've only ever been T/M or hybrid, and he really wants me there (and he's helping me figure out a way to go T/A without officially going T/A, lol), but I don't think their monarch is gonna let me in, and there's less than a day left before the Age resets. *sighs* I really want to be in a working KD. I really want to stay a thief, but I can try attacker if I'm in a decent KD. Sometimes I think I expect too much since I was monarch for four Ages, years ago, I have standards that other monarchs don't. And do not misinterpret that- I do not want to be monarch again; I just have ideas on how a KD should be run. Oh, well, we'll see what today brings.

I did drop the blog!fic out of the big bang and I feel better about it, now I can sort it out properly and not try to force it out. It was a good decision. Now, if I could only get my Giles voice to work properly, I could finish Briana's b-day fic... *sighs* If it's not one thing, it's another, lol. On a happier or at least more satisfying note, my other big bang fic, Battle Hymns, is all wrapped up; put the finishing touches on it last night and my artist has done some absolutely amazing art for it. :D
In related news:
I GOT MY POSTING DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The 15th of August if anyone's wondering. It's the last fic to go up. I'm excited! And terrified; like I told Arthur, I'm gonna be a wreck and hiding behind her once it goes up- I always get freaked when I post to a new fandom, or to a big bang, and with this I'm doing both! *head desk* (No, I'm not counting my 221B, since I only posted it on AO3 and it's a bloody sappy drabble; this 'll be my first proper foray into Sherlock fandom... why do I do this to myself again? Oh, yes, Glutton For Punishment.)

Okay, Mys' shutting up now; got dishes that need doing and drying laundry that needs tending and all those other lovely housey things.


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heavenlyxbodies: (JM Burundi)
Good news-

It looks like they finally fixed my SSD! Yay, I'm crazy again!!!! Seriously, all it took was sending the paperwork in three times to two different offices, getting ignored by my caseworker and have her refuse to arrange to talk to me (or to my mom who has my POA for just such occasions *head desk*) and tell me I need to talk to another office, but not give me the contact info, and a nasty note sent in with the last set of paperwork saying just that... but I still haven't received any notification, just a magically appearing deposit in my bank account from Soc Sec. *sighs* One day I will figure it out, but not today; today I am just accepting something good happening and not looking at it too closely.
On a related note, Mys went shopping! And yes, this is Mys' idea of a shopping spree. I bought a new backpack, I've had my other one for 8 or 9 years and it was secondhand when I got it, lol. I bought new shoelaces from the place that has the shoelaces that I don't kill within a month, and insoles for my boots. A new writing pad, the other one only had about 5 blank pages left and considering it's gotten me through 3 big bang fics over the course of two years and a handful of other smaller fics I needed to take notes on, I didn't feel too guilty about it. I also bought a pen! I finally found a fine point blue Pilot, not the kind I wanted, but considering how hard it is to find a fine point pen of any kind around here, I'll take it, lol. Oh, and socks! I was down to my last two pair from the ones I got winter before last. We're planning to go up to Stockholm this week and I thoroughly plan to buy books at the Sci-Fi Bookstore, now whether or not I actually find anything I haven't read or have is another matter entirely, lol. And there is an outside chance I may see about getting new boots, the ones I have I got two years ago and after two Swedish winters they're showing their age, and some new jeans, I'm down to one pair and they're, uhh, whatdya call the ones that only come to your calf? Whatever, it's a pair of those that I've had to patch up twice already, of course, I've had them since before I moved here, so they're doing pretty good for being about 6 or 7 years old, lol. See, I'm really good at this spending spree thing, *tongue firmly planted in cheek* lol. It's the one cliché thing about BP I don't really suffer from; don't get me wrong, I can go on a binge just like anyone else, but that's the thing it's like anyone else, not like someone in the throes of a mania, or maybe it is... it's the one of the only times I'll actually say I want something, of course, most ppl just take that as me getting past my other dx's... so few docs understand the difference, but that's another tale.

I've gotten previews of some of the art for Battle Hymns!!!! It's brilliant! *hugs art* And she's trying to do something from the scene(s) Mia and I asked for (nearly impossible in my opinion, so I'm just soaring on the fact that she's trying to do it :D ).

Not so good news-

My blood sugar is all over the place, so the doc is running all sorts of tests, which is good I guess, at least this guy's taking me seriously. I'll know more Monday. *crosses fingers*

I hate my shrink. I've calmed down about the therapy thing, Pup keeps telling me I over-reacted and that he really does want to get me a therapist- nothing I heard said that, but I was already freaking out so I'm trying to at least tell myself I believe her. *sigh* I'm managing to get a 'list' thing together for him- slowly- I just don't see how to make these things "measurable", but I'm trying.

Oh, and I finally started watching S7... only four eps in... and not exactly a happy camper, but I have yet to attack the tv, so it's a start- I'm making Fanboy sit through it with me, which helps, gives me someone to rant at, lol.

Bad news-

I'm 99% sure I'm dropping out of the JLBB, well, the blog!fic one... it's just killing me. Every time I think I'm getting somewhere I go over it and realize it's either utter garbage or taking the story in a direction I don't want to go... I swear I've deleted enough for at least three 10k+ fics. And now I'm trying something a bit different that involves writing blog entries for John, so I went and read over all the entries on the BBC page... my gods, they are AWFUL! I mean seriously, if I was reading that, guh... if it were a fic I would actually stop reading and put the author on my mental 'Do Not Read' list. And do you have any idea how hard it is to mimic that kind of awful writing?!?!?!?! *rocks head in hands* Kill me now, pls...

I have two other birthday fics I'm supposed to be writing and that one *points angrily upwards* is totally fic-blocking me. Grrrr.
Brianna, one of those is yours, and I will get it done if I have to stab the blog!fic through the heart with a nice sharp stake to keep it pinned down and out of my way!

Back to the shrink. He was getting on me about not getting out and walking and stuff like that. Which, I know, walking and exercise are supposed to help with endorphins or whatever it's supposed to release, so to humour him and Pup I've been walking to the store and taking the bus home (I always walk to and from the close store, this is the big one), and walking downtown and back (when I'm coming back and not going to the store)... it's only making me feel worse. I told Pup I was being good and walking places, she was all upset because I wasn't telling her how much better I felt... I told her the truth- I feel worse; drained and stressed out and not so much tired as just uber lethargic with no energy or interest in doing anything. She just glared at me and went back to her writing. *sigh* It's not my fault the 'magic' cure (or aid rather) isn't working and it's not my fault that it's just exacerbating the down I'm already on... Now, I just wonder if the doc'll believe me. :/


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heavenlyxbodies: (JM rum)
Well, I’m still alive if anyone’s interested. The dentist has not managed to kill me yet, though I think he gave it a good try yesterday, lol.
I ate a popsicle last Friday! The Clan did not understand the value of this… I’ve never been able to actually eat as in bite into and chew a popsicle before. It was novel to say the least. :)
I should know by August/September if my bone can take the implants or if it’ll be permanent bridges, either way it’s gonna be weird, ‘m having enough trouble getting used to the prosthesis and the cap, well, that’s not exactly true, I am used to them, I’m just not used to having teeth that sit properly or for that matter are whole.

In other news, for those who may have missed it, I finished Battle Hymns (aka the-fic-I’m-not-supposed-to-be-writing) and it’s off with my Brit-picker, but, more than that, it’s off with my artist! *chews lip nervously*

In other, other news, my other (wonder if I can fit any more “other”s into this sentence) fic, the infamous blog!fic, is dying a slow and painful death. :/ Okay, so it might not be that bad, but it feels like it, and unfortunately it has as much to do with my head as anything. I can’t think straight, literally. My brain feels like ‘m playing a game of Frogger… in the dark… without my glasses on... complete with the ensuing headache.
I wonder if I tell my doc that if he’d understand. I miss the last guy, he was better… I hate this not being able to choose my p-doc, but that’s something else entirely.

*takes deep breath* Okay, now, I think I can get back to the fic ‘m reading, and who knows maybe eventually get some of my own work done- hey, I can dream, can’t I!!!!!


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heavenlyxbodies: (Default)
So, I did something my shrink might be proud of... I opened a side blog on tumblr and put up a bunch of my gifs, mostly (like 99%) my Sherlock ones, and my 221B. I'm thinking of trying to use it as a dump site for my gifs (obviously) and maybe some of my strange half fics/drabbles that have no real place in other fic or much of a chance of becoming fic in their own right. We'll see. It's locked down atm to spare ppl having to witness my butchery, or more likely to spare me from their butchery, but it's hard to tell...

I've started to get scared about the dental thing... it's like this low hum of anxiety that every now and then pops it's head up and screams THEY'RE TAKING YOUR TEETH then drops back down to just lying there snickering at me. And it didn't help the panic attack I had today. Some damnable thing event dooha downtown had ppl and children everywhere, and I had been sent to the sweets store... you couldn't move for the damn things they were everywhere under foot over foot slamming into you and just... yeah, it was a small miracle I made it out of there, and a full blown second coming type miracle I didn't blow up or start screaming and hitting ppl. I would've been proud if I could even catch my breath. So, yeah...

For the record, my fic is being weird. I wrote the same scene no less than three times- two of them on the same day. I thought I'd fixed it when I managed to merge those two, then I found the third which I'd forgotten I'd written. *head desk* That and the fact that my John muse is so not being helpful in one of them and my Sherlock muse is being well, erm, troubled in the other... I think I may have broke him. :(

Okay, going back to my fic and obsessing over tumblr, writing good.


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heavenlyxbodies: (TP librarian)
Soooooo, long time, no post...
First off, 'm fine or as fine as I ever am.. okay, nevermind, lol.

A bunch of random stuff you don't want to know )

In a minute 'm gonna post something else, so I apologize if it looks like 'm spamming, promise I don't mean to and there shouldn't be anything else today, k.


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heavenlyxbodies: (r/l)
UGH! 'm trying to work on a Merlin fic and my Arthur muse keeps starting to sound like Benedict Cumberbatch reading those damned Ngaio Marsh books *head desk*
The man is like a bloody worm in my brain! And this is why I avoid hearing Colin talk as much as possible, I start hearing him in my head instead of Merlin, but at least that I understand!

*wanders off to beat head against wall*


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heavenlyxbodies: (fandom)
GAH! Okay, okay, so I succumbed... I kinda 'accidentally' opened a tumblr acct a couple weeks ago, I figured it'd sit and rot, since I know like nobody over there and usually if something's worth it it works it's way over here. Anyway, I kinda got bored yesterday (that and someone *eyes you evilly* linked me some stuff and, well, encouraged me- no, it doesn't always take a lot of encouragement esp if there's SPN, Merlin, and Sherlock involved, lol)- and spiffed it up some, you know, it actually looks like someone lived there ...once, long, long ago, and maybe has the cleaning service come in a couple times a month to clear the cobwebs. I still need to suss how to recode part of the CSS to recolour the 'post' icons, which may or may not be possible, but other than that... Anyway, now that it looks vaguely lived in I have no idea what to do with it... *sighs*

Someone HIT me HARD next time I think about signing up for something ficcish. These last few months have been killing me and making it NO fun to write, which is kinda the point, yeah. And I keep having to put the fic I want to write on hold, while I try to force out the other stuff. :( As it is 'm thinking about dropping out of one or both of the last two serious things I have going. I have one other thing, but it's one of those pressureless just for fun things so 'm not gonna beat myself up over it. But yeah in general just kick me if I even think about it! (Unless, of course, I have a full blown idea that's already half written in my head and you are willing to listen to me moan about it and kick my ass/make me step back as needed for the duration. *listens to crickets chirping softly* ...that's what I thought.)

Now, I have to go see this new shrink... *wibble*


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