heavenlyxbodies: (Dead Again scissors2)
Have I mentioned how much I HATE the Swedish medical system?
I mean, I know it's supposedly way better than in the US and in some ways it is, but fuck at least in the States you can find docs that at least pretend to give a shit.

But here, no, it's all:

  • Oh, we think you may have AS. We'll refer you to the eval offices.

  • No, let's wait on a therapist until we get the eval.

  • P-doc transfers to ER Psychward

  • New p-doc is awesome!!!

  • 3 months later new p-doc no longer works there.

  • New p-doc the 2nd is a git, who still won't get me a therapist.

  • 3 yrs after the fact get eval.

  • Get new dx of AS!

  • Have to change p-docs 'cause he 'doesn't treat patients with AS'. *head desk*

  • Oh, and the new p-doc will set you up with a therapist now that we have the new dx.

  • 6 months later see new p-doc (p-doc m2).

  • No, we won't set you up with a therapist until you go over here to this other place I'm referring you to.

  • And by the way I'm going to refuse to see you for a minimum of 6 months and only give you enough meds for 2 months.

  • Get letter from referral place saying it will be 5 months or more before anyone can see me. *grinds teeth*

  • Call for meds to find out p-doc m2 has quit and not left anything about needing meds...

  • ...still won't give me more than 2 months worth.

  • Finally get appt with replacement p-doc m2 the 1st, 7 months after requested.

  • Get call this morning cancelling appointment to be rescheduled at an unknown time...


No, it's not like I NEED HELP. Or I'm ACTUALLY ASKING FOR IT, DAMN YOU!!!!!! Or that I've been BEGGING for 4 years- fucking BEGGING!!!
Nooooooooooooooooooooo, Mys isn't important enough to even keep an appointment she's been waiting 7 months for; an appointment she asked to have 4 months ago and was told she couldn't. Now? Fuck knows!
And the mysterious other place the p-doc m2 referred me to? Haven't heard fuck all from them.

Mys, pissy? Moi? Never... wanting to rip people apart limb from limb after slowly flaying their skin from their bones... now that, that sounds more like me.

It's fucking depressing to think that I'd be getting better mental health care while on Soc Sec Disability in the States than I am here.
heavenlyxbodies: (Dead Again scissors1)
Why is it that She gets persnickety over my amt of tv/film knowledge then gets upset when she comes barging in declaring so-and-so is dead and I look at her like she's grown another head ('cause usually it's someone I've never heard of or don't care about- in a proffessional/theatrical sense)? Or in this case- "That Fast and Furious actor is dead." "Vin Diesel?" "I don't know that Fast and Furious actor." At which point she walks off in a huff... It was Paul Walker for anyone interested, not Vin Diesel.

Before that, like minutes before, I was asking what she thought of the Christmas tree... she declares she's not looking at it and doing her best to ignore it because it goes against everything she was raised with. <---that's pretty much a direct quote And then she starts muttering about 'bling-bling'. I just... I wanted to have a proper Christmas this year. A properly decorated tree with bits of Swedish tradition and what I grew up with. That's why I got HRH and MM to help me and go picking out decorations with me, so we'd have both. But no, she's not happy being all fucking bah-humbug at me for wanting to do Christas to begin with she has to be a fucking bitch about the tree! I'm the one who put it up, I'm the one who bought the lights and ornaments and trimmings, it was MM and me who decorated it, she doesn't like it fucking fine, but she doesn't have to be a bloody cunt about it. And yes, I just said cunt- I'm upset!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday it was trashing my music. I've been on this weird ass country kick the last few weeks and she gets all in my face about it; then she tells me I'm getting old because I only listen to music from the 60's and 70's. Which seriously, since when is DCFC 60's and 70's, or Dropkick Murphys or Flogging Molly or Barleyjuice... at least she could move it up to the 90's with my LoA, Bloodhound Gang, Sisters, KMFDM, Rage Against the Machine, Book of Love, etc... etc... etc...

And after that we were watching something, I don't even remember and I was shutting down the DVD player and said something about checking my prov and I decided (I'd been debating it for a while, but I finally bit the bullet) that I'd try to broach a wee bit of my on-line world to her (she's always saying how I'm all secretive, which really, if someone gives you grief every time you bring up something are you gonna be all going outta your way to share that something with them in the future????????). Anyway, I figured the KD based on that Vikings tv thing from History Channel whould be a good tidbit to test the waters with then maybe the Sherlock Holmes KD from a couple Ages back just get the idea out there. But no. She comes at me saying something about "It's sad when 38yr old women play with fiction characters." And then something about being a delinquint or crazy- the drooling over your apple sauce kinda crazy, I was already shutting down at that point so it kiinda got lost in the roaring of my head trying not to react.

Anyway, I just get the feeliing this weekend was some sort of Bash the Mys celebration. Could've at least given me a nice last meal or something. :/

And I'm almost outta my meds and I still don't understand why the fucking asshat doc couldn't just write the prescription last month when I asked, which means I get to spend the next week trying to get up the nerve to call them again.
And I'm late on my Secret Santa fic.
And WMTDB has gone down for some reason and I was right in the middle of a fic!
And in another (albeit unintentional) kick the Mys while she's down move, my only other real friend in my game is quitting after this Age. I mean, sure, I talk with a couple other guys, but he and Tam were the ones who I could go to with questions and who knew about the r/l stuff that got in my way sometimes. Tam left last Age. There's only two other ppl who've been around this KD as long (longer actually, in at least one case much longer) as me and neither of them know my extenuating circs and at least one of them isn't going to know and I don't think the other is in enough of a position that he needs to know. I'm feeling kinda lost... :(
heavenlyxbodies: (CM hell)
You know how sometimes I just post “eskimo” when I’m not doing okay… I figure those who get it deserve to, but anyway. I have discovered in recent days that there is something beyond eskimo, something as yet unnamed. I’ve barely talked to Sensei or the rest of my gaming ppl, I haven’t really been up to facing anyone he last couple days (part of why I’m trying to make myself write this). I mean after everything the last month I think I’m finally breaking. I think the final straw has been my shrink. I mean, he KNOWS that I have no faith in ppl, as a species I think they are cruel and innately malevolent. He and Pup ganged up on me last time I saw him because of it, so I know he knows. And Monday I actually went down to his office and left him a letter… everybody (or at least most ppl) knows how hard it is for me to make calls, add that to everything that’s happened and we probably would have entered the next ice age before I managed to stay on the line long enough to talk to him. I even checked to see if he was in. And here it is Sunday and he hasn’t so much as called to say we’ll talk about it Monday (tomorrow), when I see him again… That on top of his already making me feel like shit for thinking ppl suck, giving me the “walking” speech as if that’ll cure my ills- hello, I’ve been in some form of therapy pretty much since I was 16, I think, we’ve covered ‘ways to help you depression 101’ by now- and making me fight for a therapist is not going over well. I mean really this guy is supposed to be trained in this shit and he can’t see what he’s doing? Or worse, he’s one of those whose intent is to make you feel like this; I’ve had those before… the last one almost got bitch-slapped, literally.

...continued psychodrama )

Now in other news, I have watched more horror movies in the last month than I have in the last, oh pretty much since I’ve been here. These don't contain descriptions as it's hard enough for me to do that and there's just too many, lol.

Oh, the horror (or not), Pt 2 )
heavenlyxbodies: (Dead Again scissors1)
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So last night (by night I mean we had to leave just after 3PM and got home sometime after 9PM) I (and Fanboy thank the gods) went to HS' school play... which isn't a normal Christmas play... let's put it this way even Fanboy didn't understand it! And it's supposed to be famous... anyway I'd suffered through it last year as well, so I knew what to expect and let me tell you- it STILL didn't make sense!
Anyway, one would think that since I was gone and we actually have a rotation (mainly involving me and me) for doing the dishes now (and I wasn't even on it for last night!) that SOMEONE would have done at least a load of dishes, but no after over 6 hours of travel and headache inducing "play" I come home to a mound, literally a mound the kind you see in cartoons of dishes... I said fuck it last night. Well, I woke up and they were still there, untouched save for adding nore to the pile, and note I say pile, not spreading them out or even leaving them on the oven or table, but pile. So I straighten them out and did a load and started the next soaking, at least now it looks like a a tropical storm hit, rather than an F5 tornado.
Oh, and then there's the garbage, the garbage that only me and Fanboy take out or deal with in any way... the garbage that they leave on the floor instead of putting it in the garbage can, the empty milk cartoons, the yoghurt and yoghurt type things they leave out on the floor, the packages of opened deli meat just lying there... where the dogs or their blooming cats can get at it! And that's just the start... so yeah I took care of that, too. Did I mention that we have a garbage shute right outside our door so it's not even like they have to leave the apartment really, I mean you have to close our door a wee bit to open the shute, but it's that bloody close!
Then I try to watch SG1 only to have HRH come in and just change the fucking channel!!!!! (I should mention she is the one who should have been doing most of the dishes, since MM basically cleared out the last set taking up HRH's slack, so 'm not too worried that she missed 1 load in the last 3 days, ya know, but anyway...) And when I get ready to go to the store she starts demanding I get stuff for her! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
AND HRH and Fanboy apparently have some party to go to, so HRH decided they should eat early, before she had to leave for the party or the set-up for the party, anyway, that was fine. Fanboy even cleaned extra pots for me. BUT when I get back from the store there's plates PILED up sticking mostly out of the water teetering on their edges, juice still on the table along with sauces and ketchup!
And what's the first thing I hear Fanboy asking about gingerbread dough for HRH, HS demanding I give her my gum, MB just sitting there using my comp charger 'cause he broke his (this is expected, but still annoying since he doesn't give it back once his comp is charged... a think it's part of his Aspie-ness, so I try not to hold it against him.). Which leads me to here where 'm trying to calm down since I haven't stopped screaming or muttering loudly to myself about the situation (and we aren't talking nice mutterings either...
Oh, and while 'm typing this HS is sitting here bitching because I don't magically have dinner ready 10 mins after I get home!

So I say again- ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


Yeah and 'm supposed to be getting my SSDI review done, installing and then teaching one of Pup's friends how to use a bunch of DL and burning software, and probably other DLing software and conversion software.... not too mention the "normal" house stuff- like feeding the childer and keeping everything else clean. AAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I told them that tomorrow we're all sitting down me, HRH, Fanboy, MM, HS (not MB 'cause he pretty much does what he's supposed to and with his Aspie it's hard and understandable for him to handle change, and he's doing really great with it, btb), and 'm having a go at them all because I can't keep doing this shit! It's bloody ridiculous!

WARNING: I plan to post a normal post later, just so ya know.


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heavenlyxbodies: (Merlin Merlin don't fuck with me)
What the fuck? "sissy-uke" (and yes, I had to fucking look it up!) Really? Dude, he just woke up to find out he couldn't hear- it's not a fucking hangnail! I think he has the right to be freaked out and not be the strong one!!! Seriously, wtf!?!?! And if you're going to insult my characterization gimme something more than that or why the fuck bother- esp when you're insulting such a sensitive matter? Tell you what asshat, you come back and e-mail me once you've been there or know someone who has; then maybe I'll listen to your blathering. Until then, be glad 'm too angry to reply to you...


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