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Alright, ladies and gellyspoons, are we ready for the next fun filled installment of “Oh, the horror”? Because I have no life, below you will find over 30 movies in varying states from blindingly polished to mouldy dust bunnies, enjoy. :P

7 Below- A group of strangers find themselves stranded after a tour bus accident and must ride out a storm in a foreboding house. Confronting strange visions and unexplainable happenings, members of the group begin to perish one by one. As the remaining survivors investigate the house’s history, they unearth a dark and terrifying secret from 100 years ago.
How to explain this? It comes off as a bit disjointed and… it’s not hard to follow, but sometimes you’re left going, wait, how’d we get here? It felt awfully rushed though, like the screenwriter was on speed, or had severe ADHD. Strange is a good word for it, not quite here or there. If you’re in the mood, sure, why not, but I wouldn’t go hunting for it.

Blood Creek (aka Town Creek)- A man and his brother on a mission of revenge become trapped in a harrowing occult experiment dating back to the Third Reich.
It was pretty good, decent plot, some decent eye candy good actors (Henry Cavill and Dominic Purcell, the former does it for me much more than the latter, but I can admit to seeing some handsome there) which helped, lol. The ending was a bit confusing, and I mean the very, very end, the ‘epilogue’ part as it were. I won’t say it was unnecessary, but it felt like the whole movie was running at this pace and building up the way these things should hitting the summit and coming back down all in the right speed, then the ‘epilogue’ was like 15-20 minutes of info and ‘movie’ shoved into less than 5. Worth a look, definitely.

Credo (aka The Devil’s Curse)- A modern supernatural horror film that explores the dark side of the human psyche, and the terror in facing up to one's darkest fears. Set in London, England, the film begins with a group of theological students who decide to test their faith by proving the existence of Hell. Following their ritualistic summoning of a demon, the students are all found dead, apparently by suicide. Years later, a group of five final-year students are evicted from their student digs and break into the now abandoned Catholic halls of residence for the weekend, only to discover that they're not alone.
Now this one was very interesting. It’s not one that I’m keeping around, but that’s because it didn’t warrant it overall. Despite that, I think this one was pretty good all things considered. I like the twist it had, not where I was expecting it to go, otherwise it was standard fare, but good standard fare.

The Crypt- Six young criminals break into hidden catacombs underneath their town and attempt to steal jewelry buried from the "Great Depression" only to find inhabitants guarding the precious belongings. After being trapped in this dark maze of crypts the group tries to escape alive.
Very The Grudge or The Ring -ish (in fact I think it might be by some of the same ppl), so if you get off on that then you’ll like it. It was okay, not bad by any means, but it left out too much of the how. This is me, I need to know why/how or I’m not gonna be satisfied. Don’t give me a misc monster/ghostie out for revenge without telling me why or how. I mean, in this case we have as it says ‘inhabitants guarding the precious belongings’, but it’s not the owners of the belongings, so I really need to know how these particular monster/ghosties are doing their thing. Just, it’s a me thing. Let’s stick with, if you like The Grudge and The Ring you’ll enjoy this.

Dark House- Traumatized by a terrifying event in her youth, Claire Thompson tries to exorcise her demons by revisiting the old house where a terrible children's massacre took place. Now a haunted house attraction set up by impresario Walston Rey, the former foster home run by the evil Miss Darrode is set to open for the press and Walston recruits Claire and several of her fellow acting class students to perform as part of the show.
This was either pretty okay or pretty awful. Okay, it was mostly on the bad side. Okay plot, mediocre acting, very nice twist. I really wish this had been better ‘cause the twist was great, it deserved to be used in a better movie. :/

The Dark Lurking- Something has gone terribly wrong at Outpost 30, a secret international research facility some five hundred meters beneath the snow blown arctic wilderness. All communications are gone, all means of escape destroyed and an extremely dangerous horde of ancient creatures is on the loose after a doorway to an unspeakable evil has been unleashed. Eight survivors, two former research patients, three SOCOM Troops, two research technicians and a cleaner barricade themselves inside a remote area of the facility with little food, almost no ammunition and little hope of rescue. Their one possible escape route is through thirteen levels of terror that will lead them to the surface. And one of them is not who they seem to be, but the darkness itself which has taken human form.
For crying out loud, ppl, get your own freakin’ ideas!!!! And I’m not talking plot-wise, it’s horror some things are a given. I mean things where entire scenes (in some case right down to how they were filmed) being lifted from classic sci-fi and horror. I lost count of how many scenes from Aliens they ripped off. So yeah, if you want to see a crappy version of the highlights of sci-fi and horror, pls, feel free to watch it; I’ll just be over here in my corner petting my movies and telling them that the stupid ppl didn’t mean it.

Dark Reel- Adam Waltz, an avid movie fan, has won a walk-on role in a film produced by studio chief Connor Pritchett and featuring Tara Leslie. Thinking his luck has changed, Adam suddenly finds himself the star in a real-life struggle to survive a murderous, behind-the-scenes killing spree and Pritchett's low-budget thriller suddenly buzzing with publicity. As Detective Shields searches for answers, will Adam live or will he end up as a final cut?
Think- someone trying to do Scream 3 on a smaller budget and with less humour.

Dark Relic- 1099AD. The end of the first Crusade. Christian knight Sir Gregory discovers a holy relic - a fragment of the True Cross and embark on a journey to Rome, to present the relic to the Pope. En route the ship they charter runs aground, their crew dead. Many other unfortunate things begin to occur to the group and Sir Gregory realizes that dark forces are pursuing them, intent on destroying the relic. He must find a way to overcome these dark forces.
This was a tv movie for the channel formerly known as Sci-Fi (yes, I refuse to call it by that… insult to the science-fiction genre), yet despite that it was really good. Not like stellar, Oscar worthy or anything, but good. Fun, it had a plot and actors… I’m kinda guessing it was their Stonehenge Apocalypse for the year, lol. It was a nice little action adventure movie the kind you just plop down with a bowl of popcorn on a rainy day and chill out to.

Days of Darkness- The world watches as a comet looms over the earth for days. The masses were told, there is nothing to worry about. It was a lie! An eclectic group of survivors huddle together and battle for their only chance to survive against the uprising of the undead while trying to save the fate of mankind.
Well, other than the fact that it took me all of 10mins to figure out the great key to defeating the zombies, and that was only because I waited for verification, while it took them the entire movie (like 3 days) to suss it… *rolls eyes* it was fine, nothing to go outta your way for, you know one of those half hour before CM comes on and you need something to fill the time movies.

The Devil’s Ground- While driving down a country road, Carrie rescues Amy, the lone survivor of a terrible massacre in the woods. Carrie soon discovers that Amy carries a deadly secret, and the unspeakable horror happened in the woods is far from over...
Pretty good, definitely worth watching for the baseline horror value. It’s not like groundbreaking or spectacular, but a good little horror romp.

The Devil’s Tomb- A team of mercenaries under the command of hard-charging war veteran Mack, are contracted by a mysterious CIA operative named Elissa to rescue a scientist working on an archeological discovery deep under the Middle Eastern desert. With the help of a mysterious priest, Mack and his team soon discover the true secret of what lies beneath the sands - a secret that has been protected for thousands of years.
Oh, gods, I just want to know who Cuba Gooding, Jr, lost the bet with for him to be in this. Actually, I want to know that about most of the ppl in it. The cast was way better than the film, like exponentially better, like they should burn any mentions of it on their resumes, deny it exists and see what they can do about burning the negatives and destroying all known copies.

Don’t Look Up- Evil spirits released from old celluloid causes a film crew to slowly go insane while in production on a new project.
Umm, yeah, no thanks. I won’t say totally pointless, but seriously not worth the time. I wouldn’t even give it background noise standing, not unless it was the kind of background noise you have on in the other room while you take a nice long shower.

Evidence- A team of detectives attempt to piece together what happened at the scene of a brutal massacre using a number of recording devices found at the crime scene. The footage reveals a group of bus passengers who were forced to fight for their lives after they crash in the middle of the desert and a mysterious killer violently murders them one by one.
This. This! I… I normally hate this kind of movie, the whole “raw footage” schtick has never entranced me, it all makes it look so much more fake and thus infinitely less interesting. But this. Maybe it was the way it was set up as being a recreation of a crime, maybe it was because it kept cutting back to the detectives examining the footage and the whole process of rescuing what video they could. Whatever it was, it worked. I really enjoyed this, a lot. Definitely one of my favs from this rather extensive round of movies.

Evilution- A microscopic alien life form has been discovered with the ability to possess the living and resurrect the dead. The United States Army has tried to create a genetically altered version of the alien in order to resurrect dead soldiers on the battlefield. Young scientist Darren Hall kidnaps the last pure specimen of the alien, determined to the reverse the damage inflicted and learn the secrets of life.
I can say I liked it, or that it was good. Standard cookie cutter plot that seemed to want to be a Troma film, but couldn’t cut it. *shrugs* That’s about the best and worst I can say about it.

Fall Down Dead- A metropolitan city is in the grip of fear when rolling blackouts bring out a serial killer dubbed The Picasso Killer. One night, in the middle of a blackout, seven strangers become trapped in an office building as the killer hunts for Christie Wallace, the woman that can identify him.
This was surprisingly fun, not great cinema by a long shot, but, think the high quality USA original movies from the late 80’s and early 90’s or the TNT original movies from that era and that’s about where this falls. Interesting plot, acceptable acting, murder and mayhem, all the things you need for a nice pizza laden Thursday night.

Forget Me Not- It's graduation weekend, and Sandy Channing, the popular class president of her small-town high school, should be enjoying the time of her life. But when her friends start disappearing, Sandy discovers they have unwittingly awakened the vengeful spirit of a girl they wronged long ago. Fighting for her sanity, Sandy must unlock a dark secret from her own past before it's too late.
I’m torn, but I think it’s because my head is in a place where it needs a certain kind of ending. I say this ‘cause many of the movies I’ve watched over the last few days have left me with that same feeling, so, I’m thinking it’s me and not the movies, lol. Anyway, Arthur turned me onto this one, said it was worth my time and she was right, insightful woman that she is. ;) It was in the same vein as The Caller and left me with similar feelings and less satisfaction. BUT it was good, well-worth the time, and it is my own inner demons that kept me from enjoying it as much as Arthur did.

Goblin*- Every Halloween, a small hamlet in the deep woods is visited by a fierce goblin, intent on capturing infants and brutally murdering anyone in its path.
So, this horrid piece of mouldy excrement was actually something I watched last year and ranted about, but I find it so offensive that when it came up in my lists I felt the need to disparage it again! The movie itself is tripe, horrible plot, horrible acting, horrible special effects, but that is not its biggest and most damning feature, no, that lies in one line near the being of the film. A line so offensive… Let me set the scene, the local drunk tries to warn away our hero family, accosting them outside the town diner, nothing too bad just your standard drunken ‘oh, no, get out before it’s too late’ spiel. And the mother of the group says that he’s violent and probably insane or is BiPolar. I flipped. If this had been from the 90’s or before, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, but this was from 2010. 2010!!!!!! And they got away with that! My gods, wths are ppl thinking?!? Yes, let’s propagate the stereotype that all ppl with manic-depression are violent psychopaths. Ugh! So, yes… moving on…

Haunting of Winchester House- A family moves in to look after the Winchester mansion for a few months, and soon find themselves terrorized by vengeful spirits. With the help of a paranormal investigator they'll unravel the mystery of the house.
Hmm, once you realize the vein of film it is it’s rather, not stale, but it left me feeling like ‘oh another one of those’. Kinda like the novelty has worn off. That said it wasn’t bad, you know, if you look over that part. Though honestly, it’s probably not worth the trouble.

House of Fears- The night before a local haunted house opens for Halloween six friends sneak in for a few hours of fun. Soon after entering, they find themselves trapped inside with no way out. Their evening of fun rapidly turns into their worst nightmare as they begin to die and disappear in the most freakish of manners. With every effort to escape blocked, the survivors find themselves being driven deeper into the carnivalesque world of terror. Unable to tell what is real and what is counterfeit, they must trust one another, even if it kills them.
Cheese, such utter cheese. But it was fun and our hapless victims weren’t complete idiots. This is not high grade horror, but it’ll do to throw into your Halloween movie marathon.

I Know How Many Runs You Scored Last Summer- A cricket team are dismissed by a moustachioed serial killer with a razor sharp cricket glove and an arsenal of sharpened stumps. One by one the killer exacts revenge for the torment he endured 20 years earlier.
Surrealism thy name is Australian cinema, lol. Odd little thing, aiming for humour and hitting it in many areas (the manners of death are disturbingly amusing), but also lacking. And if it had been a film from the 80’s those areas would’ve been chalked up to the era, but for being a 2008 film it’s kinda hard to overlook. I’d say this was more mid to high quality background noise more than anything.

I Sell the Dead- 19th century justice has finally caught up with two of the craftiest grave robbers in town. With only a few hours to go before his date with the guillotine, body-snatcher Arthur Blake tells his life story to the peculiar Father Francis Duffy. As the whisky flows Arthur's tales get stranger and stranger. From their graveyard discoveries of vampires and zombies to tales of vicious gang rivalries with the infamous House of Murphy, Arthur's confessions are the stuff of legend! Their colorful and peculiar history is one filled with adventure, horror, and mayhem that threaten to drag all involved down into the very graves they’re trying to pilfer.
Alright outside of the fact that I tend to start squeaking whenever Dominic Monaghan is involved, I realllllly liked this one. I’m fairly certain it was based on a graphic novel series, and it was very "Tales From the Crypt"-y ie plot that’s a lot of fun with a side of creepy. Recipe for love, that. :P

iMurders- A mysterious love triangle leads to a tragic shooting. Months later, eight members of a MySpace-esque chat room are being gruesomely murdered in the privacy of their own homes.
This was my latest victim film. It was disappointing. It had such promise. And while some aspects were predictable, overall it wasn’t. Unfortunately, it also seemed to be running multiple storyliines simultaneously, which in and of itself I don’t mind, but it gets terribly confusing when you can’t see how they relate, what’s important to the actual plot, and what is little more than time filler, or that’s how parts of it felt. Go watch January Man it has a more plot and Alan Rickman.

Killer Movie- A reality TV director copes with a spoiled celebutante and a show gone haywire when a masked killer starts bumping off the crew in this slasher-movie satire.
*squeak* Such fun! This is a sweet cheesy comedy/horror that can be summed up with two pieces of information- Kaley Cuoco, and secondary ‘hero’ character “for some reason, has some sort of a, uh, bottle opener/bear trap opener on his key chain.” I shall leave you to extrapolate from there.

Legend of the Bog- When a 2000-year-old murder victim's body is disturbed by a property developer in Ireland, it returns to life and does battle with a cast of Irish, English and American characters.
What the ****? No, seriously, this thing was… nuts, fun, but nuts. I mean, it’s Irish, so gods only knows what to expect, but this was strange and silly and serious and did I mention strange, lol. It has lots of low, low budget tells, but you go into it knowing that and somehow it just adds to its incomprehensible charm. This is the stuff "USA Up All Night" was made of.

Magic Man- Tatiana and her beautiful girlfriends are on holiday in Las Vegas, City of Illusion. One by one, Tatiana's friends are found brutally murdered. Fearing Tatiana might be next, Las Vegas police detectives Simpson and Orloff, along with Chief Taper, seek answers. Meanwhile, Tatiana uses some of her own magic to uncover the mystery of her mother's death and track down the real killers.
Oh, gods, save me! RUN AWAY. Run far and wide and pray that you escape. Awful barely covers it. Weird plot that kept going from point A to point D back to point A with a side jog to red herring 2 all wrapped up with some of the worst acting it has been my misfortune to sit through. Seriously, this… one minute you think the point is her past, then you think it’s something in the present, then maybe it’s nothing to do with her, then it’s obviously something in her past only not really because it really has little to nothing to do with her then wait a minute what’s he got to do with it again… whoa that came outta nowhere, and it’s over. WTF did that end scene mean? I am so confused…

No Man’s Land: the Rise of the Reeker- A sheriff and his son chase casino robbers, only to find the all of them are being chased by something else.
B-movie horror, but good. Reminded me of my days watching "Joe Bob Briggs’ Drive-in Saturday Night" on Showtime. It’s that kind of B-movie. No aardvarkin’ though. :P Okay, the baddie was good and the concept was intriguing, I had some trouble with how they choose to portray their baddie as in visually not as in acting, but it’s a personal preference type thing.

Plaguers- When a band of sexy space pirates hijack a fuel-transport vessel bound for Earth, an alien virus known only as "Thanatos" is accidentally released. The contagion mutates its victims, transforming them one after another into ravenous, demonic creatures. Pirates and crew must join together to destroy the undead plaguers as the ship nears Earth, threatening to infect the entire planet.
Okay, when it says ‘sexy space pirates’ it means freaky gogo dancers, seriously they look like they stepped out of an Austin Powers movie. A complete mind-numbing background noise kinda thing. Mysterious undefined thing, taking control of everything, pointless dead fiancé, background that isn’t- I mean, come on, we know it is a mysterious thing that emits energy and you picked it up X weeks ago on Y planet that was established in like the first scene, we don’t need 10 minutes of half weepy telling us that it’s a mysterious thing that emits energy and you picked it up X weeks ago on Y planet. *rolls eyes* I don’t mind low budget. I don’t mind cheese. But for gods’ sakes pls don’t insult my intelligence.

Return to Sleepaway Camp- It's summer camp as usual at Camp Manabe, where the kids torment each other for fun, while the underpaid camp staff provides as little supervision as possible. Greedy camp owner Frank and junior partner Ronnie do their best to keep everyone in line, but something sinister is about to put a slash in the roster. When campers and staff mysteriously begin disappearing and turning into gruesome corpses, paranoid Ronnie can't shake the memory of a series of grisly murders that took place at Camp Arawak, where he worked two decades earlier. Has a ghost from the past come back to haunt him? As the paranoia worsens, Ronnie's list of possible killers starts growing just like the body count. Everyone becomes a suspect from vicious kids to shady members of the camp staff, and even former Camp Arawak camper Ricky who mysteriously works nearby. Who is knocking off these victims and why? Only one thing is for certain, something is carving a bloody new trail at Sleepaway Camp where kids can be so mean and surviving this summer is gonna be a real killer!
Ugh, I’m not even sure I made it through 15mins before the… EVERYTHING about if put me off. I mean, seriously it was like all the bad parts of the original Friday the 13th movies with none of the originality. *shivers* No. Just… no.

Riddle- College student Holly Teller is drawn to the mysterious, small town of Riddle, Pennsylvania in search of her missing brother. Against the will of the local Sheriff and town elder, she begins to unravel a mystery connected to an abandoned psychiatric hospital on the edge of town, uncovering a terrifying past the town is determined to keep hidden.
Uh, yeah. It coulda been a lot better; it coulda been a lot worse. Pretty much what it says. Minimal bloodshed though there is a body count, it doesn’t really get that horror or suspense/thriller/mystery feel. Give this to your baby brother when he’s screaming that you won’t let him watch The Evil Dead (the original obv).

Road Train (aka Road Kill)- Four young friends on a camping adventure in outback Australia are run off the road by a mystery road train - a massive three-trailer truck. The next town is only three hours away. But the next town is somewhere they will never reach. What they discover inside the vehicle's trailers proves more terrifying than anything out there on that lonely road.
Umm, yeah… you can watch it… but it’s not very fulfilling. It’s not bad per se just leaves you going wha… for a lot of it. It really needed to actually explain more about what was going on, it was one of those films that makes you rely entirely on your own suppositions with no real validation of anything. I can’t get into those kinds of movies, I know some ppl can, but this one was just too much for me.

Skeleton Crew- Back in the early 1970s, at a mental institution near the Russian border, a crazed doctor, Dr. Anderson assumed the persona of the Auteur, and began murdering his patients while filming the atrocities. Thirty years later, an American film crew has arrived at the hospital to shoot a horror film based on those awful events. The director, Steven, is determined to make the film as realistic as possible. As Steven's obsession grows, his cast and crew begin to fear for his sanity. But this is only the beginning, because when Steven discovers actual camera used by the Auteur the real slaughter begins.
Blech. Don’t waste your time. Too low budget trying to be high budget and you spend most of the time face palming and trying to understand the random seeming twist it makes and what exactly that means. Just don’t bother.

Star Runners- Given a undercover government mission to retrieve a "crate" from a distant planet, Ty Johns and Lei Chen find that they must smuggle not a crate, but a woman off world -- and when their rocket-ship crash-lands on a planet packed with vicious giant alien bugs, they'll need all the cunning and ferocity they possess to stay alive.
This was another of those creations from the channel formerly known as, and again surprisingly good. Well, not good good, but fun, a popcorn movie. Nice and exactly what you’d expect, for all the good and bad connotations thereof, lol.

Zombie Driftwood- When a cruise ship full of Caribbean tourists turn into zombies two metal fans must battle against zombie Armageddon armed only with a baseball bat, booze... and bagpipes.
Oh, such a happy thing! Not as good as Cockneys vs Zombies, but on par with Undead or Alive. Some parts were just brilliant (pay attention to the news segments they’re the best). Very good, intelligent and cheesy at the same time; put me in mind of The Kentucky Fried Movie in some ways, but with zombies, lol.
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